*******************************************************

Could Nick & Holly Candy's neighbours do
with an 'anti-hedge' fund to help finance the
fight against the Candys planting a row of
15 'light-blocking' giant trees? (MoS)...

*******************************************************




(Vincent Hefter, Mail on Sunday, October 8)

very, very crossbenchers...

***********************************

is 'political
inn-fighting' what they call an
MP's drunken brawl?...

***********************************




('The Strangers' Bar': 17 Syllables)

divorce her? - I've got to find her first!...

*********************************************

"My wife's geography!" -
"Don't you mean history?" - "No, she's
bloody lost again!"...

*********************************************




(17 Very Sillybles)

money talks - but meet its spokesman...

************************************

The Bank of England
Governor doesn't just speak -
he coins his phrases...

************************************




('I don't think he writes MY monthly statements!': 17 Syllables)

ouch!: a misogynist speaks out...

****************************************

I love cats. But they're
all pretty much the same, right?
A bit like women...

****************************************




(17 Bad-Ass Syllables)

==============================================================
LISTING FILMS - far less dangerous than listing ships, haha...(see below)
==============================================================

IN-FLIGHT ENTERTAINMENT...

Would the plane be showing...

Carry On Sergeant?
Carry On Nurse?
Carry On Teacher?
Carry On Constable?
Carry On Regardless?
Carry On Cruising?
Carry On Cabby?
Carry On Jack?
Carry On Cleo?
Carry On Spying?
Carry On Cowboy?
Carry On Doctor?
Carry On Up The Khyber?
Carry On Camping?
Carry On Up The Jungle?
Carry On Loving?
Carry On Henry?
or Carry On Matron?...
--------------------------------------------
NO! All they'd allow on board was...
--------------------------------------------
Carry On Luggage, hahaha!...

that's "bang!" out of order, dad!...

************************************************

Cheese and crackers! Dad
loves 'em! (He''ll pull the cheese - then
eat all the crackers!)

************************************************



"BNAG!" (that's also bang out of order)



("DAD'S CRACKERS": 17 Sillybles. Sponsored by the Noise Abatement Society)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I bet my friend a fiver that the PM's conference speech would be a
corker. Looks like I'll have to cough up. Pass the lozenges...(6/10/17)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a tall story...

*********************************

my gran's so tall, she
needs a stepladder just to
put her hairnet on...

*********************************




(17 Syllables)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There's so much plastic in the oceans these days, every glass seems
to come with a drop of the hard stuff...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

getting down with the kids (but not getting up again)

************************************

the last time my gran
went clubbing, she ended up
with a slipped disco...🎵

************************************

(17 Syllables)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Is Simon Brodkin as thick as two short pranks?" - No, there've
been a few more than that...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A city centre with 13 branches of the same coffee chain? (Mail).
How can that possibly be Costa-ffective?...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Presumbably, anyone attending all three 'Our Ocean' and climate
change meetings in Malta, New York and Bonn thinks 'going the
extra mile' to help save the planet is not nearly as effective as
going the extra countless thousand miles? (Mail).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why was Charlotte Church's husband wearing a Moroccan carpet?
Was he hoping to get laid, haha?...(Mail)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**********************************************************

They say that bread is the staff of life.
Well, I'm on a diet, so I've just fired the staff...🥖

**********************************************************


bread may be the staff
of life - but I'm on a diet,
so I've fired the staff...🍞



(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, October 4)

************************************

-----------------------------------
"Skipping breakfast
can raise heart risk" (Mail).
-----------------------------------
"Skipping ropes
can help lower it" (Hefter)...
-----------------------------------

************************************
Daily Mail, Chapter 27, Verses 3-6. Oct 3...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
The sign above the sink read 'OUT OF ORDER'. So I
washed the roasting tins before the mugs and glasses...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Government? Boris would probably jog it...Theresa's
more into walking it...so who can we get to actually run it?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

a red instead?...

*********************************************

'Life Happens, Coffee
Helps,' read the sign - "Not as much
as A GLASS OF WINE!"...🍷

*********************************************





(Forget 'coffee beans' - think 'full of beans!': 17 Syllables)

talk about irony (something else Americans don't 'get')

******************************

mass shooting lends yet
more ammunition to the
gun-control lobby...

******************************



(...and yet they're still firing blanks)




(Written on 2/10/17. Las Vegas atrocity: 17 Syllables)

don't worry, luv, you'll be 53 next year...

************************************

Janet, 52,
can't stand being described as
Janet, 52...

************************************





(17 Syllables)
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Another shooting in the States. Even more ammunition
for the anti-gun lobby - yet still they fire blanks...
-------------------------------------------------------------------

"PSSST!"..."NO, I'M NOT!"🍺




------------------------------------------------------------------------
If Carlsberg did short jokes, they'd probably be the best
short jokes in the world. Thing is, I'm a Heineken man...
------------------------------------------------------------------------

probably, son...

*************************************

Dad, if Carlsberg did
haiku, would they be the best
haiku in the world?...🍻

*************************************



(in the interests of balance)
------------------------------------
Heineken haiku
refresh the parts that other
haiku cannot reach...🍺
------------------------------------



(17 Syllables)

sole mates [sic - of the sight of each other?]

*****************************************

My wife judges men
by their shoes. 'What a heel!' she
thought, when she saw me...

*****************************************





(Can a heel live in flats? Just askin' - (it's a shoe thing): 17 Syllables)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A sage (& onion): someone who knows his stuff(ing), haha...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

rye humour from Farmer Giles - or sound advice?...

**************************************

"sow your wild oats, son -
there's nowt wrong with cereal
promiscuity"...

**************************************





(17 Syllables)

*******************************************************

If Trump wants to be an asset to his country,
well he's halfway there. He's an ass.

*******************************************************

"Donald, duck!"...

*********************************

Would shooting Trump be
"assassination"? - No, that's
shooting TWO asses...

*********************************





(17 Syllables). 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I claim "Donald, duck!" as mine! I can trace it back to at least August of last year. Seen it used a lot since.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

nervous rex...

************************************

"Let's go clubbing!" said
Daddysaurus...(all went well
till Mummy saw us)

************************************





('Not so much a club, more a slipped disc'otheque': 17 Syllables)

From 'Prehistoric Man'tovani to Stormzy...

************************************

"Generation gap?
What generation gap?" asked
Daddysaurus Rex...

************************************





(17 Syllables)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you have to ask who the hell Mantovani was, well, I've proved my point...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

notepaper? - or 'the wrong note' paper?...

************************************

"This paper's flat! And
the edges are way too sharp!"
raged the composer...

************************************





(17 Syllables)

******************************************

There's nothing worse than a sage
who doesn't know his onions...

******************************************


Really, Basil?...
------------------------------------
"There's nothing worse than
a sage who doesn't know his
onions, Rosemary"...
------------------------------------



(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, September 28)

he's Luke, he's warm - he's not on form...

*************************************

"you're pretty cool," he
said to her - "you're not so hot
yourself," she replied...

*************************************





(17 Syllables)

Public Service Announcement...

============================
I DO SOLEMNLY
SWEAR THAT I WILL DITCH PLASTIC
STRAWS FROM THIS DAY ON...
============================


17 SYLLABLES 'TO HELP SAVE THE WORLD' - PASS IT ON...

even my husband only asked for the one hand in marriage...

******************************************

I'm filing my nails.
For divorce! - They've become far
too high maintenance...

******************************************





(17 Syllables)

Mastermind: The Life and Times of Me (1947 - ?)

*********************************

I'm an expert in
something! Everybody's an
expert in something...

*********************************





(17 Syllables)

on that note, he closed his Facebook a/c...

******************************************

The bugler laughed. 'The
Last Post,' he wrote. It got twelve
'likes' and nine comments...

******************************************





(17 Syllables)

she's brighter than me, all right...

***********************************

my wife calls me her
dimmer switch: easy to turn
on - but way dimmer!...

***********************************





('The light of my life': 17 Syllables)

October & November, too, come to think of it...

*************************************

Yippee, December!
There's no other month like it!
(Well, Exceptember...)

*************************************





(17 Syllables)