************************************
the arrivals gate -
scanning the faces, the heart
beats faster. "that's her!"...
-------------------------------------
a holiday of a lifetime later...
-------------------------------------
...the departures gate,
a final embrace - and joy
soon turns to despair...
************************************
(17 Syllables x 2)
Who doesn't like a 3-liner? (Quite a few of you don't, apparently.) Well, I'll have you know that many a critic has said of my work "at least it's in English" - and as for the great Stephen Fry, he once said of me "Vincent who?" Let's just say I supply the litter to the litterati [sic - but only at times] - ie: I write rubbish. But rubbish mostly inspired by the HAIKU, the 17th Century Japanese verse form consisting of 3 lines and 17 (5-7-5) syllables. (WARNING: flash photography and limericks)
Thursday, August 31, 2017
Wednesday, August 30, 2017
Tuesday, August 29, 2017
two week tea is exactly that: too weak!...
********************************
Jane likes her tea so
weak, a single teabag can
be a 'bag for life'...
********************************
(Poverty: when a single teabag becomes a 'bag for life': 17 Syllables)
Jane likes her tea so
weak, a single teabag can
be a 'bag for life'...
********************************
(Poverty: when a single teabag becomes a 'bag for life': 17 Syllables)
Monday, August 28, 2017
*************************************************************************
INNdependent: not tied to a brewery...
INNvoice: the bar bill...
INNvite: fancy a pint?...
INNvidious: this pub's a dump...
INNventive: more cocktails than you can shake a stick at...
INNvariable: the beer's a bit watery at times...
*************************************************************************
(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, August 16)
INNdependent: not tied to a brewery...
INNvoice: the bar bill...
INNvite: fancy a pint?...
INNvidious: this pub's a dump...
INNventive: more cocktails than you can shake a stick at...
INNvariable: the beer's a bit watery at times...
*************************************************************************
(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, August 16)
Sunday, August 27, 2017
The OFFICERS may be in a Mess, but not their uniforms...
************************************
"Where do soldiers keep
all their battledresses?" - "In
a war drobe. Where else?"...
************************************
The officers may
"Where do soldiers keep
all their battledresses?" - "In
a war drobe. Where else?"...
************************************
The officers may
be in a Mess, but not their
uniforms, by jove...
(17 Syllables)
(17 Syllables)
Saturday, August 26, 2017
Bread, 30% off! (but the rest is edible)
***************************************
For Sale: Spelt Bred, two
pounds fifty. Misspelt Bred, one
pound seventy-five...
***************************************
(17 Syllables)
For Sale: Spelt Bred, two
pounds fifty. Misspelt Bred, one
pound seventy-five...
***************************************
(17 Syllables)
Friday, August 25, 2017
20km walk, World Championships, 2017...
********************************************
don't try winning the
race walk two years running - you'll
be disqualified...
********************************************
(17 Syllables)
don't try winning the
race walk two years running - you'll
be disqualified...
********************************************
(17 Syllables)
Thursday, August 24, 2017
still alive! (in 5-7-5)
******************************
it's Cancer! - silly
me for assuming 'horror
scope' was a misprint...
******************************
(17 Not-So-Sillybles)
it's Cancer! - silly
me for assuming 'horror
scope' was a misprint...
******************************
(17 Not-So-Sillybles)
Wednesday, August 23, 2017
***********************************************************************
Our local police station happens to be one of the 40%
that have been shut down across the nation (MoS). It's
now a pizza restaurant. But they've gone out of their way
to maintain the police theme: their prices are criminal!
***********************************************************************
(Vincent Hefter, Mail on Sunday, August 13)
Our local police station happens to be one of the 40%
that have been shut down across the nation (MoS). It's
now a pizza restaurant. But they've gone out of their way
to maintain the police theme: their prices are criminal!
***********************************************************************
(Vincent Hefter, Mail on Sunday, August 13)
Tuesday, August 22, 2017
to be worn round the neck and neck?...
***************************
today's silkworm race
ended up in a tie - a
beautiful silk one...
***************************
(17 Syllables)
today's silkworm race
ended up in a tie - a
beautiful silk one...
***************************
(17 Syllables)
Monday, August 21, 2017
hey, who's counting?...
*******************************
"You rock!" I told Mick
Jagger a week ago. "No,"
he replied, "me Stone."
*******************************
"You rock!" I told Mick
Jagger a week ago. "No,"
he replied, "me Stone."
*******************************
Sunday, August 20, 2017
(puts his serious hat on)
**********************
a star is born...
then borne away.
stillborn.
still crying...
**********************
a star is born...
then borne away.
stillborn.
still crying...
**********************
Saturday, August 19, 2017
no death sentence, however well-written...
**************************************
"Yes, my dog's old...but
she's like the book I'm reading -
I can't put her down"...
**************************************
(17 Syllables)
"Yes, my dog's old...but
she's like the book I'm reading -
I can't put her down"...
**************************************
(17 Syllables)
Friday, August 18, 2017
turning over a new leaf - to page 3?...
***********************************
far better for our
youth to turn to Page 3 than
to turn to violence...
***********************************
('The less bad option': 17 Syllables)
far better for our
youth to turn to Page 3 than
to turn to violence...
***********************************
('The less bad option': 17 Syllables)
Thursday, August 17, 2017
so brief the grief (no longer alive - in 5-7-5)
****************************************
There are no words. Well,
just those four. Bloody hell, that
makes it fifteen now...
****************************************
(17 Inconsolable? Syllables)
There are no words. Well,
just those four. Bloody hell, that
makes it fifteen now...
****************************************
(17 Inconsolable? Syllables)
Wednesday, August 16, 2017
Mo Farah...
************************************
so good to cheer a
guy whose injections of pace
weren't intravenous!...
************************************
('Farah'nd away better than the rest': 17 Syllables)
so good to cheer a
guy whose injections of pace
weren't intravenous!...
************************************
('Farah'nd away better than the rest': 17 Syllables)
Tuesday, August 15, 2017
***************************************
ABBACUS: a Swedish calculator.
***************************************
(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, August 8)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE IAN BELL END...
ABBACUS: a Swedish calculator.
***************************************
(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, August 8)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE IAN BELL END...
-------------------------
Now that Jimmy Anderson's had 'The Anderson End' named after him at Old
Trafford, let's hope Ian Bell doesn't have the same fate befall him at Edgbaston!...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Trafford, let's hope Ian Bell doesn't have the same fate befall him at Edgbaston!...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday, August 14, 2017
chemistry is key (and the key seemed to fit)
**************************************
last night's date went like
clockwork - the bloody woman
kept winding me up!...
**************************************
(17 Sillybles. Very sillybles)
last night's date went like
clockwork - the bloody woman
kept winding me up!...
**************************************
(17 Sillybles. Very sillybles)
Sunday, August 13, 2017
a little cross (and where not to put it)
****************************
Labour get angry,
The Tories get cross...
I think I'll abstain
As I don't give a toss...
****************************
(Talking of lethargy, why does Mrs May insist on
running our country? She seems far better suited to
walking it. It IS a passion of hers, after all)
Labour get angry,
The Tories get cross...
I think I'll abstain
As I don't give a toss...
****************************
(Talking of lethargy, why does Mrs May insist on
running our country? She seems far better suited to
walking it. It IS a passion of hers, after all)
Saturday, August 12, 2017
I went to school once. Turns out once wasn't enough...
**********************************
I started school at
three! It was so bad, I went
back home at half-past...
**********************************
(17 Syllables)
I started school at
three! It was so bad, I went
back home at half-past...
**********************************
(17 Syllables)
Friday, August 11, 2017
driving a bargain - beyond its sell-by date...
*****************************
when one door closes,
another opens - my car,
it drives me crazy!...
*****************************
(17 Syllables)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ben Johnson's done his time. It was 9.79. He won't do it again.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
when one door closes,
another opens - my car,
it drives me crazy!...
*****************************
(17 Syllables)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ben Johnson's done his time. It was 9.79. He won't do it again.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday, August 10, 2017
Wednesday, August 9, 2017
small consolation?...
*********************************
if folk can read you
like an open book, at least
you're not on the shelf!..
*********************************
(17 Syllables)
if folk can read you
like an open book, at least
you're not on the shelf!..
*********************************
(17 Syllables)
Tuesday, August 8, 2017
how the other half lives...
*************************************
Drive you off my land?
No, not me son. Sounds like a
job for my chauffeur...
*************************************
(17 Syllables)
Drive you off my land?
No, not me son. Sounds like a
job for my chauffeur...
*************************************
(17 Syllables)
Monday, August 7, 2017
but they're beans, aren't they, dad?...
*******************************************
"Walkers Crisps? Is that
fast food, dad?" - "No, it's not, son.
That would be 'Runners"...
*******************************************
(17 Syllables)
"Walkers Crisps? Is that
fast food, dad?" - "No, it's not, son.
That would be 'Runners"...
*******************************************
(17 Syllables)
Sunday, August 6, 2017
shed in the garden...
**********************************
a gramps without a
granny's like a nook without
a cranny - tears shed...
**********************************
(17 Syllables)
a gramps without a
granny's like a nook without
a cranny - tears shed...
**********************************
(17 Syllables)
Saturday, August 5, 2017
a door should entrance you, haha - mine didn't...
***********************************
"Don't darken my door
again!" I told the painter -
"paint it white next time!"...
***********************************
(17 Syllables)
"Don't darken my door
again!" I told the painter -
"paint it white next time!"...
***********************************
(17 Syllables)
Friday, August 4, 2017
***********************************************
Glad to hear that the Comma butterfly
hasn't come to a complete full stop...
***********************************************
(saved from extinction, news item)
(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, August 2)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't know why Mrs May insists on running our country -
I'm sure she'd be a lot happier walking it. It's what she does best...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Glad to hear that the Comma butterfly
hasn't come to a complete full stop...
***********************************************
(saved from extinction, news item)
(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, August 2)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't know why Mrs May insists on running our country -
I'm sure she'd be a lot happier walking it. It's what she does best...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday, August 3, 2017
*******************************************************
It's true what they say: whilst many love
affairs end happily, others end in marriage...
*******************************************************
(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, August 1)
----------------------------------------------------------------
Whilst many a love affair ends happily, most end in marriage...
----------------------------------------------------------------
It's true what they say: whilst many love
affairs end happily, others end in marriage...
*******************************************************
(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, August 1)
----------------------------------------------------------------
Whilst many a love affair ends happily, most end in marriage...
----------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday, August 2, 2017
a spinster wears her heart on her sleeve...
************************************
how come men can read
me like an open book - when
I'm still on the shelf?...
************************************
(17 Syllables)
how come men can read
me like an open book - when
I'm still on the shelf?...
************************************
(17 Syllables)
Tuesday, August 1, 2017
***********************************************************
Angus Deayton claims his most embarrassing
moment was a stumble on some steps as he was
about to present the Baftas live (MoS). Really?
The joys of having a selective memory!...
***********************************************************
(Vincent Hefter, Mail on Sunday, July 30)
Angus Deayton claims his most embarrassing
moment was a stumble on some steps as he was
about to present the Baftas live (MoS). Really?
The joys of having a selective memory!...
***********************************************************
(Vincent Hefter, Mail on Sunday, July 30)
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