Striking while the country's hot...

**************************************************

Unions threaten MONTHS

of mayhem! "Which months?" - "Jan, Feb,

March, April, Mayhem?"...

**************************************************

(17 Syllables)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I woke up this morning, my one wish - just for once - 

was to not hear the words WOKE, TRANS, RACIST and 

MULTITUDINOUS. Two hours into the day, and I'm already 

down to my last hope MULTITUDINOUS. But I'm fairly

confident...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Liverpool 3 - 1 Man City: Erling's on Sterling. More of a 

blunder, blunder, blunder buss, if you ask me. Prove me 

wrong, Haaland!...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gemma Owen a national treasure, my arse. Just for exposing

her, er, treasure chest at every opportunity?...

(She's set for her time in the sun, apparently. Not to mention

the star, the mirror, and all the bloody lads' mags, haha...)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

My version of Tony Hawks's 'Round Ireland with a Fridge'...

*************************************

Round Ireland with a

Capon. "With a cape on?" - "It

never stopped raining"...

*************************************

(17 Syllables)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

I write this now as some women hikers have just climbed

Scafell Pike with a sink on their backs. Reminded me of 

Tony Hawks's tome. My walk round Ireland was in 2001.

10 weeks in total - and it did rain a lot. But I loved it...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Me and Mr Jones from No 42 have spent months 

trying to remove Boris Johnson from office. Mission 

largely accomplished...

---------------------------------------------------------------

Adele's rearranged residency...

***********************************

Let's hope Adele's Las

Vegas shows fare better than

her Last Vegas ones...

***********************************

(17 Syllables)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

We're going to hell in a handcart, and we're being driven there 

by the most inadequate bunch of incompetents, buffoons and 

pensioners since....I know not when. Sunak? Truss? Starmer?

Johnson? Dorries? Biden? Trump? - it's a joke, right?...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Would we pay £1,000 to have our pooch lead us up the aisle on

the big day (newspaper item)? NO! Nor should we pay a single 

penny to have the PM lead us up the garden path on ANY day...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gardening can slash the risk of dementia by up to 20%, 

apparently (news item)... 

now where did I plant those 'please don't forget-me-nots'?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Elon's tangled love life...

********************************

Musk's a popular

perfume, so it must be his

behaviour that stinks...

********************************

(17 Syllables)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ALICE IN SUNDERLAND - Oops! Voice-activated satnav goes wrong...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hear about the pacifist fighter pilot who refused to land a punch?...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

R Network Rail's coffers MT?...

***************************************

RMT want more

cash - but maybe Network Rail's

coffers RMT?...

***************************************

(17 Syllables)

Amanda Platell: Rishi is a snake!...

*****************************************

Rishi Sunak a

snake? Who better, then, to chair

those Cobra meetings?...

*****************************************

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, July 27: 17 Syllables)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

ABBATTOIR - where Swedish livestock meet their Waterloo... 

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, July 26)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Enough of party politics, jingoistic flag-waving and newspaper hatchet jobs. Our country - and the rest of the planet - is in a mess, and it's not going to get better any time soon. What we need now is an 'apolitical' Government of National Unity made up of the greatest intellects / academics available - no professional politicians, thank you very much - who are willing and able to do their bit for the cause. Global warming, the likelihood of both further pandemics and ever-greater cost of living crises are very real threats which pose too great a problem for what nowadays tends to be a pretty mediocre bunch of ill-qualified politicians. No disrespect meant to Sunak, Truss or Starmer, but these are names that just don't cut it. Why do we have to limit ourselves to such a small field of potential 'saviours'? I know this won't happen. But I know that it should. Right here. Right now.

(Name & address supplied (me), Daily Mail, July 26)

------------------------------------------------------------------

MPs applaud Boris after PMQs...

***********************************

How appropriate:

a clapped-out PM is clapped

out of the Commons...

***********************************

(17 Syllables)

--------------------------------------------------------------

At only 5' 5", surely Rishi Sunak is best qualified to 

be our next Prime Mini-ster?...

--------------------------------------------------------------

I think my wife's joined Extinction Rebellion - she 

was glued to her phone all day yesterday...

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, September 29)

-------------------------------------------------------------

Singer accused of incest...

****************************************

'These incest claims aunt 

true,' claims Rick Martin. Aunt? I

think he means nephew...

****************************************

(17 Syllables)

----------------------------------

BARBIE-CUE - is Ken invited?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

WINNIE THE POODLE - my dog has some surprising forebears!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

PM presented with rare books by Cabinet...

*******************************

When the cops threw the

book at Boris, was that a 

first edition, too?...

*******************************

(Partygate: 17 Syllables)

************************************

Times New Roman walks

into a bar. "Sorry, we

don't serve your type here"...

************************************

(17 Syllables)

--------------------------------------------------------------------

There's not a lot of love lost between Rishi & Liz, I fear. 

How long before 'blue on blue' becomes 'BLACK & 

BLUE on BLACK & BLUE'? I give it two days...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Tory leadership race: What this country really needs is a Man City

or Liverpool competing for the Premiership, but with the mighty Rishi

Sunak and Liz Truss battling it out what we've ended up with is a couple

of Championship sides competing for the FA Cup. One of them has to

win, of course, but they'll soon return to relative obscurity...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I was young I'd spend hours and hours

pretending I was Ray Charles...

"So you always wanted to be a pianist?"

No, I was practising my 'blind' impressions...

--------------------------------------------------

Mo Farah: a Nursery Chryme...

**********************************

One Man Went To Mo...🎝

and said "excuse me, but is 

your real name Hussein?"... 

**********************************

(Mo reveals his shocking past: 17 Syllables)

-----------------------------------------------------------------

England 2 - 1 Spain: yes, it was close, but thank God 

the Lionesses had just enough tattoos between them 

to defeat the technically-superior Spanish...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

The Open Golf Nursery Rhyme Championships...

***************************************************

This little piggy's putt has come up just a 

little bit short. Is this little piggy going to 

tap it in before I take my shot?

No.

This little piggy's going to mark it.

***************************************************

You're just a little too wet, lad...

*******************************************

Why DID Superdry

axe Brooklyn Beckham, then? - "It's

SUPERDRY. No drips!"...

*******************************************

(17 Syllables)

The life and soul...

***************************************

She made me laugh, she

made me think. She is no more,

she succumbed to drink...

***************************************

(17 Syllables)

----------------------------------------------------------------

NEWS FLASH! Penny Mordaunt to come out as Penny

Morduncle in shocking trans rights development!...

----------------------------------------------------------------

Penny Mordaunt...

***********************************

PM 4 PM?

Why not? And Tugendhat for

the rest of the day!...

***********************************

(17 Syllables)

--------------------------------------------------------------

I'm not surprised Superdry axed Brooklyn Beckham.

It's SUPERDRY. No drips!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

After Brooklyn Beckham gets axed, Brooklyn Beckham

gets hammered. Tools-R-Us immediately sign him up...

#Screwed

------------------------------------------------------------------------

If the Daily Mail had a best-before label, it would probably

say somewhere around 2018. Barely readable these days...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Home sweet home...

**********************************

Infantrymen like

nothing more than to relax

by an "open fire!"...

**********************************

(17 Syllables)

Camaraderie, by any other name...

***************************************

Sharing a selfie?

Not sure if that's friendship - or

camera-derie!...

***************************************

(17 Syllables)

Cleaning up (or 'out'?) the filthy rich...

***********************************

Woe is me! I was 

filthy rich once - but now I'm

married, I'm spotless...

***********************************

(17 Syllables)

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Theresa May ------> Boris Johnson

May to September may have been a charming sitcom,

but May to Johnson has been an unmitigated disaster...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

This water shortage is getting pretty serious - I don't think

my sense of humour has ever been quite so dry...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Love Island: to quote Tina Turner: 'What's Love Got To 

Do With It?'  Not so much 'amor' as 'amoral'...

------------------------------------------------------------------

MY type? Tall, dark and italic...

************************************

What type do YOU go

for? UPPER CASE, lower case

or NuT cAsE? (MY type!)...

************************************

(17 Syllables)

-------------------------------------------------------------

Ants are great tailors. It only takes them a minute 

or two to run up a pair of trousers...

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, May 9, 2024)

---------------------------------------------------------------

The Tesla CEO's proposed £37billion Twitter 

takeover deal is proving to be somewhat Elongated. 

Living up to his name, I guess...

---------------------------------------------------------------

Sounds like a pint of mild, haha...

******************************

Sir Beer Korma? That's

not Edwina Currie's love

child, by any chance?...

******************************

('The Perfect Liquid Lunch': 17 Syllables)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Moves like Jagger? If 'pas de deux' is a dance for two

people, then 'pa de huit' must be Mick!... #FrenchLetters

----------------------------------------------------------------------

I shop like Max Verstappen. Whenever I need something,

'I dive into the first corner' shop. Then back to the telly...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

********************************************************************

The idea of Nadine Dorries running for PM makes about 

as much sense as Stephen Hawking running for a bus...

********************************************************************

Definitions (No 37 of 3,284)

**********************************

MILITARY COO -

a course of action favoured

by both hawks AND doves...

**********************************

(17 Syllables)

--------------------------------------------

BREW HAHA - this tea tastes funny...

------------------------------------------------------------------

PARASHOOTING - coming down to earth with a "bang!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

With so many candidates having tossed their hats into the 

ring already, here's hoping the next Conservative leader's 

a conciliaTory one!...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR. How many letters do you want? Five?

How about LGBTQ? Will that do? (Don't worry, if you want more,

there's an ever-growing list to choose from.) The world's gone

MAD. Oops! Apparently that's MADQIA2S+ these days...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Twitter now realises, protracted negotiations are one thing,

Elon-gated ones quite another... #MuskPullingOut

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

How the f*ck did John Bercow manage to stay in office so long

given his unSpeakable behaviour?...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

****************************************

"JOHNSON IS A LIAR"

A short enough sentence.

If and when perjury is proven.

he can expect a far longer one...

HERE'S HOPING.

****************************************

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Not sure if Djokovic will beat Kyrgios tomorrow, just as I'm not

sure Kyrgios beat his girlfriend last year. Two courts will decide

Kyrgios's fate, I guess: Wimbledon's Centre Court and Canberra's

Magistrate Court... #KyrgiosityKilledTheKat

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nadine Dorries running for No 10 is no big deal. I do the same

most mornings -though in my case it's for No 33. Takes me all 

the way to Twickenham...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

According to my wife, they don't serve fast food at Silverstone. 

Only VERY, VERRRRRRRRRRY fast food, apparently...

"No Sloe Gin, I suppose?"...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wrong key, mate...

****************************************

A bad loser who

sings a winner's praise will make

sure he's out of tune...

****************************************

(17 Syllables)

-------------------------------------------------------------

On yer bike, Boris! (But it's not the f**king Tour de

France, mate - you don't leave office in stages!)

--------------------------------------------------------------

"On Yer Bike, Boris!" - "What are these?" - "Them's

the brakes"... #ThemsTheBreaks

-------------------------------------------------------------

Catgut...

*************************************

Kyrgiosity

killed the cat. Then he used it

to string his rackets...

*************************************

(I wouldn't put anything past the lad)

('Nick's making a racket': 17 Syllables)

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Veni, Vidi, Da Vinci: "I came, I saw, I glued myself to 

The Last Supper," states eco-activist...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Oops! I do believe political journalist Robert Pesto(n)

has just revealed one of his sauces!...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. Boris isn't so

pernickety - he'll lie anywhere. To anyone...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Greased piglet tells porky pies! Who'd have thunk it?

#JohnsonOut

-----------------------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

 "I'm meeting the queen, and I'm a bit nervous"

"I don't see why. At the end of the day, she's only an old lady"

"That's why I'm nervous, I'm meeting her in the morning"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

***********************************************************

I don't care if most of Johnson's Cabinet ARE still 

backing him - as long as it's into a corner...

***********************************************************

Tories strip MP...

******************************************

Drunken MPs like

nothing more than to be stripped -

but not of the whip... 

******************************************

(17 Syllables)

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Why isn't HP red when its key ingredient is love apples?

Is this tomato sorcery?...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Constable's The Hay Wain: not just ANY OIL painting,

a JUST STOP OIL painting... #EcoActivism

----------------------------------------------------------------

Nicholas Kyr(g)ios...

***************************************

While rest of the

world goes nuts, the 'g' remains

stubbornly silent...

***************************************

(17 Syllables)

----------------------------------------------------------------

Will any 'Only Fools And Horses' episodes that don't

feature the late, great Roger Lloyd-Pack's character

be preceded by a No Trigger warning?...

------------------------------------------------------------------

Axing Steve Wright's afternoon show is the equivalent 

of a public library replacing a Shakespearean comedy 

with a (Scott) Mills & Boon. Talk about the BBC not 

reading the room...

------------------------------------------------------------------

91-years-old, and still a dick...

******************************************

With age comes wisdom.

Though no one seems to have told

Bernie Ecclestone...

******************************************

(17 Syllables)

-------------------------------------------------------------------

My dishwasher broke down last week.

Her doctor said it was because I don't show her enough

respect...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

If transgender woman aren't allowed to compete in certain

sports as females, how come Nick Kyrgios can compete in

the Gentlemen's Singles at Winbledon? He's no gentleman.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

*******************************************

Skipping is good for

your health - as long as what you're

skipping's not breakfast!...

*******************************************

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, June 29: 17 Syllables)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Bugger! Thanks to Ofcom, it looks like telly addicts could

soon be watching ad after ad after ad infinitum...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

ETUSISNDE...

*****************************

If Susie Dent is

a lexicographer, what's

a Lexi Thompson?...

*****************************

(17 Syllables)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Power-napper Dominic Raab had to miss out on his usual 

Wednesday 40 winks this week, but he did manage to fit

in just the one. Much to Angela Rayner's dismay... #PMQs

----------------------------------------------------------------------