a short pictorial interlude - me, on my hols...

************************************************

Fancy a club sandwich? "Depends on
the club, mate. I can't stand 9-irons"...

************************************************



(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, April 15)

snowed under...

************************************

"it never rains but
it paws," sighed the local vet -
"cats and dogs, mostly"...

************************************



(17 Sillybles)

I might have got this wrong...

************************************

a night in shining
armour sure beats a knight in
front of the telly!...

************************************



(17 Syllables)

happy birthday to me!...

*******************************************

my wife's got two kids,
she says - one's thirteen, and one's
forty-two today...

*******************************************



(17 Syllables)

somewhere, on a levelled playing field...

******************************

So what if I can't
spell Armagedon? It's not
the end of the world...

******************************



(17 Syllables)

glass half empty...

*******************************

I paid the new milk
bar a visit yesterday.
No great shakes, sadly...

*******************************



(17 Sillybles)

**************************************************

Give a Michelin chef a pile of ingredients,
and he won't half make a meal of it...

**************************************************



(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, March 27)

inhale and hearty...

*****************************************

My mum inspired me.
"Never give up," she'd say. Which
is why I still smoke...

*****************************************



(17 Syllables)

double mean-ing...

*********************************************

it's hard to be mean
to your spouse when you know what
you mean to your spouse...

*********************************************



(17 Syllables)

even cats only have nine lives!...

**********************************

"A man dies of AIDS
every 8 hours? Why the hell
keep reviving him?"...

**********************************



('Back from the dead': 17 Sillybles)

***************************************************

If men are from Mars and women from
Venus, how come Penny's from Heaven?...

***************************************************


Paean to my wife...
-------------------------
if men are from Mars
and women from Venus, then
Penny's from Heaven...



(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, March 23)

born free - pay later...

************************************

if an elephant
charges you, it's best to pay -
but not with your life...

************************************



(17 Syllables)

when I saw the price, I almost had kittens...

*************************************

when you buy a young
dog at the pet shop, make sure
you're not sold a pup...

*************************************



(17 Syllables)

driving along a fold in the A4...

*************************************

"paper, glorious
paper!" he sang, "it's the stuff
that reams are made of!"...

*************************************



('Or was it the A3?': 17 Syllables)

are you trying it on with me?...

*****************************************

if you're trying to give
someone the slip, make sure you
know whose it is first...

*****************************************



(You might get the dressing gown you deserve! Oops. 'Dressing down," I mean: 17 Syllables)

Remember Keith West's 'Grocer' Jack? Well, he's even grosser now...

 *****************************************

the thing is, when Keith
speaks to me tongue-in-cheek, it's
my cheek his tongue's in...

*****************************************



(17 Syllables)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
In these days of Time's Up and #Me Too, you'd better
make sure, if you speak to someone tongue-in-cheek,
that it's your cheek your tongue's in!...
-----------------------------------------------------------------

**********************************************

Political inn-fighting: a punch-up in the
House of Commons Strangers Bar...

**********************************************



(Vincent Hefter, Wordy Wise, Daily Mail, March 6)

*************************************************************

Anti-obesity drives only exacerbate the problem.
Anti-obesity walks? That's quite another matter...

*************************************************************



(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, March 2)

I can read her like a book...

***************************************

my wife's a bottle
blonde (she hates it when I call
it 'vanity fair')

***************************************



(17 Syllables)

*******************************************************

How soon before Olympian (and occasional
model) Eve Muirhead gets snapped up as the
face of curling tongs, haha?...

*******************************************************



(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, February 26)
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Sarah Ferguson used to be the face of Weight Watchers.
I wonder why she was never its body?...
--------------------------------------------------------------------

the fumble in the jungle...

**************************************

I prefer chocolate
buttons to sex - you don't have
to undo them first!...

**************************************



(17 Sillybles)

cash in the attic......

********************************

"Where are my CDs? -
I keep the ones by Johnny
Cash in the attic"...

********************************



(17 Syllables)

glossy, of course - to gloss over the reality?...

***********************************************

You know it's true: there are lies,
damned lies - and holiday brochures...

***********************************************

everyone knows it's
true: there are lies, damned lies - and
holiday brochures...
(17 Syllables)


(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, February 20)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Franz Beckenbauer would have been great at curling.
Has there ever been a better sweeper?...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Eat more leeks and you'll sleep better, apparently (news
item). As opposed to what this ageing reader does, sadly:
takes more leaks and sleeps worse!...
----------------------------------------------------------------------

(this is just the first draught, haha...)

*****************************************

"Gales suck!" (At least, that's
what my wife thinks.) Myself, I'm
pretty sure they blow...

*****************************************



(17 Syllables)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
"My new carpet cleaner sucks!" (Isn't it meant to?)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
If you want to be a success, get some qualifications -
if you want to be an unqualified success, don't
bother with the qualifications...
-----------------------------------------------------------------

the non-swimmers, right?...

*********************************

in our local pool,
some girls go to any widths
to attract a boy...

*********************************



(17 Rather Sillybles)
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Competent deep-sea divers rarely come up to scratch...
---------------------------------------------------------------------

partying is such sweet sorrow...

**************************************

Jane had a drink from
a man's shoe last night. I think
it might have been laced...

**************************************



("Suede?" - "She sure did!": 17 Syllables)
--------------------------------------------------------------
In China, if you go down to the woods today,
you really are sure of a big surprise. "BamBOO!"...
--------------------------------------------------------------

the balcony scene from...

************************************************************

Talking of balcony scenes, hear about the match
made in heaven?: Rome 0 - Juliet 1, haha...
(an away match, I believe)

************************************************************



("The 'aving it Away Match", a little-known Shakespearean play. On words...)

*************************************************************

Ironic, or what? In Venezuela, the local artisans
eke out a living by making bags of money (Mail)...

*************************************************************



(bags and baskets made out of their devalued currency notes)



(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, February 15)
--------------------------------------------
Compewter: a rare antique, haha...
--------------------------------------------

******************************************************

If nothing else, the Trump/Morgan TV
interview certainly revealed one thing:
a President who is truly loved by his Piers...

******************************************************



(Vincent Hefter, Mail on Sunday, February)
-----------------------------------------------------------
To the innumerate, all nouns are uncountable...
-----------------------------------------------------------