how do I get to - divorce you?...

**********************************************

map-reading quarrels:
the route (but which route?) cause of
many divorces...

**********************************************



('The route of the problem': 17 Syllables)

the battle of the sexes...

*****************************************

my sister loves to
weaponise her clothes - so keeps
them in her war drobe...

*****************************************




(17 Syllables)

**********************************************************

(Coleen Rooney's huge mountain of suitcases.)
And there was I thinking it was Wayne, and not
Coleen, who came with a lot of baggage...

**********************************************************



(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, May 29)

impossible is nothing, right? - wrong...

*************************************

Holding your breath is
quite easy. Holding someone
else's? - MUCH tougher...

*************************************



(17 Syllables)

from 'fashion1sta' to 'fashion2nda'...

***************************************

you know you're past it
when you go from Pierre Cardin
to Pierre Cardi(ga)n...

***************************************



(17 Syllables)

talk about a paper chase!...

**************************

The cops tore up the
A3. Fortunately, I
was on the A4...

**************************



(17 Syllables)

*******************************

A haiku's brief is
to evoke wonder in three
lines. A haiku's brief.

*******************************


(17 Syllables)

********************************************************

Sadly, all my money's tied up at the moment.
"No wonder they call it a trussed fund"...

********************************************************

*****************************************************************

A liberated wife will always be the belle of the ball -
a browbeaten wife the belle of the ball and chain...

*****************************************************************

****************************************************

The material of 'material witnesses' should
always be velcro. That way, you'll know
they'll stick to their story..

****************************************************

ladies first...

********************************
my dad always pines
after my mum (he prefers
it when she pines first)

********************************



(17 Syllables)

today bread, tomorrow the world - maybe...

****************************************

men can't wait to bring
home the bacon -girls just want
to be breadwinners...

****************************************



(17 Syllables)

****************************************************************

The Good Beer Guide: a 'WONDERFUL PUB'lication...

****************************************************************

or the big hand might slap them...

*****************************

Kids should be able
to tell the time by 5. Or
5:30, at least...

*****************************



(17 Rather Sillybles)

timing is everything...

***********************************

if you've got nothing
on at the moment, why not
join a nudist club?...

***********************************



(17 Syllables)

**************************************

He who is an open book
wears his heart on its sleeve...

**************************************



(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, May 16)

pleasure seekers...

****************************************

union guys don't
want a great time - they want a
great time and a half...

****************************************



(17 Syllables)

take your time (taking MINE would be a crime)

*********************************

you're not a burglar
if you break into a sweat -
if it's your own sweat...

*********************************



(17 Syllables)
------------------------------------------------------
burglars don't get arrested for breaking into
a sweat - not if it's their own sweat...
------------------------------------------------------

well-bred and dripping...

*****************************

the horror film was
so scary, there wasn't a
dry seat in the house...

*****************************



(17 Syllables)

and the piano was drowned by the trumpet...

******************************************

"Abandon ship!" they
cried. The cruise ship singer went
down well - and quite fast...

******************************************



(17 Syllables)

I'm a Republican...

*********************************

I prefer writing
paper to be ruled - but not
by a damned monarch...

*********************************



(17 Rather Sillybles)

the meat market - and its vegetarian equivalent...

*************************************

I'd date anyone
with a pulse, me! (Except some
vegan with pulses)

*************************************



(17 Syllables)

each to his own (goal)

*********************************************

a striker just loves
to score goals - drunkards would much
rather hit the bar...

*********************************************



(17 Syllables)
-----------------------------------------------
RONALD 0 - MESS 1 (away win, haha...)
-----------------------------------------------

going down? (in my estimation, yes)

 **************************

breaking wind in an
elevator is wrong - on
quite a few levels...

***************************



(17 Syllables)

hello, cello fellow...

**********************************

only idiots
play air guitar, son - me, I'm
an air cello man...

**********************************



(17 Syllables)

the follow-up hit...

******************************************

"TAKE THAT!" he screamed. "What
about them?" I enquired. So
he hit me again...

******************************************


(17 Syllables)

*****************************************************************

Life gets cheaper as you age. At night, youngsters can
spend a fortune in bars and clubs - whereas pensioners
tend to only spend a penny. Or two. Or three...

*****************************************************************



(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, May 4)

**********************************************

Never call a hunky vegan a beefcake...

**********************************************



(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, April 11)