Knock it on the head, lads...

*************************************

My brother and I

were always out clubbing. Till

PETA objected...

*************************************

(People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals)

(The Blubber Clubber: 17 Syllables)

------------------------------------------------------------

If you slap your bother on the bottom and he 

takes it on the chin, why not slap him on the chin 

and see if he takes it on the bottom?

------------------------------------------------------------

You only live twice...

********************************

I was young once. Twice,

if you count last Saturday.

What a day that was!...

********************************

(17 Syllables)

You shouldn't have. No, really, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE!

******************************

If your children are

gifted, is it morally

wrong to re-gift them?...

*******************************

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, March 2: 17 Syllables)

Why, oh why, did they christen him Dai?...

****************************************

BRINGING UP THE RHEA -

what this newborn's mum will be

doing for a while...

****************************************

(17 Syllables)

Convenience food...

***************************************

PLASTIC BAGuettes may

lack taste, but they're certainly

easy to carry...

***************************************

(17 Syllables)

Nadhim Zahawi's dodgy tax dealings...

***********************************************

MPs should ALL should be

whiter than white, right? - "Hey, don't 

bring race into this!"...

***********************************************

Rosie's are red - not sure what colour Violet's are...

******************************************

Pills may well have got

Rosie Green through HER divorce -

Pils got me through mine...

******************************************

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, January 25: 17 Syllables)

Apple bobbing...

*********************************************

Carole O'Farrell

Dipped her head in a barrel

And proceeded to give it some head.

(But none of us cared

As we just stood and stared

At her GLORIOUS BOSOM instead)

*********************************************

Put it this way: she ain't no Granny Smith!...

The poetry's rubbish, mind...

*************************************

Yes, I'm an award-

winning poet: "Best Garden in

the Village". Again!...

*************************************

(17 Syllables)

Nominative determinism?...

*******************************

If lapdogs sit on

your lap, does a pussycat

sit on your pussy?...

*******************************

(17 Syllables)

Non-binaries, get to the back!...

****************************************

Women and children

first, you say? Then why the hell

shout 'man' the lifeboats?...

****************************************

(17 Syllables)

***************************************************************

Nuts, crackers, bananas: an unimaginative vegan

diet - or many a person's opinion of Prince Harry?...

***************************************************************

Spare, by Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex...

********************************

If I were King Charles,

I'd strip Harry's book of its

title. Serve him right...

********************************

(17 Syllables)

Standing Charges...

**********************************************************

The only place a standing charge is acceptable 

is at Shakespeare's Globe - for us modern-day 

groundlings who can't afford seats...

**********************************************************

(Vincent Hefter, Mail on Sunday, January 8)

Petite and en-suite...

***************************************

That fly cleaning its

wings on a pear drop sure loves

its on sweet bathroom...

***************************************

(17 Syllables)

If, on the 1st, you don't succeed, give up...

*******************************

Bugger! I Knew Year's 

resolutions to give up

on puns wouldn't last!...

*******************************

(My Annual 17 Syllables)