Attention to detail...

**************************************

Why are commuters 

who cross the Tees never asked

to dot the eyes, too?...

**************************************

(It's a northern thing: 17 Syllables)

-------------------------------------------------------------------

With UK & EU Superheroes Rishi and von der Woman

behind it, how could the Windsor Agreement not work?

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FRANCE 32 - 21 SCOTLAND...

Sadly, Scotland's motto in their Six Nations match against France was

"if at first you don't succeed,

TRY,

TRY, and

TRY again".

Which only adds up to 21 points, of course. Not enough to win the match,

but no one can deny they played very, very well...

Other meat substitutes are available...

**************************************

If someone saves a

vegan's life, do they save their

bacon...or their quorn?

**************************************

(17 Syllables)

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All Quiet on the Western Front wins 7 Baftas - a 

remarkable achievement by a remarkable film based 

on a Remarqueable book. An E. M. Remarqueable book.

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, February 24)

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A bit of a stretch...

*********************************

Elongated Muuuuuusk -

is he spreading himself too

thin, by any chance?...

*********************************

SpaceX, Tesla, Twitter...

(17 Syllables)

********************************************

eBAY OF PIGS - pork, going cheap

(well, they can't go 'oink' any more)

********************************************

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, February 21)

-----------------------------------------------------

Why do some people still insist on dragging 

Shamima Begum back into Britain? Hasn't 

she suffered enough?...

#strikes #costoflivingcrisis #rationing

-----------------------------------------------------

What on earth?...

************************************

Loam wasn't built in

a day. Compost heaps take a 

while to mature, too...

************************************

(17 Syllables)

Bi-curio"us" - what Sam Smith calls themselves?...

***********************************

Less of a question,

more of a queery: "just what

gender IS Sam Smith?"...

***********************************

(17 Syllables)

***********************************

Do artificial

sweetener daddies still have

to pay sugar tax?...

***********************************

Now she's far more health-conscious, my 

sister's decided to ditch her sugar daddy for 

an artificial sweetener daddy...

(17 Syllables)

From R&B to "Pop!"...

******************************************

How to make a pop

star: prick Sam Smith's Brits outfit

with a pin...and "pop!"

******************************************

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, February 16)

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PHIALING CABINETS - where apothecaries keep their phials...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

The ravages of time...

*********************************

The beneficial effects of a 

60-second

beauty treatment are, 

er, minute...

*********************************

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, February 14)

It's tough at the top...

************************************

I did seventeen

marathons last week. Most of

them in my Bentley...

************************************

(It's a good runner, all right: 17 Syllables)

Ex-President's censor humour...

***********************************

When Trump said he was

fond of pussies, I don't think

he meant Democats...

***********************************

(17 Syllables)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

"If you're a faux political intellectual, you're a political

intellectual foe" - the world according to Nadine Dorries...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

My old Dutch(ess)

*************************************

My love is like a Gouda cheese,

(She's sweet and rather nutty)

I'd love to take a slice of her

And shove it in a butty...

*************************************

Ouch...

***********************************

"Where's the most painful

place to get a tattoo, dad?" -

"Luton, probably"...

***********************************

(17 Syllables)

My chickens - not as daft as they look

******************************

I rang their necks

But there was no reply...

(If they don't pick up,

Then they'll never die)

******************************

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

With regard to yesterday's 'censoring', how soon before Britain

loses it's 'quirky sense of humour' reputation and itself becomes 

the joke? Wokeness gone utterly mad. Pathetic...

(I see now I've since been UNcensored. Hmmm..)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

£28 billion? Bugger me. That's not a bumper profit, it's a 

'bumper-to-bumper' profit! Just HOW LONG must the queues 

have been for BP to have amassed QUITE so much?...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

********************************************************

"At last! I finally managed to join the mile

high club yesterday. On the flight to Dublin"...

"Cunnilingus?"...

"No. Aer Lingus, you dummy"...

********************************************************

Chryme and pun-ishment....

***********************************

Were criminals in

TV's HEARTBEAT placed under

cardiac arrest?...

***********************************

(17 Syllables)

The Last Supper (no, not THAT one)

**************************************

He was hooked on spaghetti,

He ate it all day...

(He'd have some for breakfast,

But he's just pasta way) ♱

*************************************

Spaghetti Junction dangerous? As far as I know, there

may have been a few accidents, but no one's pasta way...

HUMAN WRIGHTS...

Wheelwrights work on wheels.

Wainwrights work on wagons.

Playwrights work on plays.

Cartwrights work on carts.

Plowrights work on ploughs.

Shipwrights work on ships.

--------------------------------

I KNOW MY WRIGHTS!

--------------------------------

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, April 21)

------------------------------------------------------

Who do you vote for if you're not one of these 

"hard-working families" they're always on about? 

Is there a party that caters for lazy bastards like 

me and the Mrs? None, as far as I can tell. 

Gap in the market?... 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just goes to show: have sex with a young (virgin)

Prince and you'll eventually be brought to book.

And not just ANY book, but the UK's fastest-selling 

non-fiction book since records began in 1998...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brassica intolerance...

**************************************

do cannibals who 

can't stand vegetables spit out

the cauliflower ears?...

**************************************

(17 Syllables)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Mind your footing!

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