that old travel bug: the see[sic] blues...

****************************

Sailing The Seven Seas 

****************************

---mediterranean sea,

---adriatic sea,

---arabian sea,

---caspian sea,

---black sea,

---red sea,

---nau sea [sick]

****************************

"Listing seas: far safer than listing ships. - Discuss."

the ex-factor: a star is born - then borne away...

**************************************

once upon a time

I was the best thing since sliced

bread - and now I'm toast...

**************************************

('Born & Bread, and Buttered Up': 17 Syllables)

love is...

**********************************

Our eyes met, and my

life changed forever. Herpes -

it keeps coming back...

**********************************

- what's mine is yours, what's yours is mine: his and herpes...

(Romance - not so much 'dead', more 'dead honest': 17 Syllables)

there's the wrong way - and the write way...

********************************

if you've nothing nice

to say about someone, say

nothing - just text it...

********************************

('And another thing...': 17 Syllables)

pounds, shillings and pensive (is it still only a penny for your thoughts?)

********************************

pennies? - these days they
go as far as the old, well,
not very farthing...

********************************


















('The Penny (Not So Far)thing': 17 Syllables)

a union of utilities...

************************

is the merging of
gas and electricity
a coalition?...

************************


















(Just a thought (only just) : 17 Syllables)

the Muslim equivalent of a life behind bras...

******************************

modesty may well

be the word, but a burqa's

more of a sentence...

******************************

(17 Not-So-Sillybles: '17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

In an English country garden...

************************************

She gave us a wink

As she pulled down her dress...

(With a 'hey-nonny-no,'

Which I took as a 'yes')

************************************

(Sung - to the tune of £25 for a quickie. Only kidding)

if a lit'll won't kill you, a lottle...

********************************

copious amounts

of gin's fine - can't copious

amounts, now that's bad...

********************************

('Rhymes With Bottle': 17 Syllables)

OK, so it wasn't exactly life-threatening...

********************************************

I writhed on the floor,
screaming for help...some houmous...
and "maybe some crisps?"...

********************************************


















('17 Syllables plus' re-mix)

putting the tit into title (it's 'Mr', not 'sister')

****************************************

male escorts who call
themselves fee males haven't quite
thought it through, methinks...

****************************************




















(17 Professionally Sillybles)

their hooker's a looker: putting the 'scrum' into scrumptiousness...

****************************************

"crouch - touch - pause - engage" -
Australian foreplay has
some very strict rules...

****************************************











(1) crouch...(2) touch...(3) pause...(4) engage - so that's what's meant by fourplay!...

('Rugby - Not So Much a Sport, More a Lay of Wife': 17 Syllables)

'Confessions of a Working Girl', out now in paperback...

*********************************

no, dad - "once upon
a mattress" doesn't make it
a bedtime story...

*********************************



















(Once Upon a Time and a Half ("It's Saturday Night, Luv"): 17 Syllables)

you'll find me at the bar - all bloody day...

**************************************

"I'm knackered! - Boy, do
they keep you on your toes here.
Bloody ballet school!"...

**************************************












- and bloody ballet toes...











('It's all tu-tu depressing': 17 Syllables)

are these the pets of 'heavy petting'?...

************************************

love rats and rampant
rabbits...everywhere! - it's pets'
corner round my place...

************************************




















('fornicating mammals, n pl: animal lovers': 17 Syllables)

a snitch in time results in nine years' 'time'...

*******************************

a word in someone's
ear can lead to a sentence
in a prison cell...

********************************












...and a whole new chapter in someone's life...











('That Green Green Grass at Home - I'll Kill Him!': 17 Syllables)

arose from the dead...

******************************** 

 'reincarnation'?... 

why carnation? - wouldn't 'a 

rose' be far more apt?... 

******************************** 

 (17 Syllables)

  ---------------------------------------------------OR ----------------------------------------A rose...from the dead? Is that when a rose is thrown on the coffin - and, bugger me, it's thrown straight back?...

'The Deep Fat Friar', Sherwood Forest...

*************************************

"Nottingham and eggs
again!" - Robin Hood soon tired
of Tuck's greasy spoon...

*************************************





















("Give us a break"fast: 17 Rather Sillybles)

a rose by any other name...

********************************* 

 what? this isn't an 

orgy? - then it's one heck of 

a legs-aparty...

********************************* 

 (17 Sillybilly'bles)

the redheads of state...

***********************************

it's feared, when redheads
do rule the world, they'll do so
way too gingerly...

***********************************










(according to a recent straw(berry blonde) poll)













('Seems it's almost taken as read - well, auburn': 17 Syllables)

putting the 'car' into carcasses...

******************************************

"any manifold
joints in stock, butcher?" - "er, beef
or chicken stock, sir?"...

******************************************




















('A case of the blind leading the blind' (as opposed to a case of Chablis, say?): 17 Syllables)

from will.i.am to will.i.was...

***********************************

"When I say 'Fire!', fire
at will!" - so they did. Poor old
will - no-one liked him...

***********************************




















('A Black Eyed Pea who got more than just a black eye': 17 Syllables)

hey, size is everything...

****************************************

the bad news, pal, is
that you're a prick - the good news:
you're quite a big one...

****************************************



















(17 Sillybles)

two's company, three's the green, I believe...

**************************************

'love, honour...and a
baize' - it's that old snooker love
triangle again...

**************************************
















('A snooker widow's longest break? A weekend in London.': 17 Syllables)

hardly an alcohol-fuelled life...

******************************** 

 

at about seven 

months per bottle, I prefer 

a very sloe gin... 

 ********************************

  - makes up for all the fast food, mind... 

('7 mpb', 17 Syllables)

the human race? - that's me, being lapped...

*************************

sensitive feet run
in the family - ever so
gingerly, it seems...

*************************

















(17 Syllables)

the royal family? - what a shower...

**********************************

the Queen's reigned non-stop
for sixty years now - and still
there's a hosepipe ban...

**********************************












(seems our humour's as dry as ever, too)












('Well-Bread and Dripping-in Diamonds': 17 Syllables)

drug running and the 2012 Olympics...

************************

will anti-doping
policies still allow for
injections of pace?...

************************













(Yesterday's breaking news: drugs-cheat Dwain Chambers' lifetime ban overturned - now eligible for the Olympics)












('nothing wrong with a bit of needle': 17 Syllables)