tip him too much and he'll fall over (himself to help you)

*************************************

the waiter came and
took our out of order: "chips,
peas, fish and twice, please"...

*************************************














(17 Syllables)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Will voting to leave the EU make trading punches with them more expensive?...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**********************************************************

Poor old Miss Moneypenny. Forever investing
in Bonds that don't pay her quite enough interest.
She should check out the money pages...

**********************************************************











(Vincent Hefter, Mail on Sunday, May 29)

(I love eu)phemisms...

********************************

My girlfriend says I'm
hahahandsome. I think she
means I look funny...

********************************













(17 Syllables)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Boris resorts to Hitler comparisons to back up his argument on behalf of Brexit.
And Wrecks it...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a shot glass, you say?...

*******************************

Waterford Crystal
that's been hit by a pistol -
is that a shot glass?...

*******************************














('The shot - the bulletin - the bullet out': 17 Syllables)
----------------------------------------------------------
After his skiing accident, dad went downhill fast.
Broke the course record, in fact...
----------------------------------------------------------

**************************************************************

With Paul Gambaccini (67) taking over from Tony
Blackburn (73), shouldn't the iconic radio programme
now be called 'Pick of the grandPops'?...

**************************************************************










(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, May 26)

I rang, you rang, the boomerang...

****************************************

"I'll get back to you,"
threatened the boomerang. - I
dropped the phone and ducked ...

****************************************








- bugger, that was quick!...









('I thought only ventriloquists threw their voices': 17 Pretty Sillybles)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Can 'Mrs M&S' save Marks & Spencer? (News item). Maybe so.
If not, 'Mrs S&M' could always organise a whip-round...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

flimsy whimsy...

*****************************

my grandma used to
own a paper shop - till it
blew away one day...

*****************************







(So dad's now gone and bought 'er 
    a shop of bricks and mortar...)








('Far from stationery stationary': 17 Rather Sillybles)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If the Royal Mail needs just one person to deliver a letter, how many people are needed
to deliver a royal male? A team of 23, apparently, when it came to Price George...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

what were you thinking? (well, nothing, to be honest)

**********************************

cerebral streakers
delight in running round with
nothing on their mind...

**********************************













(17 Syllables)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Looking at their Vogue party photos, when it comes to Cheryl, Lara,
Demi and Kim, 'fashionista' is clearly an incorrect form of a dress...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

we were bound to change our minds...

*********************************

My girlfriend and I
weren't into bondage at all -
till we got roped in...

*********************************












(17 Syllables)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Adele's just been signed for £90m by Sony. Talk about being signed
for a song. Or two...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Leonardo Dicaprio? Far and away the best celeb to pick up an environmental
campaigning award in New York. However far, he'll find a way...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles...

********************************

a Mutant Turtle
clinic's the best place for a
ninja'd animal...

********************************













(17 Syllables)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In swimming, some people will go to any lengths to win Gold. Why? One
is clearly enough, as Adam Peaty has just proved (50m breaststroke Gold)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So Manchester United paid Mourinho £4m to do nothing? I believe the
X Factor judges are on a similar deal...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm surprised Manchester United only paid Mourinho £4m for doing nothing.
They paid van Gaal far more to do the same...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

he should give himself a group hug...

***********************************

my dad's a one-man
band: a drummer who likes to
blow his own trumpet...

***********************************















(A father figure to many (as in 'the farther the better'): 17 Syllables)

more carats, anyone?...

**************************************

If we are what we
eat, then why aren't I rich? All
the food I eat is!...

**************************************















('Rich food': 17 Syllables)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A government backed report suggests the growth of superbugs could lead to someone
dying every 3 seconds by 2050. Who the hell wants to die every 3 seconds?...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

3 short (waist)lines...

*******************************

I'll say this about
dietitians: they hate to
see food going to waist...

*******************************
















(17 Syllables)

*********************************************

"Whilst a firm friend is good company,
a firm is just a company"...

*********************************************











(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, May 17)

A farewell to Fatou, big sis Fartou Fatou - and the indomitable Isatoubab...

*****************************

On Wednesday I leave
The Gambia. Time to go
back to The England...

*****************************
















(17 Jolly Sillybles)

Mr Vincent Hefter (and Guest)

**********************************

In an ideal world, marriage
should turn a wonderful life
into a (plus one)derful life...

**********************************











"marriage: turning a
wonderful life into a
(plus one)derful life"
------(Vincent Hefter)------

(17  Syllables)

Confucius, he say...

**************************************

"Kung-Fu fighter, he
good. Dung-Fu fighter, he much
better - fight dirty"...

**************************************








(guess who's still in Hong Kong)









(Originally May, 2011: 17 Syllables. See May 14/15, Facebook)

lumberjacks aren't axed any more - they're chainsawed...

*************************************

I'm useless when it
comes to chopping wood. I just
can't seem to hack it...

*************************************
















('Slumberjacks do it in their sleep': 17 Syllables)

having the drive to succeed...

*******************************

Driving tests: not so
much a hobby, more of a
pass time. Hopefully,

*******************************

(17 Syllables)

merely a suggestion (on this, Bob Marley Day)

******************************

May 11: Bob
Marley Day. Feb 3: public
Buddy Holly day?...

******************************







- how better for Buddy Holly fans to celebrate February 3 than by having it off?...








(Seventeen rather sillybles)

Private - Do Not Enter(tainment)

******************************************

Nothing beats a good
night out. So that's what we're both
going to do. Nothing!...

******************************************








...as I say, it sure as hell beats a good night out!...





 



(17 Syllables)

I haven't an invisible inkling what you're on about (or what you're on!)

**********************************

reading between the
lines, this must be one of my
best-ever couplets...

**********************************















('Blank verse':17 Syllables)

two beats in a bar (deadbeats, by the sound of it)

*********************************

"My dad's a quick-step
dad-dancer." - "I didn't know
you had a step-dad"...

*********************************









(if dad-dancing's bad dancing, is step-dad dancing bad step dancing?)









('When the room for improvement's a (ball)room': 17 Syllables)

**************************************************************

When it comes to cash flow, a very strong current
account is probably as good as an offshore account...

**************************************************************












(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, May 3)

Fantasy Football...

**************************************

"20,000 Leagues
Under the Sea? - WE COULD WIN
THEM ALL!" boast Leicester...

**************************************







- forget 'Jules Rimet', think 'Jules Verne'...







They've gone and done it,
good old Leicester! (All the rest
were second beicester)
(17 Syllables)

'Sexism in British Cycling' furore...

****************************************

Here's a suggestion -
why not make Shane Sutton 'Head
of Menstrual Cycling'?..

****************************************








- let the punishment fit the (perceived) crime...









(17 Syllables)

barking up the wrong tree (or should I say 'shrub'?)

*****************************

"a 'collie flower' you
say? - is that the generic
term for a dog rose?"...

*****************************
















(17 Syllables)