bottom marks...

********************************* 

 I don't think the cane 

improved my IQ - but it 

sure made my bum smart... 

 ********************************* 

 ('Ouch': '17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

42-42-42 - but no straight actress, she...

***********************************

Obesity turns
me off - "waist not, want not," I
moan. The wife's distraught...

***********************************










- 'Abstinence': 10 letters, and not one of them French. Does it make the heart grow fonder? My arse...









(17 Syllables)


******************************

(She once had a figure
To everyone's taste,
But now they just snigger
For it's all gone to waist)

******************************

me, Tarzan - you: 'Dr. No', these days...

**********************************

Jane's one of those sex
objects - the more I want sex,
the more she objects...

**********************************



















(17 Syllables)

no wonder things are, er, a bit tight...

**********************************

"of course my money's
all tied up - why else would it
be called a trussed fund?"...

**********************************













('Mastercard? I don't even have access': 17 Syllables))

Healthy diet bears fruit (even if YOU can't!)

************************************

An apple a day
keeps the doctor away. Cores
and effect, I guess...

************************************




(17 Syllables)

17 SillyBillybles...

***********************

polysyllables
are jollysillybles - if
writing a haiku...

***********************

















('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

manners maketh man...

*****************************

no matter how bad
civil wars are, it's good to
know they are civil...

*****************************











as for the current English Rugby Union crisis: it's not so much a farce, more of a '15 - a - Side-Splitting' comedy series - of blunders...







(17 Sillybles)

in that case, I'd better drink it (and in that case, too)

****************************

alcoholism? -
to me, it's a case of gin
(and bear it) - weekly...

****************************










- it sure beats the daze of 'wine and roses'...









(17 Syllables)

from 'Little Chef' to, er, big chef...

*******************************

just how often does
a Michelin chef end up with
with his own spare tyre?...

*******************************












- beware those 'occupational hazard' road signs...










('From Dipsticks to Breadsticks': 17 Syllables)

multiple personality disorder...

****************************

when things get too bad,
all I have to do is give
myself a group hug...

****************************



















('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

it's an oxy, moron...

****************************

when it comes to words,
an oxymoron is a
pretty ugly one...

****************************


















('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

fusion...

*******************************

if music be the
food of love, then I'd kill for
some rhythm and greens...

*******************************











(make that 'con-fusion')









('17 syllables plus' re-mix)

"'cos I'm a rebel, me"...

*************************

if my dad told me
never to obey him, I'd
do as I was told...

*************************













------------------- Apropos Of Nothing ----------------------

Those demonstrators outside St Paul's Cathedral:
Very annoying. In tents'ly so.
Avoid them. Religiously...

------------------------------------------------------------------------






(17 Syllables)

bow jest...

********************************

'chest so broad and hips
so narrow': it's Robin Hood!
(or 'beau and arrow')

********************************

















('Beau Geste': '17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Final Score: WW 1 - WW 2 --- away win...

***********************************

the FA Cup's a
great leveller - but can't match
the atomic bomb...

***********************************

















('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

3 stars in the bedroom, mind...

**************************************

she's a Michelin
chef, my wife - all her food tastes
tastes like bloody rubber...

**************************************











- forget 'Meals on Wheels,' think 'Wheels on Wheels'...









(17 Syllables)

less Soft Cell, more hard sell...

*********************************

"X Factor 'stars' forge
careers!" (proof that forgery's
a criminal act)

*********************************









- well, an excruciating one, anyway...








(17 Syllables)

bye-bye, political parties - hello, all-night parties!...

**********************************

Berlusconi's gone!
(Time to downsize and buy a
bunga bungalow?)

**********************************

















(17 Syllables)

anyone seen the rushes yet?...

****************************

"a dirty film on
the water, you say? - it'll
likely be frogs' porn"...

****************************










not so much a blue movie - more of a mucky green...











('Frogspawn': '17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Reg and Regina...

*************************

Charles and Camilla
Are ever so wise -
When renting a villa
They go in disguise...

It's 'Mr and Mrs'
(Or 'Reg and Regina')
- Anonymous kisses
In an old Morris Minor.

*************************

















(47 Syllables. Oops!)

slaves to fast food...

****************************************

McDonalds, Starbucks,
Subway: much of the Free World's
time's still spent in chains...

****************************************



















('Food & Drink Chains': '17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

putting off - it's so off-putting..

******************************************

"dad, can you tell me
what 'procrastinate' means?" - "sure,
son, first thing next week"...

******************************************










(hey, he probably needs the time to look it up)









(17 Syllables)

pretty sick humour (he's pretty, I'm sick)

*******************************

hospital's cool! (for
once I'm attached to a drip
who's not my husband)

*******************************











OK, so we're both sick - but, in my case, it's temporary...










(17 Syllables)

the last supper...

********************************

the worst thing about
the humous starter was the
post-humous main course...

********************************










- it seems you can have too much of good thing...











('Dying Of Hunger':17 Sillybles)

AC/DC tribute band...

*************************************

we're OCD/C:
when we close a show, we have
to close it six times...

*************************************









- it all started with fridge doors and light switches...









('Obsessive Compulsive Disorder': 17 Syllables)

not to mention his inflated ego...

**************************************

Michelin Man's dress
sense leaves me cold - not at all
my sort of attire...

**************************************










-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
apropos of nothing: there may be many Mr Men, but there's only one Mr Man:

------------------------------- Mr Man United -------------------------------

congratulations, Fergie, on 25 years in the 'Red' hot seat...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------







(17 Syllables)

too much rough, not enough tumble...

************************************

a golf widow is
someone whose husband is all
"fore!" play and no sex ...

************************************















(17 Syllables)

the sound of bow bells...

***********************************

"what does transvestite
karaoke sound like?" - "the
sound of beaux belles, mate"...

***********************************











(what you might call a ringing endorsement, haha)









(17 Syllables)

No-one ever Mrs my Mrs. (I've never Mr)

******************************

My wife's the sort of
woman who lights up any
room. When she leaves it.

******************************

















(17 Syllables)