'HMRC Superhero!' (18) - now on general release...

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"Attacksman!"- He who
focuses on some poor soul -
and then a tax him!...

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('He can cost you an arm and a legacy': 17 Syllables)
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Vegan kids! They don't just drive me bananas - they
drive me nuts and crackers, too. Which is pretty much
all they want to eat!...
-------------------------------------------------------------------

clue: the vicar's become a rector!...

------------------------------------

thief steals Viagra -
cops say they're looking for a
hardened criminal...

------------------------------------

when the punishment
fits the crime: Viagra thief
given stiff sentence...

-------------------------------------------------------
Andrea Bocelli, Russell Watson, Aled Jones,
Alfie Boe, Paul Potts: seems crossover artists 

are tenor penny these days...
-------------------------------------------------------

if taken religiously...

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True or false: when a
vicar takes Viagra he
becomes a rector?...

***************************



(17 Syllables)
-----------------------------------------------------
Tasteless, or what? Even in death, it seems,
Whitney could be up for a Hologrammy...
-----------------------------------------------------

well-bred, but not buttered...

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my sister's just gone
from redhead to breadhead - her
hair's now in a bun...

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(17 Syllables)
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Drug running?...
--------------------
Nothing wrong with injecting a bit of pace when it
comes to the final laps, Mo. Not too sure I'd recommend
injecting it before the race has even started, though...
---------------------------------------------------------------------

dim, by any other name...

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is to say someone's
'ill-lit'erate to say that
they're 'not very bright'?...

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(17 Syllables)
----------------------------------------------------
If pets can be put out of their misery, why
can't programmes like Naked Attraction
and Love Island be put out of ours?...
----------------------------------------------------

I'm an animal in bed - not sure which one, though...

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My wife said I was
the dog's bollocks - now she thinks
I'm the cat's whiskers...

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(17 Syllables)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Les Dawson & Les Dennis - The opposite of Les Miserables?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

from £1.53 (paperback, used) from Amazon...

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'Judge throws book at Trump!'
(news headline). I hope it was
The Art of the Deal...

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(17 Syllables)
-----------------------------------------------
Court off guard? Hope he was, haha...
-----------------------------------------------

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Stinking Bishop cheese?
Can't stand it - but my wife eats
it religiously...

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(17 Syllables)
--------------------------------------------------
(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, February 21)
-----------------------------------------------------------
PHILATEL1st - only collects first-class stamps...
-----------------------------------------------------------

--------------------------------------------------------
'The Nine Days' Queen' was Lady Jane Grey,
and she remained so till the day she dyed.
She then became Lady Jane Brunette, haha...
--------------------------------------------------------

Cheese roll? Bacon roll? Forward roll?...

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Spotted in shopping mall: "if you don't
want to have lunch upstairs, why not
have a coffee and roll downstairs?"...

***********************************************

Phil O'Sophical strikes again...

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"He who hesitates
is lost." Really? But why, when
"to...er...is human"?

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(17 Syllables)
----------------------------------------------------------
As a long-time Chelsea supporter, the fact that
Jimmy still hasn't been knighted Greaves me,
too... (Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, February 17)
----------------------------------------------------------

Simon's too many-a-day habit...

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What's ex-'America's Got Talent' judge
Gabrielle Union trying to prove by suing
Simon Cowell? That there's no smoke
without being fired?...

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(Vincent Hefter, Mail on Sunday, February 16)

the inside track...

*********************************

articles on the
paranormal are surely
best when ghostwritten?...

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(17 Syllables)
------------------------------------------------------------
I'm just reading a pretty scathing one-star review
of  John Bercow's autobiography. I trust the
erstwhile Speaker won't object to me laughing
along from a sedentary position?...
------------------------------------------------------------

late bloomers...

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If Rose's are red
and Violet's are blue, then what
colour are Daisy's?...

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(Washing Lines: 17 Rather Sillybles)
---------------------------------------------
Love is...
----------------------------------------
a single rose on
a plate of chips - she stuffs her
face, then licks my lips...
----------------------------------------

Valentine's Daisies...

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The one thing a man thinks he knows is:
A woman just loves to get roses.
(As a matter of fact I
Much prefer cacti...
But sadly they don't come in posies)

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(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, February 14)

a diet of beanut putter sand wedges...

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Play golf, live longer?...
makes sense: the better you play,
the fewer your strokes...

*****************************************



(17 Syllables)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Now Summer and Autumn have both left their partners,
are Winter and Spring living on borrowed time, haha?...
(Summer Monteys-Fullam has left Paul Hollywood,
Autumn Kelly has left Peter Phillips)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul Hollywood: A Man for All Seasons? No. Just the one:
Summer. And then she went and left him. All rather sad...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

arrested development...

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I was a police
cadet for a while  - turns out
I wasn't much cop...

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(17 Syllables)
------------------------------------------------
What use is the milk of human kindness
to the lactose intolerant?...
------------------------------------------------

wet, wet, wet...

************************************

driving tractors on
a motorway's banned - I wish
they'd ban driving rain!...

************************************



(17 Syllables)
--------------------------------------
NITE CAB - Cabinet reshuffle...
--------------------------------------

miaow...

**********************************************************

You wrote last week about the rise of celebrity
cougars. I wonder how many later turn out
to be celebrity cheetahs?...

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(Vincent Hefter, Mail on Sunday, February 9)

suite dreams...

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sidestepping single
and double rooms is such a
pain - damn my suite tooth!...

*************************************



(17 Syllables)
-----------------------------------------------------------
I was spotted stealing a sapling from our local
garden centre yesterday...
"Bring back the birch!" they screamed after me.
What? Just for nicking a small tree?...
-----------------------------------------------------------

magnanimity personified...

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Trump. Such a gracious
man. Not a bad word to say
about anyone...

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(17 Syllables Sillybles)
-------------------------------------------------------
If ageing farmhands are put out to grass, are
ageing City workers put out to concrete?...
-------------------------------------------------------

Confessions of a film, TV and golf lover...

*********************************************************

How often do I think of my idols? Well, I think
of Keira Knightley, Tess Daly and Boo Weekley!
That's how often, haha...

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-----------------------------------------------------------------
49% approval rating for Trump! Does that mean he's
not half good? (Exactly that - not even half, haha!...)
-----------------------------------------------------------------

(des)potty mouth...

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Trump calling all and
sundry mentally deranged? -
despot - kettle - black?...

**********************************



(17 Syllables)
------------------------------------------------------------
Delighted that Shirley's got rid of her unwanted
ballast... (Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, February 6,
on Shirley Ballas's breast reduction)
---------------------------------------------------------------
Will success in the Iowa caucuses prove to be a
double-edged sword for Mr Boot Edge Edge? haha...
(raised expectations, and all that)
---------------------------------------------------------------

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DENSA - The opposite of Mensa.

***************************************



(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, February 4)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
President Trump gets Kansas City Chiefs' state wrong.
It's not the first 'wrong state'ment he's made, and it sure
as hell won't be the last, haha...
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Trump: a bad day for humanity...

****************************************************************

What a farce the whole impeachment process was.
Will this self-confessed pussy-grabbing creep now
get four more years to 'Make Our Teeth Grate Again'?

****************************************************************

no peerage for Bercow leads to "no peer" rage!...

***************************************************

Some thought John Bercow peerless
as a Speaker. Those who didn't are doing
their best to ensure he remains so now...

***************************************************



(Vincent Hefter, Mail on Sunday, February 2)

****************************************************************

My musical tastes have done a complete 180. I used
to love Kanye West - now I'm more into Fleur East...

****************************************************************



(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, January 30)

**********************************************************

Middle East 'Deal of the Century,' my arse...
what next for that tyrannical ignoramus Donald
Trump? An audacious plan to free our monarch,
who he doubtless believes to be currently
trapped in Buckingham Palestine?...doh!

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It must be great to win a Bafta! 
(However bad the morning afta - hic!)


**********************************************************

if you can't put it off, put it on, Tom!...

*************************************

Tom's girlfriends all thought
he used a condom. Ten kids? -
he conned 'em, all right...

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(17 Syllables)