Frenchship (Le Weekend Away)

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Salmon and eggs for breakfast!
It was really quite a treat...
(But our friends all came from Paris,
So they eight shredded huit)

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('A broad and three fellows': 17 Syllables)

plastic (not so) fantastic...

**********************************

Our marriage is just
like my brand new debit card
these days. Contactless...

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 (and just as stress-inducing)






(17 Syllables)

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Where do black widow
spiders look for a mate? "On
the dark web, I guess"...

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(as for a new home, any old web site would do)







(17 Syllables)

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What two words would you
say sum up pop (the question)
music? "Kneel, diamond!"...

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(17 Syllables)

turning the light off - and me on...

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my wife will only
make love in the dark - she hates
to see me happy...

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(17 Syllables)

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"That's far too full!" complains my wife.
Every time I run a bath I get into hot water...

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(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, November 24)

every cloud, as they say...

************************************

Security firms
are making a bomb these days.
Which they then defuse...

************************************












(17 Syllables)

guru, teacher, guide, dickhead...

*****************************

"never go swimming
after a meal, or jogging
after a burglar"...

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("Stop, thief!" he whispered: 17 Syllables)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Near the entrance to Richmond Park there's a "No Parking By This Bend" sign.
Just round the corner a keep-fit class was going on. "No Bending By This Park,"
I felt like shouting...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Robbin' in Da Hood...

****************************************

Modern-day Robin
Hoods now take from the rich and
give to the pawn shops...

****************************************













(17 Syllables)

if you go down to the beach today...

**********************************

Danger, No Swimming!

If the crime wave doesn't get

you, the RIP tide will...

**********************************

(17 Rather Sillybles)

reach for the sta(i)rs - the Fred Astaires...

*****************************

if you want to reach
the top as a dancer, take
the Fred Astaircase...

*****************************














(17 Syllables)

old age: the age-old problem...

***********************************

I'm 47.
Except in Tuesdays, of course,
when I meet sarah...

***********************************












('The camera never lies - but hey, I do':17 Syllables)

bags of time - and padded, too!...

***************************

they said they'd send it
to me in a Jiffy, but
it's still not arrived...

***************************













(17 Syllables)

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90% of atoms arrested by the police are not
charged. But they'll still keep an ion them...

****************************************************











(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, November 15)

no wonder he's flagging...

******************************

wow, such pressure! - an
assistant referee's job's
always on the line...

******************************














(17 Syllables)

no money, no honey...

*******************************

Want to get stung? Have
a bee venom facial: three
hundred pounds, at least!

*******************************












('They must have seen me coming': 17 Syllables)

like a kid in a suite shop...

*******************************

Damn! Our new puppy's

eaten the sofa! That's one

hell of a suite tooth!...

*******************************

(17 Syllables)

The Debating Society...

**************************

"Field event are not
nearly as absorbing as
track events". Discus.

**************************











(17 Syllables)

stupid knit...

******************************

I always thought a
cardiologist was a
girl who made cardies...

******************************











('Well, she certainly puts her heart into it': 17 Syllables)

rugby un_on (i left at half-time)

***************************************

Rugby Union's

so boring. Once you've seen one

scrum, you've seen the maul...

***************************************

(I love the sport, to be honest: 17 Syllables)

one of her 5-a-day insults...

*******************************

My wife's the apple
of my eye. But, to her, I'm
an ugli fruit. Bitch...

*******************************












(17 Syllables)

still, it's pleasant enough, I suppose...

*********************************

Why is cordial a
cold drink? Isn't it meant to
be warm and friendly?...

*********************************












(17 Syllables)

Couch potato? Or three-piece sweet potato?...

********************************

I'm addicted to
furniture stores. Talk about
having a suite tooth!...

********************************












(17 Syllables)

will this get me into hot water?...

**********************************

A watched kettle...is
probably pretty hot. I
know watched women are...

**********************************













(17 Syllables)

the height of fashion...

*****************************************

if a new dress suits
you down to the ground, why wear
it only knee-length?...

*****************************************












('XXLent choice, madam': 17 Syllables)

what, the ones the engine keeps cutting out?...

***************************************

"Do you ever buy
Lawnmower's Weekly?" - "No, dad
sends me the cuttings"...

***************************************












(17 Syllables)

making "all" the difference...

**********************************

My girlfriend was all
over me once. Now she's just
over me. Fine lines...

**********************************











(17 Syllables)

***********************************************

kleptomaniacs take most things in their
stride (if no-one's looking)

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(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, November 1)

thirsty work, this Crusading lark...

*************************************

"Fifteen pints, nine gins
and a Whisky Mac, please": the
Order of the Knights...

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(17 Syllables)