*****************************************************************************

So sad that Philip Pullman feels the need to pooh-pooh Pooh...

*****************************************************************************



(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, October 19)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
President Trump has had 74 days of golf days since taking office, apparently. That's a lot of balls
he's hit. Almost as many as he's spoken, I suggest...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

mum says we're dead similar - but I think I'm more similar than he is, to be honest...

********************************

Oh, no! It's my twin
brother's birthday today. I
completely forgot!...

********************************



(17 Syllables)
('We're identical twins - but I'm pretty sure I'm more identical than him' (Talk about sibling rivalry!)

it's not just blood that's thicker than water - my brother is, too...

****************************************

"I was just thinking,"
I said. "What, again?" countered
my brother, cruelly...

****************************************



("Thin king", haha - that'll be you one day, I guess," said Harry to William)



(17 Syllables)

The Merchant of Venison? - next aisle, sir...

***********************************

our bookshop's got a
new vegan section! (Nothing
by Lamb or Bacon)

***********************************


No, I haven't read
anything by Bacon or
Lamb - I'm a vegan!...


(17 Syllables x 2)
------------------------------------------------------------------
Can I blame my dyslexia on my NDA? Just a thought...
------------------------------------------------------------------

theirs had been the cheapest quote...

***************************************

"Raise the alarm!" I
told the builders. They did. But
only by a foot...

***************************************



('Idiots': 17 Sillybles)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I wanted it outside the bedroom," I screamed. "Ah," they replied, "that's another storey"...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

luggage? who needs it? - you can pack it all into 3 lines....

************************************

words set in order
are mental possessions - like
haiku, short and sweet...

************************************



('Travelling light': 17 Syllables)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Miniatures: if a picture paints a thousand words, can a small one paint a haiku?...

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, May 31,  2022)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

some jokes are corny, some are even cornea...

****************************************

my eyes still haven't
learned how to undress women -
damn these slow pupils!...

****************************************



(17 Syllables)
---------------------------------------------------------------
James Corden should remember just how fine the
line is between comedy gold and Jonathan Dross...
---------------------------------------------------------------

"sadly, there's something your Mrs Mrs," she informed me...

*****************************************

my ex and I had
too much in common - turned out
we both loved women...

*****************************************




(17 Syllables)

Keira's cousin...

*************************************

"I'm an animal
in bed - a camel! 'Two Humps
Knightley,' they call me"...

*************************************




('Once nightly's enough for me, pal': 17 Syllables)

*****************************************************************

Does 'the world's best restaurant', The Black Swan
in North Yorkshire, have an actual cygneture dish?...

*****************************************************************




(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, October 16)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'Opening the door in your dressing gown' used to be a funny joke.
No longer funny, thanks to Harvey Weinstein. Seeing as that's
exactly what he did do, apparently...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

please God, not another "I'm a very famous chap"ter...

***********************************

"celebrity"? tomes -
the list of ghost writers goes
on...anon...anon...

***********************************




(17 Syllables)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
"With age comes wisdom," pronounced the Mother Superior,
snootily. (No wonder they tended to call her Nun the Wiser)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

family ties...

***********************************

my sister had no
idea what bondage was - till
someone roped her in...

***********************************




(17 Syllables)

the cocktail party...

**************************************

I love fishing for
compliments - caught a couple
of tiddlers last night...

**************************************



('Cocktail' is the term used for putting 2 or more types of bait on the same hook)



(17 Syllables)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If 'cocktailing' means using 2 types of bait on the same hook,
is a cocktail party the ideal place to fish for compliments?...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bondage is a pastime 'just like golf', apparently (news item). I
had no idea it was, to be honest - until someone roped me in...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scotch broth'll do for me, thanks...

*******************************************

Scotch brothel: "who the
hell wants song? - just give me the
wine, women and soup!"...

*******************************************




('The unholy trinity': 17 Sillybles)

no change there, then - well, only 17p...

**********************************

These new polymer
£10 notes don't last longer!
Mine were gone by lunch...

**********************************




('Easy come, easy go':17 Syllables)

another 3-liner completed - write on time!...

**************************************

"Do as you would be
done by," said dad. "I would be
done by 8," said I...

**************************************




('Bang on!': 17 Syllables)

the opposite of 'dismembership'?...

***********************************

Dad's just joined two golf
clubs: he's welded his putter
to a 9-iron!...

***********************************




(17 Syllables)

a round - of golf?...

**************************************

want a club sandwich?
"depends on the club, mate - I
can't stand 9-irons"...

**************************************





(17 Syllables)

better than a round of beanut putter sand wedges?...

****************************************

"Play more golf," said my
doctor. Just what my mum said!:
"Greens are good for you!"...

****************************************



"greens are great for your
health, darling - but do try and
stay out of the rough"...




(17 Syllables x 2)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fancy a club sandwich? - "Depends on the club, mate. Can't stand 9-irons"...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

blood is thicker than water - and so's my dad!...

************************************

dad has nothing to
say - but reserves his right to
never stop saying it!...

************************************




('Like mother, like daughter. DON'T LIKE DAD!': 17 Syllables)

a perfect circle - that's the shape I'M in, sadly...

*******************************

the very fittest
of contortionists are the
ones most out of shape...

*******************************


(my wife bends over
backwards to make me happy -
but not every night)



(17 Syllables x 2)

one over the eight...

*****************************************

I have nine fish: one,
two, three, four, five, six, seven,
eight, (....), ten. (Eight ate nine)

*****************************************




(17 Syllables)

are you free tonight? - no, a tenner should do it...

******************************************

I try to entice
her with words. Words such as "do
you charge by the hour?"...

******************************************




(17 Syllables)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scotch Brothel:  Cigarettes, Whiskey and Wild, Wild Women! And ,er, Soup.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

time-travel...

************************************

"Hi, I'm Vincent," I
said. "And I'm a chair," sedan.
So I sat on her...

************************************




('The Sedan Chair': 17 Syllables)

***************************************************

Of course the Chancellor handed Theresa
May a lozenge. After all, he IS in charge
of the Government's coff-coff-coffers!...

***************************************************




(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, October 10)

life's too serious to take seriously, right?...

****************************

3-liners: it's what
I do. It was either that
or terrorism...

****************************




('And I'm hardly making a bomb doing this': 17 Syllables)

*********************************************************

A punch-up in the House of Commons Strangers'
Bar? - Let's just call it political inn-fighting...

*********************************************************

good pub, bad pub (a game of two halves)

*************************************

if the beer's great: "that
wasn't half good!" - if it's bad:
"that half wasn't good!"--->🍺

*************************************


------------------------------------
it's all about the
order (so if the order's
"a half, please," take care!)
------------------------------------



('Drinking: a game of two halves': 17 Syllables x 2)

==================================================
For better or worse, all the stuff you read here is my own
work, but sometimes I come across something which it
would be a crime not to share with both of you.
Here is something I read about recently - and wish I had
come up with myself....
...apparently, there's a diamond ring in the Los Angeles
'Museum of Broken Relationhips' (yes, such a thing really
exists!) with the inscription:
                      "s(he) be(lie)ve(d)"
                   ...absolutely bloody brilliant...
===============================================
'The Museum of Broken Relationships': you enter into it of your own
free will - but could well pay dearly when you leave, hahaha...)
===============================================

if, on the 1st, you don't succeed, s*d it!...

********************************

I always Knew Year's
Resolutions to give up
on puns wouldn't work!...🌟

********************************





(My "traditional" New Year's Day 17-Silly-Syllables!)