*********************************************

Trump tops 'MOST ADMIRED 

MAN' poll!!! - Hearing this makes me

want to top MYSELF!😠

*********************************************

(17 Syllables)

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Why the long delay in charging MP Margaret Ferrier

for travelling by train in breach of coronavirus rules? 

Leaves on the line - the thin blue line?...

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We shouldn't be mourning Nobby Stiles' passing. We

should be mourning his heading - that's what triggered

his decline...

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yo(l)kels need not apply...

***********************************

ALBUMEN WANTED - 

male Eggheads needed for a 

quiz show. WHITES ONLY...

***********************************

(17 Syllables)

--------------------------------------------------------------

THE ABDOMINAL SNOWMAN - Yeti with a six-pack...

--------------------------------------------------------------

I went to school once. Failed all my exams. Turns 

out once wasn't enough. Hope the same won't apply 

to today's kids...

--------------------------------------------------------------

Prince Harry is said to be involved in 'a string' of

broadcasting projects. A string? Ropey, more like,

judging by what we've heard so far...

--------------------------------------------------------------

Up, two, three...down, two, three...up, two, three...

***************************************

one good thing about

lockdown: it's quite fun keeping

fit in your gym-jams!...

***************************************

(17 Syllables)

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New laws may allow you to marry in a McDonald's,

apparently. But would that only apply to burghers of

the local parish?...

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Never mind Netflix's The Crown, dare I suggest that

future Prime Ministerial broadcasts carry a disclaimer

that 'many statements made during the course of this

programme will invariably turn out not to be true'...

------------------------------------------------------------------

Boris build a better Britain? Does he have any idea

just how much Lego that would take?...

------------------------------------------------------------------

Would you settle for 'difficult'?...

**************************

I'd much rather you

didn't call me fussy. I

prefer 'finicky'...

**************************

(17 Sillybles)

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Can Paul McKenna cure sleepwalking? My wife says I

sleepwalk so much, and so precariously, she wishes she

had a somnambulance on permanent standby!...

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PIANO TUNA - practices on his own scales...🎝

PIANO TUNA - is that the right quai?...🎝

PIANO TUNA - middle sea, you say?...🎝

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Her suit of armour...

******************************

my wife's sly - she thinks

of her hairy body as

hirsute of armour...

******************************

Twice knightly? No chance...

(All armour, no ardour? I'll just 'ave a lager": 17 Syllables)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The way things are going, I fear that a 'gap year' is going

to start meaning the period many of us will have to wait 

between the first and second of our two vaccine doses...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

So what if Joan Collins turned down Bobby Kennedy? I

turned down Brigitte Bardot once - but only because my

wife asked me to. 'And God Created Woman' was on the

telly, and she said she was much too loud...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Choose Choo's shoes...

****************************************

Would some expensive

Jimmy 'Choo-choo train'ers stop

me going off the rails?...

****************************************

(What gauge tracksuit goes best with them?)

(17 Syllables)

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Trump has just beaten Obama to the title of "America's 

Most Admired Man", a survey has revealed. Here's hoping 

"WHAT A LOAD OF F***ING CRAP!" wins the ensuing 

"Most Admired Reaction ToThis Truly Shocking News" title...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

DO NOT ENTERtainment signs everywhere...

**********************************************

- fat chance of living high 

on the Hogmanay this year!...

**********************************************

-------------------------------------------------

Bugger! I always Knew Year's resolutions

to give up on puns wouldn't work!...

-------------------------------------------------------

Harry & Meghan announce their goal to

'build a better world' - one act of compassion

at a time. Wouldn't it be quicker with Lego?..

-------------------------------------------------------

To coincide with Bridgerton taking over our

screens, I've bought a stylish old banger. Not

quite Regency, perhaps, but it's got a very

attractive new bonnet...

-------------------------------------------------------

-----------------------------------

Just because daddy's

got hazel eyes doesn't mean

the rest of him's nuts...

-----------------------------------

(The name's Bert. Filbert... 17 Syllables)

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I'm a vegan, so I'd rather be married to a breadwinner

than someone who brings home the bacon...

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