Thursday, August 31, 2017

Heathrow, Terminal 5-7-5: a departure (from the usual frivolity)

************************************

the arrivals gate -
scanning the faces, the heart
beats faster. "that's her!"...

-------------------------------------
a holiday of a lifetime later...
-------------------------------------

...the departures gate,
a final embrace - and joy
soon turns to despair...

************************************




(17 Syllables x 2)

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

**************************************************************************

Mirren, Mirren, on the wall, who's the vainest of them all?...

**************************************************************************






(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, August 17)

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

two week tea is exactly that: too weak!...

********************************

Jane likes her tea so
weak, a single teabag can
be a 'bag for life'...

********************************







(Poverty: when a single teabag becomes a 'bag for life': 17 Syllables)

Monday, August 28, 2017

*************************************************************************

INNdependent: not tied to a brewery...
INNvoice: the bar bill...
INNvite: fancy a pint?...
INNvidious: this pub's a dump...
INNventive: more cocktails than you can shake a stick at...
INNvariable: the beer's a bit watery at times...

*************************************************************************




(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, August 16)

Sunday, August 27, 2017

The OFFICERS may be in a Mess, but not their uniforms...

************************************

"Where do soldiers keep
all their battledresses?" - "In
a war drobe. Where else?"...


************************************


The officers may
be in a Mess, but not their
uniforms, by jove...



(17 Syllables)

Saturday, August 26, 2017

Bread, 30% off! (but the rest is edible)

***************************************

For Sale: Spelt Bred, two
pounds fifty. Misspelt Bred, one
pound seventy-five...

***************************************






(17 Syllables)

Friday, August 25, 2017

20km walk, World Championships, 2017...

********************************************

don't try winning the
race walk two years running - you'll
be disqualified...

********************************************







(17 Syllables)

Thursday, August 24, 2017

still alive! (in 5-7-5)

******************************

it's Cancer! - silly
me for assuming 'horror
scope' was a misprint...

******************************





(17 Not-So-Sillybles)

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

***********************************************************************

Our local police station happens to be one of the 40%
that have been shut down across the nation (MoS). It's
now a pizza restaurant. But they've gone out of their way
to maintain the police theme: their prices are criminal!

***********************************************************************







(Vincent Hefter, Mail on Sunday, August 13)

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

to be worn round the neck and neck?...

***************************

today's silkworm race
ended up in a tie - a
beautiful silk one...

***************************







(17 Syllables)

Monday, August 21, 2017

hey, who's counting?...

*******************************

"You rock!" I told Mick
Jagger a week ago. "No,"
he replied, "me Stone."

*******************************

Sunday, August 20, 2017

(puts his serious hat on)

**********************

a star is born...
then borne away.
stillborn.
still crying...

**********************

Saturday, August 19, 2017

no death sentence, however well-written...

**************************************

"Yes, my dog's old...but
she's like the book I'm reading -
I can't put her down"...

**************************************






(17 Syllables)

Friday, August 18, 2017

turning over a new leaf - to page 3?...

***********************************

far better for our
youth to turn to Page 3 than
to turn to violence...

***********************************







('The less bad option': 17 Syllables)

Thursday, August 17, 2017

so brief the grief (no longer alive - in 5-7-5)

****************************************

There are no words. Well,
just those four. Bloody hell, that
makes it fifteen now...

****************************************






(17 Inconsolable? Syllables)

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Mo Farah...

************************************

so good to cheer a
guy whose injections of pace
weren't intravenous!...

************************************






('Farah'nd away better than the rest': 17 Syllables)

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

***************************************

ABBACUS: a Swedish calculator.

***************************************





(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, August 8)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE IAN BELL END...
-------------------------
Now that Jimmy Anderson's had 'The Anderson End' named after him at Old
Trafford, let's hope Ian Bell doesn't have the same fate befall him at Edgbaston!...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monday, August 14, 2017

chemistry is key (and the key seemed to fit)

**************************************

last night's date went like
clockwork - the bloody woman
kept winding me up!...

**************************************






(17 Sillybles. Very sillybles)

Sunday, August 13, 2017

a little cross (and where not to put it)

****************************

Labour get angry,
The Tories get cross...
I think I'll abstain
As I don't give a toss...

****************************




(Talking of lethargy, why does Mrs May insist on
running our country? She seems far better suited to
walking it. It IS a passion of hers, after all)

Saturday, August 12, 2017

I went to school once. Turns out once wasn't enough...

**********************************

I started school at
three! It was so bad, I went
back home at half-past...

**********************************






(17 Syllables)

Friday, August 11, 2017

driving a bargain - beyond its sell-by date...

*****************************

when one door closes,
another opens - my car,
it drives me crazy!...

*****************************






(17 Syllables)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ben Johnson's done his time. It was 9.79. He won't do it again.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thursday, August 10, 2017

"I'm a big Chelsea
fan" - "Really?" - "Yes, sixteen stone" -
"Wow, that's really big!"...

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

small consolation?...

*********************************

if folk can read you
like an open book, at least
you're not on the shelf!..

*********************************






(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

how the other half lives...

*************************************

Drive you off my land?
No, not me son. Sounds like a
job for my chauffeur...

*************************************







(17 Syllables)

Monday, August 7, 2017

but they're beans, aren't they, dad?...

*******************************************

"Walkers Crisps? Is that
fast food, dad?" - "No, it's not, son.
That would be 'Runners"...

*******************************************







(17 Syllables)

Sunday, August 6, 2017

shed in the garden...

**********************************

a gramps without a
granny's like a nook without
a cranny - tears shed...

**********************************








(17 Syllables)

Saturday, August 5, 2017

a door should entrance you, haha - mine didn't...

***********************************

"Don't darken my door
again!" I told the painter -
"paint it white next time!"...

***********************************







(17 Syllables)

Friday, August 4, 2017

***********************************************

Glad to hear that the Comma butterfly
hasn't come to a complete full stop...

***********************************************




(saved from extinction, news item)




(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, August 2)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't know why Mrs May insists on running our country -
I'm sure she'd be a lot happier walking it. It's what she does best...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thursday, August 3, 2017

*******************************************************

It's true what they say: whilst many love
affairs end happily, others end in marriage...

*******************************************************







(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, August 1)
----------------------------------------------------------------
Whilst many a love affair ends happily, most end in marriage...
----------------------------------------------------------------

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

a spinster wears her heart on her sleeve...

************************************

how come men can read
me like an open book - when
I'm still on the shelf?...

************************************







(17 Syllables)

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

***********************************************************

Angus Deayton claims his most embarrassing
moment was a stumble on some steps as he was
about to present the Baftas live (MoS). Really?
The joys of having a selective memory!...

***********************************************************







(Vincent Hefter, Mail on Sunday, July 30)