(Brain) cell-by date: 13/4/24...

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Marmite boosts brainpower:

the thicker you spread it, the

less thick you become!...

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('Middle-age, er, 'spread': 17 Syllables)

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ANTONYM - Cleopatram's lover...

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Dogs are more likely to be southpaws than

we are, apparently (news item). Especially 

the boxers, I imagine...

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Clots are still an issue when it comes to the

AstraZeneca vaccine, it seems. Probably the

same clots who think the earth's flat and Bill

Gates is out to get us...

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Shouldn't Waitrose start selling 'virtual shoe 

polish' to clean Gucci's 'virtual trainers'?...

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(Politics: a game of two halves - and a chaser)

From Downing Street to Downing Pints - yippee,

not long to wait now, Boris!...

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A drop of the hard stuff...

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Fancy having a

liquid lunch this Sunday? Try

'Leg of Lamb'rusco!...

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(17 Syllables)

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CORVID-19 - bird flu variant?...

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BACK OFF THE NET! - "you're online far too

often, kids!"...

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, April 6)

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Dear 'laundry guru' Patric Richardson. If Rose's 

are red and Violet's are blue, can I put them in 

the same wash as Daisy's? I'm not sure if they're 

all late bloomers...

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"I feel like a million bucks," said the doe. 

Well, bugger me - a nympho deer!...

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It's a bit slow. Obviously...

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Dr Who's bright - he's

got a Tardis. Me? I'm dumb.

Mine's a Retardis...

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(17 Rather Sillybles)

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Many politicians leave their mark on society - it

turns out what President Trump left was a stain. I 

was disappointed 'laundry guru' Patric Richardson 

gave us no indication as to how to get rid of it...

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A comedian's only as good as his material...

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I can't stand nylon,

satin or or denim. But wool's

by far the worsted!...

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(as opposed to mohair, which can't be, er, bested?)

(17 Syllables)

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More restrictions than we've had hot dinners!...

Remembering the crucifixion: how appropriate that

so many of us are a little cross ✟ this Easter...

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CLOTHES HOARSE - her outfits were so loud, she

almost completely lost her voice...

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"I wonder why the papers are suggesting people make

shyness their superpower?" wondered Wonder Woman.

"I'll stick to 'wondering', thank you very much"...

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The cops and the 'litterati'...

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No point throwing the book

at litter louts, you know they'll

just leave it lying there...

**************************************

(17 Syllables)

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Justin Bieber on Radio 3? Methinks the BBC's sense of

direction's gone Kanye West! (Or do I mean Fleur East?)

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Elizabeth Hurley says street food is not exactly, ahem, 

'up her street'. Definitely more of a mews-bouche type!

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Turning gardens into wild meadows: how do MY poor 

old dogs react when I never cut the grass? They look 

for-lawn. (But hey, a few  doggie chews soon cheers 

'em up!)

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"Hi!" - "Yes, I think I probably was"...

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Unforgettable 

nights are probably the ones

you can't remember!...

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(17 Syllables)

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LITTERBOX - the opening in a front door for junk mail...

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, August 2)

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Is that a Pica$$000,000?...

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Abstract art: the more

strangely drawn it is, the more

strangely drawn I am...

**************************************

(17 Syllables)

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What did you think of the recent exhibition of 

abstract expressionism? "Disappointing. Nothing 

but a load of Pollocks"...

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The more I read about the 'Boris & Jennifer' affair,

the Arcuriouser and Arcuriouser it gets...

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Consider the 'Big O' as pudding? Makes giving my

wife her just deserts sound like a punishment!...

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If Boris & Jennifer Arcuri regarded Macbeth as

foreplay, thank God she didn't end up up the Macduff!

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