not a paternal bone in my body...

*****************************

when my wife bore me
a son, I bore her a loft -
then hid there for years...

*****************************




















('Anything for a Quiet Life': 17 Syllables)

the speed of sound asleep...

************************************

"keep going, keep going!" - the
slower you breathe, the faster
you're asleep..."run, run!"...

************************************










('fast' is fine - 'dead fast' best avoided)











('The human race: a marathon, not a sprint': 17 Syllables)

now you see them, now you...still see them...

*****************************

ants can be seen on
margarine...and somite a
termite on marmite...

*****************************

















('Bedsteads & Bread Spreads': 17 Syllables)

"we haven't a clue," shrug the detectives...

******************************

who in their right mind
would ever want to private
eyes the police force?...

******************************



















('Private Eyes': 17 Syllables)

a drinking bout...

**********************************

The first round was Mike's,
so I asked for a punch. There
was no second round...

**********************************


















('Bowled Over': 17 Syllables)

dinner doggerel...

***************************************

"washed your hands yet, kids? -
it's German Shepherd's Pie...now
then, who wants a leg?"...

***************************************




















('A Dog's Dinner': 17 Syllables)

death wish...

******************************

great news! pessimists
die earlier! - but I bet that
doesn't include me...

******************************




















(17 Syllables)

marriage - it's murder...

 ***************************************

when you're married, "on
a promise" just means she swears
she's going to kill you...

****************************************




















(17 Syllables)

a woman can dream, right?...

******************************

"will you marry me?"
sure has a nice ring to it -
(well, it better have!)

******************************




















('Dangle Those Carats, Baby': 17 Syllables)

what's in a name?...

****************************

if every man's an
island, then Jamaica is
Bob, and not Mali...

****************************


















('Bob Marley': 17 Syllables)

no bigger star...

***************************

when Gulliver sang,
he held the audience in
the palm of his hand...

***************************









(well, it was pretty big, and it saved on seats)












('It's a Small World': 17 Rather Sillybles)

5' 10'' - the height of absurdity...

*********************************

according to my
BMI chart, my weight's fine -
I'm just a foot short...

*********************************




















('Wishful Thinking': 17 Syllables)

I'd down THEM in one...

***************************************

If there's one thing I
can't stand, it's aggressive drunks.
Beer bellicose tw*ts...

***************************************




















('Beer Bellies': 17 Syllables)

a fan laments...

**********************************

The whole damned team's as
daft as a brush. And not one
of them a sweeper...

**********************************










- it's a football thing...












('Putting the Arse into Arsenal': 17 Syllables)

on the road again...

**************************************

Straight rockers tend to
tour in vans. Gay ones, too - but
theirs are camper vans...

**************************************




















(17 Syllables)

a cheap shot (or a burger?)

************************************

seems I've spent half my
life in the Free World in chains:
McDonald's...Starbucks...

************************************




















(17 Syllables)