Pause...

*************************

A bit of a break 

now. Incorporating a 

trip to Gambia...

*************************

(17 Syllables)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm tired of Gary Neville - I much prefer forward thinkers.

I believe he was a defender...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

The Pope admits that nuns and priests watch porn. But he

doesn't say if they watch it religiously...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

A LO  -  half a loaf is better than none...

---------------------------------------------------------

JACOB REE - half an OAF is better than none...

---------------------------------------------------------

THAI KWONDO - Thai boxing variation...

-------------------------------------------------

And Garfunkel...

******************************************

A multi-storey

carp ark: where the fish park two

by two. Abstract art...

******************************************

(17 Syllables)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The fact that disgraced ex-PM Boris Johnson is even being 

CONSIDERED as the next leader shows just how despicable the 

Tories have become. We are rapidly becoming a third-world country 

with third-world politicians. I'm off to W.Africa shortly. It won't be 

much of a culture shock...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Madame X-tasy - she makes a bleedin' fortune...

****************************************

S&M? Sure! Who

wouldn't want to be strapped for

cash by the well-heeled?...

****************************************

(17 Syllables)

The curative powers of nature...

***********************************

Keep your friends close, but

your anemones closer -

The power of the flower...

***********************************

(17 Syllables)

I'm on a health kick...

******************************

Why would I want to

buy an air-fryer? I much

prefer my air grilled...

******************************

(17 Syllables)

----------------------------------

"Bring back Boris," 

Says a half-baked Dorries.

(No ifs or buts, 

They're both bloody nuts)

#ChrymesAgainst Humanity

----------------------------------

There's no glossing over it...

****************************************

I hate painting gyms.

The paint starts running. I guess 

it wants to keep fit...

****************************************

(17 Syllables)

But it's a MARQUEE, you plonker!...

***********************************

IN TENTLY - how Paul

Hollywood & Co. watch the

Bake Off contestants...

***********************************

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, October 25, 17 Syllables)

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Tory former public schoolboys don't like being beaten 

by a woman (newspaper headline). I can just hear the 

collective sigh of disappointment from all our country's 

dominatrices... #LizTruss

--------------------------------------------------------------------

The 's' in Ghislaine is silent. I bet Prince Andrew wishes

SHE would be, too... #Maxwell

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Was Chancellor Kwarteng really given his P45 over 45p?

---------------------------------------------------------------------

What's all this fuss about not being able to see your GP?

I saw mine twice last week. Once outside Waitrose, once

on the way out of the local filling station. He didn't

recognise me, mind...

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Lies, damned lies and advertising...

*****************************************

One-minute beauty 

treatments: do they work? Or are

their effects 'minute'?...

*****************************************

(17 Syllables)

----------------------------------------------------------------

Four Chancellors in four months? Is Jeremy Hunt the 

Tories' 'ONE LAST CHANCE'llor'?...

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Are people who are duped by idiots, idiots themselves?

#Trump #TaylorGreene #Walker

-------------------------------------------------------------------

There's some great food at the Quiet Night Inn...

***************************************

"If music be the

food of love, what d'you say to

some Meat Loaf tonight?"...

***************************************

(17 Syllables)

The Oxford English Dick-tionary...

*****************************

MERRYTOCRACY -

a society governed

by the slightly pissed...

*****************************

(17 Syllables)

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The Koh-i-Noor diamond: the jewel in the-i-of the storm.

If Camilla does end up wearing it, there'll be no shortage

of people wanting to crown her...

---------------------------------------------------------------------

If it's not one thing, it's another...

**************************************

Bags For Life? Turns out

they're the ones under my eyes.

Damn all these crises!...

**************************************

(17 Syllables)

----------------------------------------------------------

Yippee, I've bought some worry beads! Now I'm 

worried sick by the fact I might lose them...

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, October 13)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Not sure who's dottier: Damien Hirst, the punters who buy 

his pictures, or the pictures themselves. Not a fan...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE CORRIENATION: Britain, home of the world's longest-running soap.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

************************************

Yes, I'm a people

pleaser, but if you don't like

that, well, I could change... 

************************************

(17 Syllables)

----------------------------------------------------------------

SCENT OFF - "it stinks," said the footballer.

SCENT AWAY FOR - I always buy my perfume online.

SCENT TO COVENTRY - eau de parfum ordered by Lady Godiva.

SHORT SCENTENCE - I like perfume.

SCENT PACKING - I work in a perfume production line.

HEAVEN SCENT - divine aroma.

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, October 14)

-------------------------------------------------------------------

SCENTS OF HUMOUR - is that why some people smell funny?

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Confused? #MeToo

******************************************

How come you're allowed

to touch someone's heart, but not

their arse or their breasts?...

******************************************

(17 Syllables)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So Charles wants to drive a coach and horses through any plans

for a really elaborate Coronation? Why a coach and horses, then?

Wouldn't a car do the job just as well?...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When asked about Harry's recent behaviour, Charles said "I could

crown the lad!" Is the country heading for a double Coronation?..

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

***king Charles III

***********************************

Of course I'm not a

republican, some of my

best friends are monarchs...

***********************************

(17 Syllables)

Auf wiedersehen, pet...

************************************

Do I prefer dogs

or cats? Neither, really - they

both taste like chicken...

************************************

(17 Syllables)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I saw a fly cleaning its wings on a sherbet lemon this morning. 

Lucky bugger. Its very own on sweet bathroom...

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, January 4, 2023)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Marriage is a game of two halves, writes Amanda Platell. Just as a

match made in heaven should last more than 90 minutes, I suggest.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The poo of poo-poo...

******************************************

"A cat's litter tray

in the lounge? No way!" Jane soon

poo-pooed the idea...

******************************************

(17 Syllables)

--------------------------------------------------------------------

If storms have names, why can't showers? We could call

the present one the Conservative Party...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

****************************

Any truth in the

rumour that a racist'll

only tell white lies?...

****************************

(17 Syllables)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man walks into a bar. He has no idea it's a space              bar, so he walks out again...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Am I a dog or a cat person? Neither, really. I tend to go for 

the beef...  #TodaysSpecials

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Liz Truss & Karen Millen combine to wow the party faithful.

A great address. A greater dress. #YouThinkSo?

------------------------------------------------------------------------

But I do like the 'liquor' bit...

****************************

In all matters licorice

I'm just a bit vicarish:

- I avoid it religiously -

****************************

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Kwasi Kwarteng gave his conference speech, perspiration

was seeping from his forehead. Not sure if that's what's meant

by the trickle-down effect...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

That guy who dealt with a Tory Conference protester's lanyard

- what a yanker... #Greenpeace

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

DRAUGHT DODGERS - the opposite of storm chasers...

------------------------------------------------------------------

Lawn 'n' order officers love a grass!

-------------------------------------------

************************************

I know Fulwell who

doesn't like golf: it's the ones

who don't get this pun...

************************************

(17 Syllables)

--------------------------------------------------------------------

The Ship of State is rudderless. I think we could all do

with a raft of new policies. Women and children first!...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you love compromise, but your partner doesn't, why not

meet halfway?... (Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, October 4)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

*******************************

The Queen loved Gary

Barlow, apparently. Take

That, Robbie Williams!...

*******************************

(17 Syllables)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Not fair. There was so much publicity about yesterday's "fastest

marathon dressed as a stationery item" record attempt, yet barely

a word about my "slowest marathon dressed as a stationary item"

attempt. Maybe because it's still ongoing.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shattered dreams...

***************************************

I'll wake her soul by

tender strokes of art, I thought.
"Gotta fag?" she croaks...

***************************************

(17 Syllables)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I thought high street stores' changing rooms had always been

unisex. "One item only," our local one states. Seeing as my

wife and I are an item, we've been going in together for years.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Storm IAN? What sort of name is that? What next? Storm

Tarquin? Storm Sebastian? Not exactly names to strike fear

into your average citizen...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Will Phillip Schofield continue to present The Queueb?...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Probably one of the best Prime Ministers we've had in my 

lifetime, said a voice on the radio about Liz Truss the other 

day. Who knew that 3-day-old babies could talk?...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

***********************************

I'm a bit like God

on the dancefloor: I move in

mysterious ways...

***********************************

(17 Syllables)