lateral thinking...

**************************************

TV critics don't
so much think 'outside the box' -
more in front of it...

**************************************


















('It's the way they're programmed': 17 Syllables)

men only: the testosterowners' club...

**********************************

it's Friday night, and
I'm with the lads - all glitter-
balls and go-gonads...

**********************************


















('A knight commoner on the tiles': 17 Syllables)

"yes.....yes.....YES!" (trying for 'the pill')

******************************

the pill was clearly
conceived by a couple not
taking precautions...

******************************











- necessity is the mother of invention - and who wants to be a mother?...











("We won't let it beat us! - we'll let it defoetus!": 17 Syllables)

"hello, mate, how's it going?"...

*****************************************

I'll ring you back, Jim -
there's someone on the next line...





Bugger - they've hung up...

*****************************************

















(Either that, or it's a bad line (bad? - I was trying for 'witty'): 17 Rather Sillybles)

seeing red (a little cross)

------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------
-------------------M---------------------
-------------------A----------------------
-------------------N----------------------
-------------------A----------------------
---------------A N G E R------------------
-------------------E----------------------
-------------------M----------------------
-------------------N----------------------
-------------------T----------------------
------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------


**********************************

Bugger!...Yet again
I'm writing dross - no wonder
I'm A LITTLE CROSS...

**********************************






('Anger management: the solution to crosswords. Very crosswords.': 17 Syllables)

I'll get my six-pack from the corner shop, thank you very much...

********************************

I hate physical
jerks - or 'keep-fit fanatics'
as they call themselves...

********************************



















('All I want to exercise is my right to be lazy': 17 Syllables)

it'd beat the bloody telly - again...

******************************************

"I'd love a good night
in."..."In? In what?"..."Well, 'shining 
armour'. You know one?"...

******************************************









...sorry, love - the only knights I know are in white satin...











('A woman can dream, right?': 17 Syllables)

a round too many (the bottle hits back)

***************************

"how come, whenever
I hit the bottle, it's me
who ends up KO'd?"...

***************************










(still, at least a round that costs £21:50 lasts more than three minutes)











('When a flawed character becomes a floored one.':17 Syllables)

the A 63 - to Hull and back...

*******************************

"Lead us, heavenly
Father, lead us - avoiding
Hull, if you don't mind"...

*******************************











- The route of all evil: Leeds to Hull. "Yeah, right. Leads to hell, more like". Whatever...











('King of Kingston-upon-Hull' it ain't: 17 Syllables)

the ageing pugilist - drunk again...

****************************************

"hitting forty's tough"...
"then corner them one at a
time - you'll stand more chance"...

****************************************










- the numbers game (and so is he)











('Youth on his side - forty youths on theirs': 17 Syllables)

doggerel - 'the 3-line whippet'...

**********************************

I draw the line when
it comes to 'poetry' - and it's
the one after this...
________________________

**********************************










the dogged doggerelist - more pet than poet (I think he needs his ego stroking)










(17 Not-So-Well-Red Priscillables (I know my limits)

2/1 strawberry, 7/2 raspberry - money for jam...

*****************************

spread betting's great! -
I've just won a tenner on
marge beating butter...

*****************************

















('I'm on a roll - and so's the marge': 17 Syllables)

spread the word (on toast, with butter)

*****************************

with orange, it's known,
no rhymes can be made
(so it's better to wait
till it's marmalade)

*****************************












or - as this is primarily a '17 Syllable' blog...
**************************************

with orange, it's known,
no rhymes are made (best to wait
till it's marmalade)

**************************************



('Rhymes with Orange': 17 Syllables)

austerity and the weekly shop...

*******************************

cream lightens those bags
under your eyes - poverty
the ones in your hand...
               
*******************************










- whilst Ocado's dropping off some people's shopping, other people's shopping's just dropping off...











('Weightrose Weightdropped. - Lidl by lidl. Hard times': 17 Syllables)

summers leave me cold...

************************************

"a heatwave!" (summer
happy, summer not, some just
think it's bloody hot)

************************************










- fond? memories, fading fast! (I love all the months, really. Exceptember.)











('Seasonal puns? - sort of autumnatic, to be honest': 17 Syllables)

The Taken Inn...

************************************

<FREE SPIRITS> read the
pub sign, "...get the same service
as grumpy old sods".

************************************


















(Bugger! - you had me at 'free': 17 Syllables)

mind you, they're both built like tanks...

***************************************

Jayne? She's full of hot
air. 'Air', not 'water' - that  would
be her twin cistern...

***************************************

















(At least the latter gives us running walking water (lazy cow):17 Syllables)

my family tree's an elder - and I respect my elders...

************************************

tree surgeons? - well, they're
no doctors...but hey, damaged
roots are damaged roots...

************************************









parting is such sweet sorrow - well, my parting is...










('The old pussy willow could do with a trim, too': 17 syllables)

Mary, Mary, quite contrary...

*********************************

"I detest gender
stereotyping. Men, though -
they're obsessed with it"...

*********************************


















('That's Mary all over: womanipulator par excellence': 17 Syllables)

pretty pollyticians...

*******************************************

"Vote for me! vote for
me! vote..." squawk members of the
House, parrot-fashion...

*******************************************










we're in a hell of a state - don't we deserve a hell of a statesman (do they still exist?) 











('The House of Commons: strong, curved bills & legislation': 17 Syllables)

lone sharks - they're the same...

*************************************

see those fish that don't
care to swim in shoals with the
rest? - they're standoffish...

************************************


















(Forget 'chum salmon' - think 'no chum' salmon: 17 Syllables)

in the (400m?) lap of the Gods...

**********************************

if Bolt and Farah
were to run for office, would
they stick to their lanes?...

**********************************










- we're talking future IAAF board members here...











(17 Rather Sillybles)

underneath the arches...

**********************************

funny how something
as sole-destroying as walking
always cheers me up...

**********************************












- "a pair of shoes that always pinches reduces feet to merely inches". (I walked round the island of Ireland once. 10 weeks to the day. Started off with two feet, ended up with one foot ten inches. Well, it sure felt that way. Fond memories.)











('Walking on air in Eire': 17 Syllables)

the list is short - my days are numbered...

*****************************************

plastic...galvanized...
wooden...copper...stainless steel -
that's my bucket list...

*****************************************











- I've got the first two already...











(Kicking the Bucket - Rhymes with "F*cket." As it should.: 17 Syllables)

death's hard to swallow - drugs aren't...

*******************************

"Just Say No" to drugs -
the alternative could have
Grim Reapercussions...

*******************************




















('One Scythe Fits All': 17 Syllables)

grey tits, marsh tits, stupid tits (guilty as charged)

******************************

are those who crave non-
ornithological tits
horny thologists?...

******************************










 









('Bird lovers, by any other name': 17 Syllables)