the correct form of a dress...

*******************************

"Peter the Great? A
transvestite? Talk about a
Czarina million"...

*******************************





















(17 Syllables)

Captain Morgan's drinking vessel (is it a schooner?)

*************************************

"I run a tight ship,"
he roared. (Too right! The bottle
it's in - it's still full.)

*************************************


















('Ship in a Bottle': 17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

[...] take your pic. But not mine!...

****************************************

no photographs cause
quite as much heartache as those
taken by a thief...

****************************************



















('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

the 'c' word (the...er... other one)

*************************************

'sorry' may be the
hardest word - but 'chihuahua's
a damned close second...

*************************************




















('Diarrhoea Runs It Close, Too...so to speak': 17 Syllables plus re-mix)

once I looked good (now I look good and long)

******************************

"Not bad for sixty,"
reflected my mirror. Thing
is, I'm forty-two...

******************************




















('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

me, too too...

**********************************************

"air-conditioning
leaves me cold"..."same here, pal - I'm
a ceiling fan fan"...

**********************************************


















('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

in order? sure - but well out of order, too...

*****************************************

"cocaine, fags, gin, meths,
vodka, whisky" - words culled from
addictionary...

*****************************************



















('A Turning Over Of New Leaves': '17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

a pen with a cob on is a happy swan indeed...

***************************

"I can't see the point
of retractible biros.
Well, not all the time"...

***************************











------------------------ It's a Football Thing --------------------------

Stop Press: Balotelli charged for stamp. (Aren't we all?)

______________________________________________










('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

that's why I'm not even my brother's 'keeper...

*******************************************

The goalkeeper guessed
right: he dived left. (I'd have guessed
right and dived right. Right?)

*******************************************


















('Right Said Fred': 17 Syllables)

she completes him - well, they both complete themselves, to be honest...

****************************************

'his and her towels' be
damned - it's more a case of 'his
and hermaphrodites'...

****************************************




















('Dry Humour. Well, Almost Dry': '17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

no noose is good noose...

*****************************************

"Screaming for folk to
be hung, drawn and quartered's so
wrong! The word is 'HANGED'"...

*****************************************



















(17 Syllables)

the clue's in the title...

*********************************

"Hi, I'm Chairman of
the Word Association." -
"Hi, there! Board meetings."

*********************************





















('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

the letter of the law? - which letter's that?...

*****************************

B-keeping's legal.
So is Q-jumping. But J-
walking? - Not so sure...

*****************************


















('Who Cares, R-sole?': '17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

as the Grim Reaper calls "over"...

************************************

when Shane Warne dies, it
shouldn't take much to get him
spinning in his grave...

************************************










- it's what he does...










(17 Syllables)

a (not all delectable) receptacle spectacle...

**************************************

looking at the girls
around me, seems men come in
all shapes and sizes...

**************************************











- often on a Saturday night, given half a chance...










(17 Syllables)

from rarest steaks to the common plaice...

******************************************

good food's not hard to
find - though some chefs do tend to
make a meal of it...

******************************************



















('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

early learning...

********************************

my precocious friend
read Plato at twelve - I did,
too (at twenty past)

********************************




















(17 Syllables plus re-mix)

hit and misdemeanors (part 3)...

*********************************

omitting the 'g'
from 'paradigm' may well be
daft, but not a crigm...

*********************************

















('c-Rhyme and Pun-ishment': '17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

the what code?...

*************************************

that dot-dot-dashing
young man over there - might it
be Inspector Morse?...

*************************************


















("Is That 'U', Morse?": '17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

my child - a noise - me...

**************************************

"Bnag!" screamed my daughter.
"Don't do that!" I told her, "that's
bang out of order"...

**************************************



















(17 Syllables)

value for Monet...

************************************

appreciating
art: it's more than watching art
appreciating...

************************************





















('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

Route 666...

*****************************

God knows whether the
road to damnation is the
route of all evil...

*****************************


















('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

studio bosses - they're ruthless...

**********************************

they only let me
film the 'Airplane' series once
I'd shot the pilot...

**********************************
















(17 Syllables)

you've heard of the Trotters? - well, we're the Amblers...

*************************

lethargy doesn't
run in our family - it's
so lazy, it walks...

*************************



















('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

a good pop song needs a hook (sorry, all you fish out there)

********************************

a fish that sings in
the wrong quay is probably
an out-of-tuna...

********************************







You couldn't make it up: a New Year's Eve fireworks display...a hotel restaurant with a thatched roof...

Exactly - suffice to say, it wasn't just the revellers who were burnt out the next morning.

The year can only get better.

Vincent Hefter, Kotu, The Gambia (actually, personally speaking, a day trip to a Senegal game reserve was a pretty good start to the year, to be honest)







('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

if, on the 1st, you don't succeed, s*d it...

***************************

I always knew year's
resolutions to give up
on puns never worked...

***************************












Wishing you a Happy New Year - from Africa (it's party time! - and no-one can do it like an African...)









('The Last Word': '17 Syllables plus' re-mix)