Love is...(2)

************************************

greater love hath no
man than this: he lay down his
wine in her cellar...

************************************








(Love? Not really. He lived on the 4th floor, so had no choice. Sorry, and all that...)









(17 Syllables)

turn away now...

*********************************

The following line
contains flash photography.
Oops! Too late. Sorry...

*********************************


















(17 Syllables)

the rest of me's Chelsea...

***********************************

I've got a club foot.
That wouldn't be so bad, but
the club's Arsenal...

***********************************




('It's only a defect when the club is Arsenal!': 17 Syllables)

"pounds, shillings and pensive types, honey"...

***********************************

"Which two types of men
do I admire?" - "Businessmen
and acumen, dear"...

***********************************


















('It's the sagacious who make me salacious': 17 Syllables)

when the R.I.P.cord fails...

************************************************************

On Tuesday, August 25, Uncle Tom came down
to earth with a bang...he died instantly, of course,
and went straight back up to heaven...

************************************************************

Up and up he went, ever higher...

   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...
   ...higher and higher...

...until he finally arrived at heaven...

"Hiya!" said the angels...

"Well, bugger me!" sighed Uncle Tom, "surely this is hiya nuff?!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A match made in heaven: Kanye West once had three albums in Rolling
Stone's "500 Greatest Albums of All Time". His wife, Kim Kardashian, is
the proud possessor of one of the "500 Greatest Bums of All Time". You
couldn't make it up. Except I did, but only a bit...(he's just announced he
wants to run for President in 2020). Kanye West, what a bum...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

liar, liar, Spanx on fire...

*************************************

"I haven't gone up
a dress size in fifteen years!" -
(True? Of corset's not)

*************************************








fifteen years of dieting - all gone to waist...







(17 Syllables)

Damn! That hurt. Ninjutsu, who need it?...

**************************

in feudal Japan,
many a ninja'd party
hated martial arts...

**************************

















('The injured party': 17 Syllables)

Cricket? - or Family (miss)Fortunes?...

****************************************

Miss...Mr.Nother...
Miss...Miss...Mrs.Again...Miss...
Mr.Nother...Miss...

****************************************







We went all out for victory. But went (all out) for 92...









(Bye bye (otherwise known as 'two extras'): 17 Syllables)

historic pubs granted listed status...

*************************************************************************

English Heritage say there are now 21 listed pubs in Britain...
(and I dare say 21 Brahms and Liszted landlords as a result?)

*************************************************************************

it's from my girlfriend: "check out THIS vista, mister"...

**************************************

we send each other
picture postcards - an exchange
of views is healthy...

**************************************


















17 Pretty Sillybles (she pretty, me silly)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"NET MIGRATION HITS RECORD HIGH!" (BBC). Keep those bloody nets out, I say...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

my London derriere ("Danny Boy" to you)

***********************************

Someone pinched my bum
out shopping today. They still
haven't brought it back...

***********************************








- a good lot of fat that'll do them a fat lot of good...









(17 Rather Sillybles)

the brain: soft, nervous tissue (especially nervous in maths)

****************************

I'm a head teacher -
it's the only part of the
body worth teaching...

****************************








- arms, legs, torso: brainless, the lot of 'em...









(17 Rather Sillybles)

people thought me asinine - turns out I'm canine!...

***********************************

Dogs can sense fear? And
respond to a human's love?...
"I think I'm a dog!"

***********************************


















(17 Syllables)

sex traffic: bad - traffic sex: good!...

***************************************

The man pulled out in
front of me. So I sat up,
thanked him - and got dressed...

***************************************


















(17 Syllables)

potato-head of state...

************************************

if  'pommes de terre' are
potatoes, might an 'homme de 
terre' be King Edward?...

************************************


















('King Edward potatoes': 17 Syllables)

Way to go!...

****************************************

I've lost the use of my senses,
I fear they've all gone west -
(Except for my sense of direction,
For that, I think, went east)

****************************************

















(4 lines? Way out of my comfort zone!)

potboilers...

***********************************

do TV chefs get
rich by writing books, or by -
well, cooking them, too?...

***********************************

(do as you would be done by: 1) chef cooks the books 2) taxman grills the chef)







('Catering to popular taste': 17 Syllables)

child-rearing...

********************************************

"out of sight, out of
mind": bad mum! - "out of sight, out
of my mind": good mum...

********************************************








K - ds: you've got to keep an i out for 'em...









(17 Syllables)

she's more than an ex - she's an XXL...

***********************************

she'd feed her body,
but not her brain - my darling
ex, but quite inane...

***********************************








(any resemblance to a living person is purely coincidental)









An XLent 17 Syllables (or 17 Syllables-lite?)

one good(?) turn deserves another...and another...and another...

************************************************

the lights were turned off...
the sheets turned down...and, when she
turned up and turned in,

-----------------------o-----------------------

I turned over...But
what a turn-up!...it turns out
I'm not a turn-on...

************************************************












(17 Syllables + 17 Syllables)

meanwhile, in a Mumbai slum...

**********************************

when 'another day,
another dollar' is just
a dream - that's hardship...

**********************************








(I'm allowed the occasional less frivolous post)









(17 Syllables)

Doris and Edna...

**************************************

"Look! There's a couple
making love!" - "Well, I never!" -
"Don't you, dear? You should"...

**************************************


















(17 Syllables)

thick as a plank - but not as thieves...

***********************************

"stupid husbands! - when
mine's asleep, I'd rather walk
the plank than wake one"...

***********************************


















(17 Syllables)

stag dos - and stag don'ts...

*******************************

paedophilia,
to a deer, is nothing more
than fawnication...

*******************************








"Is a fawn a little deer?" - "Depends how much you want to pay"...









('Wham bam(bi), thank you, ma'am': 17 Syllables)

when every day's a "when?"sday...

****************************

our priest's become so
scatty, he doesn't even
know what deities...

****************************


















(17 Rather Syllables)

from the richest of foods to untold riches...

******************************************************************

If a calorie contains 4.18400 joules, and one carrot
contains 41 calories, then how many carats are there in
the family joules?

******************************************************************


















No jewels in our family. Just the one little gem - which we're having for tea...

you know it's highly strung, grandad...

****************************************

Grandad just made a
parachute jump! (He sneaked up
on it and yelled "boo!")

****************************************




(A reliable parachute will always let you down. Gently.)




(17 Very Sillybles)

property ladder blues: just a coffee for me...

*************************************

always remember,
son: today's flat white could be
tomorrow's house red...

*************************************








(a coffee today, a semi and a Semillon tomorrow - a man can dream)









('The high Costa living': 17 Syllables)

(no) sex in the city...

********************************************

"My girlfriend comes from
West London" - "Feltham?" - "No, she
won't bloody let me!"...

********************************************


















('Go to town? No chance': 17 Syllables)

a kitchen with a witchin (sorry, gran)

***************************************

Look who's eating bread
and dripping! "Gran, couldn't you
have found a towel first?"...

***************************************








- forget 'aprés-ski', think 'aprés-shower': it's the stuff of wet dreams nightmares...









('Dripping': the middle-age old-age spread of choice: 17 Syllables)