pasta jokes - they're ten a penne...

********************************************

"MEAT FREE Spaghetti
Bolognese!" (Great! So much meat -
and all of it free!)

********************************************



(17 Syllables)

going down a storm - inside and out...

**************************************

rounds of applause on
the concert hall roof - and the
clapping...of thunder...

**************************************



('Rain, rain go away, come again another day': 17 Syllables)

if it's going for a song, then grab it...

***************************************

a tenner doesn't
go far these days, though Jonas
Kaufmann's doing quite well...

***************************************




('Russell Watson, there's another - that's 20 quid, already!': 17 Syllables)

*****************************************************

There's nothing wrong with being a mug.
At least you can fly off your own handle!...

*****************************************************



(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, January 4)

it goes without saying...

************************************

"Utter silence!" she
pleaded. I tried. But it's hard
to utter silence...

************************************



(17 Syllables)

****************************************************

an illustrator with no paper should draw
on his experience and call it an abstract...

****************************************************




(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, December 27 - though they
left out the 'and call it an abstract' bit. Such is life.)

a fear of commitment...

********************************

My bed sure has some
stories to tell! Trouble is,
they're all short stories...

********************************



(17 Syllables)

roll over (and over), Beethoven...

*********************************

Dung beetles just love
Beethoven's 5th Symphony:
they all think it's sh*t...

*********************************



('If music be the food of love, then play us some more of that sh*t': 17 Syllables)

*****************************************

"Money talks," to coin a phrase...

*****************************************



(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, December 21)

ready...get set...switch on...(any set)

*******************************************

I've watched TV on
and off for years - though it's much
better when it's on...

*******************************************



(17 Syllables)

Sitcom - or stand-up? Hate both...

********************************

I can't stand sitting
down! (Not surprising, as I
can't sit standing up.)

********************************



(17 Syllables)

*************************************************************************

INNhabitant: living above the pub...
INNjury: any pub-related mishap...
INNordinate: "you drank HOW MANY pints, did you say?"...
INNquest: "NOW you're back! What time do you call this?"...
INNsensible: doesn't drink and drive...
INNsincere: "I love you, hic!"...

*************************************************************************


(The INNuendo one unprintable, sadly!)



(Vincent Hefter, Wordy Wise, Daily Mail, December 13)

****************************************

Regional detectives: should the
Government private eyes them?

****************************************



(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, December 12)

nothing ventured, nothing gained...

*******************************

Me? Straight, gay or bi? -
Tri, mate. Whatever it is,
I'll give it a tri...

*******************************




(17 Syllables)

******************************************************

When it comes to cheap supermarket wines,
one thing's for sure: the best sellers aren't
for the best cellars...

******************************************************



(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, November 8)

to hell with the (be)!...

****************************

a woman in a
magnificent dress is a
wonder to (be)hold...

****************************



(17 Syllables)

the proof of the pudding...

************************************

"Yes, the food here's quite
passable. Why, I passed some
only yesterday"...

************************************



('Frank's Cafe': 17 Rather Sillybles)

******************************************************

When one door closes, another one opens...
no wonder my old banger failed its MoT.

******************************************************



(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, November 28)

the hedon1st: putting hedonism first...

*****************************************

if  'wine, women and
song' ain't the answer, who cares
what the question is?...

*****************************************



(17 Sillybles)

the night before...

********************************************

"Look! Three Michelin
Stars!" exclaimed The Wise Men. So
they knew they'd eat well...

********************************************




('It's easier to follow the stars on Facebook these days': 17 Syllables)

impersonating a human...

************************************

can robots be charged
by the police? - yes, if there's
a socket handy...

************************************



('Desperately searching for a lead': 17 Syllables)

human writes...

 ******************************

calligraphy's great! -
you can't really top a well-
written death sentence...

*******************************



('Writing wrongs': 17 Syllables)

if he HAD a brain cell, I'd keep him locked up in it!...

*************************************

blood's not the only
thing that's thicker than water -
so's my stupid cat!...

*************************************




('Soggy', my moggy: 17 Syllables)

a (cash)mere fifty quid...

****************************************

a cashmere jumper
that costs just fifty quid? - that's
petty cashmere, right?...

****************************************



(17 Syllables)

*****************************************************************

Wordy Wise...
-----------------
INNtestate: sorry, I've drunk your inheritance,
INNterval: time taken between pubs during a session,
INNtern: a lock-in,
INNferior: rotten pub,
INNfidelity: I only drink at my local,
INNflame: bar's log fire...

*****************************************************************



(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, November 9...the tail-end (I hope) of a list going back yonks!)

if there's any justice, yes...

*************************************

should all magistrates
stuck on the bench play for at
least some of the match?...

*************************************



(my dad's a magistrate, but I don't think he's much good -
he always seems to be on the bench)



('It's a football thing': 17 Syllables)

************************************************************

It's not just yellow cars that keep their value
more than any other colour (MoS). The same
goes for submarines. My originl vinyl has more
than quadrupled in value, though admittedly it's
a double-A side. Cheers, Ringo...

************************************************************



(Vincent Hefter, Mail on Sunday, October 29)

********************************************

if a mini-skirt suits you down to the
ground, then it's not a mini-skirt...

********************************************



if a mini-skirt
suits you down to the ground, it's
not a mini-skirt...



(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, October 20, 17 Syllables)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A cashmere jumper that costs only £50? (Mail). More of a petty cashmere
jumper, I'd say...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's an ageing actress's age-old complaint: the older they get, the less lines
they're given. And, judging by Catherine Zeta-Jones's photo (Mail), the
lines on their faces are disappearing just as fast!...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mugabe a WHO goodwill ambassador? Trump President of the USA? -
Tell you what, I won't rest easy until Vic Reeves becomes UN Secretary-
General. The world's gone mad - it's official...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------