it does what it says on the tin...

*********************************************

go on a crash diet
and - quelle surprise! - you'll end up
looking like a wreck...

*********************************************






(17 Syllables)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now he's going vegan, will he call himself Lewis (No Ham)ilton?...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

when 'deadpan humour' becomes 'bedpan humour'...

***********************************

it's a fact of life:
'on the wayout'patients soon
become inpatients...

***********************************





('When life's too serious to take seriously': 17 Syllables)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
An Oxford student too bright for jail? (Mail). Then why not
lock her up in one of her very own brain cells?...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
As a fast bowler, Ben Stokes usually has a bouncer up his
sleeve. Pity there wasn't one outside the Bristol nightclub,
if only to help save him from himself...
------------------------------------------------------------------------

anything but Cancer...

********************************

reading the letter
again, I search for a sign -
please God it's Taurus...

********************************






("On their way out"patients who soon become inpatients': 17 Syllables)
===========================================================
It's National Poetry Day. This year's theme: 'Freedom'. Sponsored by the Trussed Bank.
===========================================================
You couldn't make it up! Well, that's not true, I just did. But it IS National 
Poetry Day, the theme IS 'Freedom' (and this IS my contribution).
(A Trussed Bank is where your money's all tied up, haha...)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

*************************************************************

Surely the right-on department store (Mail)
should change its name to Janet & John Lewis?...

*************************************************************






(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, September 6)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LABOUR: "FOR THE MANY, NOT THE FEW(TURE)," as far as I'm
concerned. Not that the Tories are much better at the moment. What a mess...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

***********************************************

World War 1 - World War 2 (away win)

***********************************************

unless the husband's a vegan, of course...

****************************************

wives as breadwinners?
great! (leave the bacon for your
hubby to bring home!)

****************************************






('Bringing home the bacon': 17 Syllables)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Daily Mail, top of page 13: American footballers won't stand for
National Anthem. Bottom of page 13: British pedants won't stand
for split infinitives. Cultural divide? What cultural divide, haha...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A theist is a tea addict, apparently (Mail). Atheists, too, are
known to drink it religiously (not in the Mail)...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**************************************************************

AGRAPHOBIA: a fear of going near the Taj Mahal...

**************************************************************





(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, September 5)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
James Middleton's embarking on a new business, apparently. He's
calling it 'Wrip Wrap'. I wonder if he needs a salesman? I'd love to
be a Wrip Wrap wrep!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------