****************************************************

Bit disappointed your 'Chef's Guide to the
Scrummiest Mayos' didn't include Radio 2's
Simon, source of much pleasure...

****************************************************






(Vincent Hefter, Dail Mail, September 18)

a trip - to hospital?...

*******************************************

if dad falls over
when sleepwalking, should we call
a somnambulance?...

*******************************************






(17 Syllables)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When people see clowns these days they think they are all evil killers (news item).
Seems to me the difference between man's laughter and manslaughter is narrowing!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
New threat to the green belt (news item). Better not try to encroach upon
it where I live, chum - and you can take that as a threat from a black belt!)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the slower the breathing, the faster asleep...

********************************************

"He's only asleep!" -
("RIP Van Winkle," they'd all sighed -
but they were dead wrong.)

********************************************






(17 Very Sillybles)

an only child, always on the threshold of life...

***************************************

what would I like to
be when I grow up? - someone's
long-lost brother, please!...

***************************************






(17 Syllables)

she knows how to cut me down to sighs...

************************************

a broad smile from a
pretty woman can make one's
day - or make one weak...

************************************






('A broad's smile': 17 Syllables)

bugger!

*******************************

hating everyone,
by definition, means you
also hate yourself...

*******************************






(17 Syllables)

********************************************************************

What's so wrong with ultra-skinny women (Mail)? Abs
make the heart grow fonder, as far as I'm concerned!...

********************************************************************






(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, September 14)

dry humour...

************************************

if rain is liquid
sunshine, then it's fair to say
I'm dripping hot, mate...

************************************






(17 Syllables)

as I look around me...

*************************************

unemployment's the
lowest it's been for 10 years -
ditto common sense...

*************************************






(it's 42 years, to be honest, but you get the idea: 17 Syllables)

He who is full of beans...is probably a vegan.

**************************

God, I love vegans!
I'll shag anybody with
a pulse. Or pulses...

**************************






(17 Syllables)
==================================================
UK unemployment has fallen to its lowest level since 1975.
I fear the same might be said of common sense...
==================================================

abdominal? phenominal!...

*******************************************

I love girls' ultra-
toned tummies, me. "Abs make the
heart grow fonder," right?...

*******************************************






(17 Syllables)

words set in order are mental possessions...

***********************************

'to create' - it's so
much more pleasurable than
solely 'to acquire'...

***********************************






(17 Syllables)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Or was it all just a pigment of my imagination: such a hue
and cry over Farrow & Ball paints! (news item). And the
lighter the hue, the louder the cry, apparently, haha...(true)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chairman of the Word Association...

****************************************

My name's Mike. Like 'Bike',
but with an 'M'. Well, that's how
I remember it...

****************************************






(17 Syllables)

well, just the one, to be honest...

**************************************

My grandfather was
a man of few words. "Tom," he
said to me last night.

**************************************






(17 Syllables)

if women are from Venus, are men from Marsupials?...

***************************************

"Look! A kangaroo...
outside that Aussie nightclub!" -
"Yeah, it's a bouncer"...

***************************************






(17 Rather Sillybles)

================================================

HURR-I-CANE: note the i of the storm - always in the centre...

================================================

================================================

Poverty: when a single teabag becomes 'a bag for life'...

================================================

=========================================

Nervous rex: kings who fear being overthrown...

=========================================

"we won't get out of bed(lam) for less," to misquote Linda Evangelista...

*******************************

Psychiatrists have
just asked for a sixty per
cent pay rise. Madness.

*******************************






('Linda Evangelista: more a model than a model patient': 17 Very Sillybles)

Pound dollar exchange rate...

***************************************************************

When we heard the pound was down against
the dollar at 1.31, my wife and I were so depressed
we went to lunch at 1.32. Didn't get back till 5...

***************************************************************

3 letters published in the same issue! Must be some sort of record!...
============================================================
"If a week's a long time in politics, then a month must be a lifetime.
May, for instance, seems determined to go on for ever!"...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"When it comes to anti-obesity drives (MoS), how about parents setting
their kids a good example by turning the daily school run into a daily
school, er, RUN!"...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Kirstie Allsopp, your Real Kitchen recipes are great! I think you've
found your Vocation, Vocation, Vocation!"...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Vincent Hefter...
(aka Yvonne Hall (2) & Christina Schaffer (3), Mail on Sunday, September 10)

he conducted himself well, by all accounts - not to mention the orchestra...

***********************************

The Last Knight of the
Proms? Sir Roger Norrington,
two thousand and eight...

***********************************







(Tonight IS the last night, so it's topical, if nothing else...17 Syllables)

Princess of Cambridge forced into early pregnancy confirmation...

******************************

hyperemesis
gravidarim [sic - and not
just in the mornings]

******************************






('He knows the baby's sex, apparently - but William tell?': 17 Syllables)

not to mention all that cheese and chocolate!...

*************************************

my, time flies! - we're born,
we bloom, we pass...all in the
blink of a lifetime...

*************************************







("Next!": 17 Syllables)

like mother, like daughter - not so keen on dad!...

***********************************

Dad hates everything
I stand for. National Anthem
excepted, of course...

***********************************




...even he'll stand for that!




(17 Syllables)

lust of the summer wine...

*******************************

Just as night follows
day, so I follow you. On
Facebook. Such is lust...

*******************************







(17 Syllables)

LGBT sandwich board protesters...

*****************************************

Gays hate BLT
sandwiches. They don't know why
they've been excluded...

*****************************************







(17 Syllables)

BBC 1 - ITV 3 (away win)...Channel 4 - BBC 2 (home win)...

**********************************

documentaries
on blotting paper should be
pretty absorbing...

**********************************






(17 Syllables)

trust coitus to interruptus...

**************************************

Bump! (At least Janet
and John had both managed to
come before their fall!)

**************************************






(17 Syllables)

Pedigree Chum! - who says it's a dog's life?...

****************************************

Our Lassie thrives on
Chum - it sure does what it says
on the Rin Tin Tin...

****************************************







(17 Syllables)