a footballer's career treads water...

********************************************

"Our John's come on a 
lot"..."Yeah, right. Thirteen times. And
always as a sub"....

********************************************










("Tread water"? Can subs do that? I always thought they just dived - at the slightest touch, right?)










('To Come on More Than One's Career Has': 17 Syllables)

Cyclone Sandy batters US East Coast...

**************************************

"Cyclone...Hurricane...
or Cyclops"? - they all have their
eye in the centre...

**************************************










- storms, by any other name...












('The i of the Storm': 17 Syllables)

pigs trot (but colours can make them run)

********************************

if you prefer your
bacon streaky, put it in
the wash - with coloureds...

********************************
















(17 Syllables)

************************************************************************

Does a day ever day go by without some sort of football scandal? The fact that this horrendous sport (I speak of the professional game only) is known as 'The Beautiful Game'...well, I don't think I've heard a better joke these last few years.
And to those who say that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, I suggest that, sometimes, beauty merely lies. Period.

***********************************************************************

fit for purpose? - no, just fit...

**************************************

would it be fair to
call builders' merchants who run
out of doors 'joggers'?...

**************************************





















("Fetch!": 17 Syllables)

as opposed to a chateau, right?...

*******************************

nothing goes better
with cottage pie than a fine
one-storey house wine...

*******************************


















('The Perfect Accompaniment': 17 Syllables)

one harrowing a/c after another...

****************************************

If money talks, well,
so do the banks. Their statements
can quite depress us...

****************************************

















(17 Syllables)

Marrakech, Oct 23: a Red Letter Day...

***************************************

Age? - it's just a number,
And it seems that mine's not up...
As I enter second childhood
And revert to being a pup...

***************************************










...OK, so 4 red letters, then - the rest unread till I get back. (Written on A4, hopefully.)








   



Just Don't Mention The Pension...

light entertainment...

*************************************

"What lighting's that?" asked
my wife in the bedroom. "Strip,"
I said. So she did...

*************************************
















('It's A Game We Play': 17 Syllables)

having your cake and eating it - alone...

 *************************************

celibacy? - a
piece of cake (date and walnut -
but without the dates)

*************************************

















('Another Quiet Night In': 17 Syllables)

fast and furious (he was fast, the world was furious)

************************************

by taking drugs, Ben
Johnson crossed the line - in a
new world's best, sadly ...

************************************








 
...an injection of pace, sure - but administered by whom?...











('The Seoul of Indiscretion': 17 Syllables)

identity theft...

********************************

I always knew I'd
be someone one day. But I
just never knew who...

********************************










("see, I am bitious, dad!")











('This Year, Matthew, I'm Going To Be...':17 Syllables)

to whom it may concern...

********************************

"My virginity's
something I cherish, take it
from me. But not yet!"...

********************************







- and the, er, darker version...



********************************

"My virginity's
something I cherish, take it
from me." So I did...

********************************









(17 Syllables)

liquid assets, by any other name...

*********************************

a fast-flowing current
account's as close as I'll get
to an offshore one...

*********************************

















(17 Syllables)

now look who's getting fruity...

****************************

papayas having
it off with watermelons? -
talk about seedy...

****************************










- bloody hell, there are are masses of the buggers...











("Hey, Who's Your Daddy?"Asks Papa Papaya: 17 Syllables)

being shot: it's not cool, but it's certainly neat...

**********************

....the discharge...

---------------------------

....the bullet in.....

---------------------------

....the bullet out...

---------------------------

....the bulletin......

---------------------------

....the discharge...

**********************




----------------- in and out of hospital - like a shot -----------------

hate the steep ones, mind...

*********************************

I just love running
up bills - hey, it saves having
to go to the gym...

*********************************
















(17 Sillybillybles)

fast food: the 3-minute round of bread...

******************************************

"fancy a knuckle
sandwich? - I think one round should
just about do it"...

******************************************

















('Looks Like You're Toast, Mate': 17 Syllables)

the quest for immortality...

*******************************

learn to hate life: you
won't live forever - but, hey,
it'll seem like it...

*******************************















(17 Syllables)


------ Stop Press ------

Footballers - they're not the sharpest tools in the box (not even the penalty box, haha): a story from today's press (only slightly re-arranged)

Travelling on the London Underground today, England football manager Roy Hodgson tells an ageing Rio Ferdinand it's the end of the line. "How do you mean?" asks Rio, "there are still 4 stops to go"...

they're canines,right?...

**********************************

my dogs?...they're like false
teeth - they need to be taken
out last thing at night...

**********************************

















(17 Rather Sillybles)