[Sic] [as a parrot]

********************************

Is this the Tory

Party's new motto: 'clarpe

diem'. 'Sleaze the day'?...

********************************

(17 Syllables)

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The price of timber's ourageous! My carpenter wants 

to make a stand, but he can't afford the hardwood...

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Duke of Torque's £220,000 Bentley (newspaper

headline). £220,000??? Who said "torque is cheap"!

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Geraniums aren't posh, apparently (news item). I 

admit it, I'm a garden snob. I'd be quite happy to 

name our soon-to-be-born daughter Rose, Violet 

or Lily. But Geranium? Never!...

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Happiness is: spending a penny in the penny 

arcade - and getting 2p back!...

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Grief in the time of Covid...

*********************************

Touching tributes are

no substitute for touching

hands. Damn you, Covid...

*********************************

(17 Syllables)

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If there ARE 20,000 leagues under the sea, they'd ALL be better

than this proposed 'European Super' one!...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

José Mourinho gets the sack and £16m. It had better be a big sack!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tottenham Not-So-Hotspur: my hopes for the new boss at

Tottenham? That he gets 'em to where José's never gotten 'em!...

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I spent all my money on holiday in the casino. All but a penny,

which I spent in the sea...

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THE JENNERATION GAP - older people just don't 'get' Kylie...

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, April 20)

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********************************

PUNDEMIC - not so

infectious wordplay virus.

Few die of laughter...

********************************

(17 Syllables)

---------------------------------------------------------

Everyone's talking about Prince Philip's passing,

but hardly a mention of Thiago Silva's. 95.4%

completion rate. Best in the Premier League.

Shooting's not bad, either. Too soon?...

-------------------------------------------------------------

LITTER BOX - slot in front door for junk mail...

-------------------------------------------------------------

Who on earth would buy a unique £92 jar of fresh 

air? (news item). Me, that's who! I reckon it would 

make an amusing family fresh airloom...

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17 Syllables of Wisdom...

*******************************************

"Do right, and people

will like you. Don't write, and your

mother will kill you"...

*******************************************

(17 Syllables)

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Foul! (And that's just the language!)

--------------------------------------------

"You're a f***ing joke, ref!"..."Shut the f*** up, 

f***ing kn**head!" Given the current lack of spectators,

dare I suggest footballers, like children, should be seen

and not heard?...

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Dear Agony Aunt. I, too, fell out with my late dad once.

Mind you, it was from 12,000ft, and we were attached 

to the same parachute. (We made it up later, mind - 

just as I've made this up now, haha...) Nurse!...

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do you have anything a tad more medium?...

**************************

Bugger! Why the hell

can't I ever find any

XXM sweatshirts?

**************************

(17 Syllables)

---------------------------------------------------------------

What sort of a sh*t-stirrer is Jeremy Vine? Being

offended by the fact that all 30 mourners at Prince

Philip's funeral will be white is about as nonsensical

as being offended by the fact that all 30 of their 

outfits will be black. Give it a rest, for f***'s sake...

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From being born on a table in Corfu in 1921 to

being borne on a Land Rover in Windsor in 2021 -

an extraordinary life, from cradle to grave...

---------------------------------------------------------------

She loved double entendres - so I often gave her one ...

*********************************

I liked to spread Joy

wherever I went - and she

simply adored it!...

*********************************

('Spread 'em!': 17 Syllables)

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"Men? I'd rather have a bowl of Rice Krispies," declared

Barbara Pym. (So cereal philanderers might have stood a

chance, then?)

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'New Paint Sponsors Give Spurs A Coating,' read the newspaper

headline. I'd expect nothing less from a football pun-dit, haha...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

is that lead guitar MADE of lead?...

****************************

Yes, I can carry

a tune - but not a very

heavy metal one...

****************************

(17 Syllables)

-------------------------------------------------------------

I was so bored by the Daily Mail's 'sleep better for

ever' item, I nodded off after the first couple of

paragraphs. Can't recommend it enough!...

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Rachel Riley used nine letters to announce her

pregnancy yesterday. My wife insists I use countless

French ones to ensure she'll never have to announce 

hers!...

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If I were Gareth Southgate, my England back three

would have to be Trent...Alexander...Arnold. In that

order. Yet they aren't even in the squad. Crazy!...

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