******************************
I'm a syllable
short of a haiku, and my
pen's run out of...
******************************
(17 Syllables)
Wednesday, January 31, 2024
Tuesday, January 30, 2024
Monday, January 29, 2024
Sunday, January 28, 2024
The tales she could tell...
***********************************
Bertha greets the girl
on the till - and that, today,
was her social life...
***********************************
the stories she could
tell - if only she had some
friends to tell them to...
(17 Syllables)
Saturday, January 27, 2024
If John knew Zealanders like MIKE knew Zealanders...
*******************************
Anti-podean?
No, I don't have anything
against them at all...
*******************************
(17 Syllables
Friday, January 26, 2024
"Come here often, darlin'?"...
***********************************
I'm a terrible
flirt - but it's the ONLY thing
I'm terrible at...
***********************************
(17 Syllables)
Thursday, January 25, 2024
Round the bend...
*********************************
Apples that think they're
oranges? To my mind, they
must be bananas...
*********************************
Poor things - as round the
bend as the most bendy of
bendy bananas...
(17 Syllables)
Wednesday, January 24, 2024
The Land of Nod...
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*********************************************
So vivid the dream,
so...till "DAD!" brings me right back
to earth with a bang..
********************************************
(17 Syllables)
Tuesday, January 23, 2024
Seems some people ARE as daft as they look...
**********************************
I've just made a rod
for my own back, as it, too,
wants to go fishing...
**********************************
(17 Syllables)
Monday, January 22, 2024
They looked at my innards and wrecked 'em...
***********************
I've just endured a
semicolonoscopy;
I got it half price.
***********************
(17 Syllables)
Sunday, January 21, 2024
'Twas the drink that killed him...
**************************************
"We're only here for
the bier," said his drinking pals
at the funeral...
**************************************
(17 Syllables)
Saturday, January 20, 2024
If you want a double entendre, I'll give you one...
****************************
It's hard coping with
erectile dysfunction - I
wish it were harder...
****************************
(17 Syllables)
Friday, January 19, 2024
Nightmare on Elm Street...
**********************************
"Run for your life!" yelled
the cold-water tap. And the
water ran. Then froze...
**********************************
(That's the last time I
watch 'Nightmare on Elm Street' all
alone at midnight)
(17 Syllables)
Thursday, January 18, 2024
She's My Rock - My Jailhouse Rock...
----------------------------------
Me and the Mrs
are so close, we finish each
other's sentences...
----------------------------------
Last year - when she got
eight months - I took her place for
the last two of them!...
---------------------------------
Wednesday, January 17, 2024
Four spuds that have had their chips...
***************************************
one potato, two ♫
potato, three potato,
four - that's lunch sorted... (17 Syllables)
***************************************
Old age? Don't knock it (it might fall over). They used the title
only, and not the verse: It's better to be around ninety than
not to be around at all. They're such incompetents.
(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, Jan 17)
Tuesday, January 16, 2024
Whatever your strength, it'll lick you every time...
*******************************************************************
Who says I can't hold
my licker? I just LOVE to
cuddle my pussy...
*******************************************************************
PIANO TUNA - is this the right quay? (Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, Jan 16)
(17 Syllables)
Monday, January 15, 2024
Sunday, January 14, 2024
******************************
who hasn't once dreamt
of living just left of the
middle of nowhere?...
******************************
If self-acceptance (happiness) involves 5.45am trips to the gym
five days a week, breathing oxygen in a pressurised pod, exposure
to extreme cold and red light therapy, I think I'd rather continue to
wallow in my misery, thank you very much. Self-acceptance is
hugely overrated.
Saturday, January 13, 2024
Table 4...
****************************************
"Can I have the chef's
special, please? And he can have
my fish, if he wants"...
****************************************
(17 Syllables)
Friday, January 12, 2024
Brief encounter...
***********************************************************
Hello, sweet birdie,
if I approach, will you take
fright? Or.....'oops, bye, then'
**********************************************************
(17 Syllables)
Thursday, January 11, 2024
WARNING: the following haiku contains flash photography...
************************************************
I'm a man of my
word, so don't say you weren't warned:
'Flash photography'.
************************************************
(17 Syllables)
Wednesday, January 10, 2024
As my old mate Breathalyzer Doolittle says...
**********************************************
You know the car that
works BEST when drink-driving? An
Aston Martini...
**********************************************
(17 Syllables)
Tuesday, January 9, 2024
"What? ANOTHER one!"
**********************************
Another of mine!
As deep and pointless as an
empty swimming pool...
**********************************
(17 Syllables)
Monday, January 8, 2024
Doh!
*********************************
Poor baker. He thought
he was fit, but he soon ran
out of puff. Pastry.
*********************************
(17 Syllables)
Sunday, January 7, 2024
Enough's enough! (apparently)
***************************************
On the twelfth day of
Christmas, my true love said to
me "put that pen DOWN!"...
***************************************
(17 Syllables)
Saturday, January 6, 2024
poverty...
****************************************
when single teabags
become 'bags for life', you know
you've reached rock bottom...
****************************************
(17 Syllables)
Friday, January 5, 2024
Who she? She my ex...
*****************************
Show me an ex
And I'll show you a why -
He stared at the photo
And started to cry...
*****************************
Thursday, January 4, 2024
Could Foster's do better?...
******************************
If Carlsberg did hai-
ku, it would probably be
a total disast...
******************************
(17 Syllables)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many doubles was that? I thought Luke Littler didn't drink...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday, January 3, 2024
*********************************
watching trees grow is
not for everyone, but then
again, nor is quark...
*********************************
(17 Syllables)
--------------------------------------------------------
"Curiosity killed the cat," Penny the Poodle
informed Tiddles. "Why's that?" asked Tiddles.
Talk about famous last words.
(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, January 3)
--------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday, January 2, 2024
tip-topiary...
******************************
trimming my hedge, the
shape of my large libido
began to emerge...
******************************
(17 Syllables)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
WHINING AND DINING - Donald Trump's favourite activities...
(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, January 2)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday, January 1, 2024
Damn!...
.jpg)
***************************************
I always knew year's
resolutions to give up
on puns wouldn't last!...
***************************************
(17 Syllables)
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