I've heard of 'high tea' - would this be 'high lunch'?...

************************************

Pork, lamb, beef, chicken...
or hash? Sunday joint options
keep getting better!...

************************************



(17 Syllables)
---------------------------------------------------------------
They say Caravaggio was a murderer. Really? Maybe
he was framed. His pictures certainly were...
---------------------------------------------------------------

no munny, no hunny...

******************************************

I've just bort six hives.
They'er ful of bees - spelling bees.
I need the practise...

******************************************



(17 Syllables)
--------------------------------
Deep-fat friar: chip monk?
--------------------------------

get in there, son...

********************************************

my mother says it
pays to befriend knobs - "knobs can
open lots of doors"...

********************************************



(17 Syllables)
------------------------------------------------------------------
People keep referring to 'broad-brush' Boris. Couldn't
agree more - too many brushes with too many broads.
Whatever happened to family values?...
------------------------------------------------------------------

alcopops...

**************************************

my daughter started
drinking at twelve - didn't stop
till well past midnight...

**************************************



(17 Syllables)

a 99 would be great - but a 69 would be better...

*******************************

vanilla sex? - is
that when a couple go at
it at quite a lick?...

*******************************



(Or when both you and I scream? haha...: 17 Syllables)
------------------------------------------------------------------
Should a Minister for Women and Equalities have both
a manifesto and a womanifesto?...
------------------------------------------------------------------

Politics? Forget Downing Street - I'd rather be downing pints...

************************************

'Drinking' - a game of
two halves. Well, two halves,
two shots and a pint...

************************************



(17 Syllables)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm having therapy for my negativity. Don't see the point, to be honest...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

did you buy it on tick? haha...

****************************

I've just bought a book
on horology. My frends
say it's about time...

****************************



(17 Syllables)

yeah, right...

************************************************

my therapist's dream
night out? -  strip clubs where strippers
bare only their souls...

************************************************



(17 Syllables)

the stripper: she packed 'em in - then packed it in...

*********************************

better to barely 

make a living, dad, than to

make a good one bare...

*********************************

(17 Syllables)

Brexit...

************************************************************

We all know Boris Johnson was a boarder at Eton,
but was he a hard boarder or a soft boarder?
We need to know that, too...

************************************************************



(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, June 24)

damn your forty thieves!...

***********************************

Ali Baa Baa? The
black sheep of our family?
What makes you say that?...

***********************************



(17 Syllables)
-------------------------------------------
I hate vacuum cleaners. They suck.
-------------------------------------------

naval ship classes, 18oz glasses...

*******************************************

"f*ck the grog, where's the
port?" asked the ship - but the port
was in some schooners...

*******************************************



('Ship in a bottle glass': '17 Syllables)

root & branch reform of Forestry Commission...

*********************************

"Bring back the birch!" (I'm
all for reforestation -
whatever the trees!)

*********************************



(17 Syllables)

his and herpes - is they nothing they don't share?...

******************************

Meet the parents. That's
Helium & Shelium -
full of hot air, both...

******************************



(17 Syllables)

a lawyer's brief - and so's this verse...

*******************************

I hate to state the
obvious, but if a case
isn't dropped, it's court...

*******************************



('A well-judged catch': 17 Sillybles)

Going for a song? Less than that, even!...

*********************************************

"I'm going for a drink,"
said the hooker. Wow, that's damned
good value, I thought...

*********************************************



(17 Syllables)

sunday joint - or the fish option?...

*************************************

when the hoi polloi
(that's us) smoke cannabis, do
the posh smoke salmon?...

*************************************



(17 Syllables)

mine was not to reason why...

*********************************

"Utter confusion!"
yelled mum. So I did. But I
uttered it quietly...

*********************************


------------------------------------------
"Utter chaos!" yelled
my mum, seeing my bedroom. So 
I did. But quietly...(17 Syllables)
------------------------------------------



(17 Rather Sillybles)

what's the opposite of a tall story?...

*************************

I'm only 4ft
7 - my family tree
must be a bonsai!...

*************************



(17 Syllables)

what the Dickens?...

-------------------------------------------
Rose's are red,
Violet's are blue -
What colour are Daisy's?
I wish that I knew!...
-------------------------------------------
As for Knickleby, he's knickerless...
-------------------------------------------

Dundee cake? 'Underdonedee' cake, more like...

****************************************

"Baking? Piece of cake!"
boasts dad. "But not one I'd rush
to eat," suggests mum...

****************************************



(17 Syllables)

pretty dress - just a bit four-shortened...

**********************************

Jane's skint. When she goes
out these days she can only
get dressed to the fives...

**********************************



(17 Syllables)

forget HBO, think H20...

********************************************

I could sit on this
bank and watch the Thames all day
long. It's riverting...

********************************************



(17 Syllables)

avoid going bust - whatever its size!...

****************************************

Business models  are
great. Just never ask them what
their measurements are!...

****************************************



(17 Syllables)

conquering shyness...

*****************************

iPhones, iPods and
iPads! - I no longer fear
making iContact!...

*****************************



(17 Syllables)

forget ice cream chimes...

****************************************

I've just composed a
jazz piece for the cornet. "Great
licks," say the critics...

****************************************



(17 Syllables)

can prostitutes turn tan-tricks?...

*******************************

tantric sex, that's the
sex for me - a far calmer
sutra, if you will...

*******************************



(17 Syllables)

******************************************************************

Her Majesty's Secret Sketches (Event magazine): poor
old Queen Victoria - if she looked a bit tired in one
she did of herself, it's only to be expected -  if you're
sketched in pencil, you're bound to look drawn...

******************************************************************



(Vincent Hefter, Mail on Sunday, June 2)

******************************************

Athletes who take drugs 

cross the line. Some in first place,  

and that's the problem...

******************************************



(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, May 31)

******************************************************************

Prisoners behind the counter at Pret a Manger? (Mail).
A case of doing porridge then serving it, haha...

******************************************************************



(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, May 30)