...but never barred - yet!...

***********************************

my relationship
with the local pub? - second
cousin (twice removed)

***********************************





('You're a drunkle, uncle!': 17 Syllables)

"I'm off to to the beech now," she added...

******************************************

"I love yew," said the
tree-hugger. - "Luv you, too," said
Tom, taken aback...

******************************************





(17 Syllables)

marriage wreckers of the world, unite!...

*********************************

when I finish a
relationship, I try to
make sure it's not mine!...

*********************************





(3 into 2 don't go. "DON'T GO!": 17 Syllables)

toasting a baguette - en francais...

***************************************

Homage to fromage:
Brie or Camembert? Who cares?
A toast - "to Frenchship!"...

***************************************





('Who says you can't toast a baguette?': 17 Rather Sillybles)

great food's to die for - HER food's not...

*********************************

Wow! My wife's dressed to
kill tonight. The trouble is,
she'll cook the same way...

*********************************





(17 Syllables)

The Secret Life of Cows (Rosamund Young), £9.99...

**********************************

such clever cows: if
her cattle open gates, then
my cat'll close 'em!

**********************************





("Two can play at that game," said the cat lover: 17 Syllables)

reading, writing and - well, two out of three's not bad...

**************************************

How would I describe
myself in three words? Mature,
tall, stocky, stupid...

**************************************






(17 Syllables)

a heck of a long trip...

************************************

Black cabs take me back
to my youth - but we always
agree a price first...

************************************






(17 Syllables)

the cultural divide...

***************************************

I'll wake her soul by
tender strokes of art, I thought.
"Gotta fag?" she asked...

***************************************






(17 Syllables)

'dropping the h' bomb...

****************************************

mummy's so 'appy,
she's grinning from 'ere to 'ere...
(see graphic below)

****************************************



🙂 from 'ere < ------------------------- > to 'ere 🙂




(17 Very, Very Sillybles)

thought this up yesterday - just got round to posting it...

*******************************************

"son, when it comes to
procrastination, there's no
time like the present tomorrow"...

*******************************************





(17 Syllables)

is 'sports psychologist' just a fancy name for 'head' coach?...

****************************************

why do footballers
need head coaches when it's the
feet that do the work?...

****************************************






(17 Syllables)

"You Can call Me Al" (Paul Simon). Al Satian?...

************************************

German Shepherd's pie
and cauli??? Border Cauli??? -
What a dog's dinner!...

************************************






('Think of it as a treat for your canines, honey':17 Syllables)

apart from Mondays, of course...

**************************************

'Today's Special,' read
the café's sign. To me, though,
every day's special...

**************************************






(17 Syllables)

our first-born...

*************************************

what would we like our
son to be when he grows up? -
the eldest of five!...

*************************************







(17 Syllables)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
It isn't easy taking your relationship to the next level
when you live in a bungalow...
-----------------------------------------------------------------

coining it in...

************************************

try busking, son, the
change'll do us good - if they
throw enough of it...

************************************






(17 Syllables)

*************************************************

If flu makes you feel down, would Aussie
flu (Mail) make you feel Down Under?...

**************************************************






(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, September 21)

I AM that book! - that's my heart on its sleeve...

********************************

better to be an
open book than still be on
the shelf - at my age!...

********************************






(17 Syllables)

they reduced my sentence to 12 words...

*********************************

so cerebral was
my stalking: I had followed
every word she'd said...

*********************************






(17 Syllables)

***********************

back went the
battledress.
into my war drobe.
still alive.

***********************

the ageing process...

***********************************************

I went back home to
collect my thoughts. Now then, where
was it I'd left them?...

***********************************************






(17 Syllables)

self-sufficiency...

********************************

yes, I may be a
mug, but at least I can fly
off my own handle!...

********************************






(17 Syllables)

live every day as if it were your last...

**************************************

"see you, mum!"...but I
never would - the sign read 'do
not resuscitate'...

**************************************







(17 Syllables)

the empty bed on Ward 17...

************************************

why should anyone
remember me in death when
they didn't in life?...

************************************






(17 Syllables)

I love all the months - exceptember...

********************************

as one leaf falls from
the tree, another follows -
it's autumnatic...

********************************







(17 Syllables)

************************************************

I live in a studio apartment, so I can't
have large pets. Meet Charlie. He's not
large at all. He's my newt...

************************************************






(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, September 20)

there are good tips, bad tips - and filter tips, apparently...

***********************************

"never give up, son,"
my dad told me - so I'm still
on twenty-a-day...

***********************************







(17 Syllables)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I doubt you'll find 'backseat driver' Boris on many steering committees!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a two-liner three-liner...

***********************************

which ships are best for
holiday cruises? - "friendship
and companionship?"...

***********************************






(17 Syllables)
-------------------------------------------------
Is snoring the 'sound' of sound asleep?...
-------------------------------------------------

under the weather...

***********************************

I'll tell you what, mate -
dry humour doesn't last long
in a thunderstorm...

***********************************







(17 Syllables)
---------------------------------------------------------------------
If Rio Ferdinand's a boxer, then I'm an Irish Wolfhound...
---------------------------------------------------------------------

anti-social media: a word to the unwise...

*************************************************

the more your phone is
switched off, the more switched on you
are likely to be...

*************************************************






(17 Syllables)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The verdict's now in on Jamie Oliver's first restaurant in France:
"Nice airport, terrible food". (You guessed it: it's at Nice airport)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------