Once I looked good - now I look good and long...

--------- o ---------

"Not bad for eighty,"

reflected my mirror. Thing

is, I'm forty-two...

--------- o ---------

...seems I'm not as good

for MY age as I am for,

well...someone else's!

--------- o --------- 

***************************************

The weather reflects

my mood. Time to batten down

the hatches, people!...😡

***************************************

(17 Syllables)

********************************************

Britain's Got Talent?

Really? Then how come there's none

in the Cabinet?...

********************************************

(17 Syllables)

The Solomon Islands...

--------- o ---------

"Bullet, Mr?" asks

the shy young girl where once were

flowers on Bloody Ridge...

--------- o ---------

Was the sun as bright, 

the view so beautiful,

in 1942?...

--------- o ---------

Gullible's Travels, 1991 - 2001.

Masterchef elimination...

********************************

Was this the perfect

pasta dish? No. I'd made a

fusilli mistakes...

********************************

(17 Syllables)

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Dr Ellie, the pain in my gut is no more down to

IBS than my dislike of politics is down to IDS...

----------------------------------------------------------------

Bugger, her eyes are green!...

******************************************

"I've bought you a great

pair of blue earrings to match

your..." - "lips, when they're cold?"

******************************************

(17 Syllables)

a visitor...

*****************************

a bird alights on

my balcony, at home in

the concrete jungle...

*****************************

(17 Syllables)

Did the earth move?...

**********************************************

I've got so many

damned faults, I should have married

a seismologist...

**********************************************

(17 Syllables)

-----------------------------------------------------------

Make love to a seismologist, and he'll be able to 

tell you exactly how much the earth moved!...

-----------------------------------------------------------

Or Rosemary?...

****************************************

When a transgender

criminal does thyme, should 'she'

do it with Basil?...

****************************************

(17 Syllables)

Wine ot?...

*************************************************

"I'll never wear that

hearing aid!" - "Why not?" - "Yes, please.

Got any Merlot?"...

*************************************************

(17 Syllables)

Talk about hiding in plain sight!...

***********************************

how funny is it 

that the long arm of the law 

has a crook in it?

***********************************

(I can't think of a

much better example of

hiding in plain sight!)

(17 Syllables)

Albumen will be men...

***************************************

Those albumen who

are bad eggs, are doubtless egg

white supremacists...

***************************************

--------------------------------------

No feminist would

tolerate being under the yolk

of albumen...

--------------------------------------

(17 Syllables)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When the colour-blind become very angry, what colour do they see?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

************************************************************************************

Poetry's easy (though

I struggle with levity)

But I hope this'll show

That one thing I don't have a problem with is the concept of brevity.

************************************************************************************

I took a course in poetry,

But found it rather hard...

(Though rhythm's not a problem,

What on EARTH can rhyme with 'hard'?)

**********************************************

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tell a blue joke to the colour-blind and you'll probably get away with it.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Japanese Kobe beef from £500 - £900! (true story)

*******************************

£900 steaks

are quite rare. Luckily, I

prefer mine well-done...

*******************************

(17 Syllables)

--------------------------------------------------------------------

What colour are the white lies told by the colour-blind?

--------------------------------------------------------------------

A White House leak? No. He's no longer IN the White House...

******************************

Donald Trum_? He tried

so hard to smile today, a

little p came out...

******************************

(17 Syllables)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Can bishops address problems in their diocese head-on, or 

do they have to go about it diagonally?...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Cheers, Sir David (fellow Richmond resident)

************************************************

Not much that I've seen on TV

Is better than Planet Earth Three.

I just can't get enough

Of the wonderful stuff

That's found both on land and at sea...

************************************************

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm sacking Suella, and I'll tel: her myself, said Rishi, 'bravely'...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One letter can make a word of difference...

****************************************

"I put my horse out

to grass yesterday." - "What! You

put it to the sward?"... 

****************************************

PUT TO THE SWARD - put out to grass...

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, January 23)

(17 Syllables)

(A bit of a dick)tionary definitions...

*******************************

Is a detractor

someone who disparages

farm machinery?...

*******************************

(17 Syllables)

Pro-Palestine march...

******************************************

'SHOULD MARCH BE BANNED?' read

the headline. Yes! And so should

April, May and June...

******************************************

Come to think of it,

why not ban all the other

months? (Exceptember!)

(True story, seen in paper two days ago: 17 Syllables)

Rishi Sunak / Suella Braverman...

*****************************

It takes a braver

man than the PM to get

rid of Suella!...

*****************************

(17 Syllables)

DAME Priti Patel? Hmm...

*********************************

There is nothing like

a dame, and it's true: Priti

IS nothing like one...

*********************************

(17 syllables)

In praise of sport...

***************************************************

Thank God for the existence of sport

When events in the world are so fraught -

A blessed relief

From the pain and the grief,

And the chance to let rip on a court.

***************************************************

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Lifestyle choice"? The only reason the homeless DON'T hit the 

roof when hearing of Suella Braverman's heartless comments is 

that, as the name implies, they don't have a bloody roof to hit...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No Know, Nanette...

**************************************

A LITTLE LEDGE IS
A DANGEROUS THING - will you

please climb back inside!...

**************************************

(17 Syllables)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Nuke Gaza? You'd have to be A Blinken idiot to take Israel's 

heritage minister's suggestion seriously. And I don't believe 

the U.S. Secretary of State is...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

No need to canvass the under canvas to find out what the 

tent-sleeping homeless feel about Suella Braverman's 'lifestyle

choice' comments. I would have thought it's fairly obvious...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sleeping rough a lifestyle choice? Any wonder many people 

less fortunate than herself share an IN TENTS DISLIKE of our

current Home Secretary?... #TheHomeless

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Winging it...

************************************

What do parrots with

an identity crisis

speak? - "Pidgeon English?"...

************************************

(17 Syllables)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

RAIN OF TERRA - oh dear, it looks like it's beginning terrain...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

......             BLACK OLIVES MATTER

        -------------------------------------------------------

                  

                  You can't make a salad without 'em.

                         

                       Well, not a Greek one, anyway.

No wonder business is slow...

********************************************** 

Sale: MOBILITY

SCOOTERS GOING FAST! - "Oh dear, I

need one that doesn't"...

**********************************************

(17 Syllables)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

NOBILITY SCOOTERS - mobility scooters for the aristocracy?...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

'Damn! and blast' furnaces...

***********************************

My boss fired me when

I smelt a rat. Seems I should

have been smelting steel...

***********************************

(No rodents were harmed in the making of this 3-liner)

(17 Syllables)

Some are even called Stella...

***********************************

Working behind a

bar's great. I pull ever night.

Pints, mainly. And halves...

*********************************** 

(17 Syllables)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TIKTOXIC MASCULINITY - the bane of many a girl's social media life.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Should plaice kickers be reported to the RSPCA?

-----------------------------------------------------------

Same again?" asked the barman...

*************************************

When I pull, I like

to give head. For what good is

a pint without one?...

*************************************

(17 Syllables)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A night in shining armour's not nearly as comfy as sleeping in pyjamas.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bar work's great for aesthetically-challenged young men. 

Where else can you pull every night? (Even if it is only pints.)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Job-specific headgear...

**************************************

What does a meter

reader wear on his head? - "An

energy price cap?"...

**************************************

(17 Syllables)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

SIZEMOLOGISTS - they tell you how BIG the quakes were...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Donald Trump doesn't have ONE golf course in the top ten of Golf Magazine's World

Top 100 courses, 2023. All part of a fascist plot by radical left Democrats, presumably? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------