************************************************

to the less well off, eco-friendly comes
a poor second to eco-nomical...

************************************************



(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, October 29)

Restorative justice...

***************************************************

Turns out the arsonist and I got on like a
house on fire. Shame it had to be mine...

***************************************************



(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, October 25)

piling on the pounds...

****************************************

If you like your food
rich, garnish with lots of thyme.
For thyme is money!...

****************************************



(17 Syllables, Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, October 24)

I'm outta here!...

**************************************

The time has come to
go-tu Kotu, meet some friends
to say "hello!"-tu...

**************************************



Ciao for niao...



(22/10/19 - 20/01/20: 17 Syllables)
-----------------------------------------------------------
(With doubtless the odd exception) radio silence
will now be maintained for about 90 days...
-----------------------------------------------------------------
'Lust of the Summer Wine' - Love Island for wrinklies.
(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, October 22)
-----------------------------------------------------------------

fruitcake, anyone?...

***********************************

Are vegans mad? No.
Nuts, crackers and bananas?
Well, if the cap fits...

***********************************



('Only joking, OK?: 17 Syllables)
-------------------------------------------------------------
Booze cruises: alcoholidays, by any other name...
-------------------------------------------------------------

I used to be me...

******************************

is it not better
to be a has-been than to
be a never-was?...

******************************



(17 Not-So-Sillybles)
--------------------------------------------------
Mortgaged until you die? (news item) -
Shouldn't these be called morgue-ages?...
--------------------------------------------------

A public health announcement...

************************************

JAB a wocky and
fight the flu! - Jabberwocky,
and your CHILDREN, too!...

************************************



(With apologies to Flewis Carroll)



('Flu jabs': 17 Syllables)
------------------------------------------------------------
How (I imagine) certain women chefs might have
greeted an ungallant and rather sexist Heston
Blumenthal (with apologies to Shakespeare): "We
come not to bury Heston, but to braise him -
overnight in a slow cooker"...
------------------------------------------------------------
(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, October 16)
------------------------------------------------------------

*************************************************************

I'm a regular organ donor - not a week goes by
without me giving someone a piece of my mind...

*************************************************************
-------------------------------------------------
THE QUIET NIGHT INN: not a place to
seek out if it's excitement you're after...
-------------------------------------------------

"Crater love hath no man than this...

************************************************************

Boris Johnson allegedly told Jennifer Arcuri
she was 'the Everest every man wanted to climb'.
(If she'd turned him down, would he have
tried to mount Etna instead, haha...)

************************************************************
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cinemas publishing misleading start times means having to
watch ads infinitum. (Well, 30 minutes' worth, at least, haha)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

onomatopoeiaring through the window...

*************************************

Snap, crackle and..."pop,
is that you?" - It's my dad, the
cereal killer...

*************************************



(17 Syllables)
---------------------------------------------------------------------
"I'm draining the swamp," claims Trump. STOP PRESS!
Uncultivated land being drained by uncultivated man!...
---------------------------------------------------------------------
'She looks good,' I thought. "Fancy a date and walnut
cake?" I asked. She agreed to the date, but declined the
walnut cake. But hey, one out of two - that's pretty
good, right?...
---------------------------------------------------------------------

a narrow escape?...

*******************************************

Three cheers for satnavs!
Where would we be without them?
"Scunthorpe, probably"...

*******************************************



(17 Rather Sillybles)
-----------------------------------------------------
The demise of Thomas Cook: (a lack of)
Foresight Saga? Who didn't see it coming?...
-----------------------------------------------------
If you're already feeling a bit funny, is
laughter really the best medicine?...
(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, October 15)
----------------------------------------------------

******************************************************************

Lbs, shillings and pence: Tom Watson, Deputy Leader
of the Labour Party, loses 98 pounds, makes 19,325 -
writing about weight-loss sure is lucrative! (But does
the UK need yet ANOTHER lightweight poilitician?)...

******************************************************************

Half a loaf is better than none - so use it!...

*************************************

Anybody with
half a brain...more than likely
feels a bit short-changed!

*************************************



(17 Syllables)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Anyone with half a brain agrees Trump's doing a great job!"
says dad. "And anyone with a whole one doesn't," adds mum.
Marriage! It's a bit like War and Peace in our house...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Isn't it about time someone locked Trump up? In either of his
two brain cells, I'm not bothered which...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cereal liars (like Boris?) should be made to eat their words -
for breakfast, preferably...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

no strings - well, just the four...

*****************************

mum seeks musician
to play second fiddle to
her darling children...

*****************************



(17 Syllables)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Fast food and sloe gin: all you need for a great night in!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
'Eating meat can help save the planet,' writes Tom Parker
Bowles. Wow! I never realised there was quite so much at
steak!... (Vincent Hefter, Mail on Sunday, October 6)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
So The Hilton Bankside has a vegan suite? - I bet the
Hilton Topside hasn't, haha...(news item today)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
NEWSKNIGHT - Sir Trevor McDonald, OBE... (Vincent
Hefter, Daily Mail, October 8)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Symphony No 20, Opus 20...

*******************************

to write just one good
symphony, do composers
have to write a score?...

*******************************



(A composer of some note: ♫. Yeah, that's the one! 17 Syllables)
-----------------------------------------------------
Reading about Dina Asher-Smith, it's pretty
clear that grit and determination run in her
family - very, very fast!...
-----------------------------------------------------

the breadwinner...

***********************************

Dad struggles to put
food on the table. Not great
when you're a waiter...

***********************************



is that your career in the soup, dad?...



(17 Syllables)
------------------------------------------------------------
To paraphrase John Hockney, it seems that when
his brother David's life draws to an end, it'll be
David himself who's holding the pencil...
------------------------------------------------------------
Not having sex needn't be a hindrance to a happy
marriage. Next week we're celibating our 30th
wedding anniversary!...
(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, October 7)
------------------------------------------------------------

if you can't put it off, put it on, Tom...

************************************

"If it's not on, then
it's just not on" says the wife.
Damned prophylactics!...

************************************



(17 Syllables)
-----------------------------------------------------
Online dating: single arsonist seeks perfect
match. Well, any match, to be honest...
-----------------------------------------------------
Charlotte Edwardes's Boris accusation:...
--------------------------------------------------------
Petronella Wyatt now tells of being groped by
two politicians 'as thick as mashed potatoes'.
Not CHARLOTTE potatoes, surely? Or King
EDWARD(E)S? It's a small world, Boris...
--------------------------------------------------------

PM's LBC interview with Nick Ferrari...

**************************************************************

"Can you believe Boris Johnson had never heard of
Naga Munchetty?" a woman asked her companion
on the bus. "Boris who?" came the reply...

**************************************************************
(PM has car-crash interview with Ferrari. 
Well, it was never going to be a Lada, was it?...)

well-bred and buttered...

***************************************

of course you can toast
baguettes - as long as you toast
the bride and groom first...

***************************************



(17 Syllables)
------------------------------------------------------
If music be the food of love, let's hear it for
jazz-bands, brass-bands and hus-bands!.....
(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, October 1)
------------------------------------------------------
'Living by the sea can cut depression' (page
20). 'Thousands told to evacuate homes as
waves lash coast' (page 21). And I thought
Brexit was confusing!...
(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, October 3)
------------------------------------------------------

"J'accuse...!"

***********************************************************

Has 'thigh-squeezing' Boris "I am The Hulk"
Johnson now become Boris "I amnesia" Johnson?
("Honestly, can't remember a thing, guv"...)

***********************************************************

Was the '130,000 killed' ANTI-TORY BANNER
inciting violence a direct response to a certain
BRUCE BANNER inciting violence? (aka The
Incredible Hulk, aka Boris Johnson)

***********************************************************

a bit of a blow...

***************************************

dad blew all he had
on wind farms, but they blew it
all straight back at him...

***************************************



('When the gales weren't of laughter...': 17 Syllables)
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Those eco-activists glueing themselves to main roads in
Kent give a whole new meaning to that oft-repeated
call home: "I'm stuck on the A2, love". (Vincent Hefter,
Mail on Sunday, September 29 (aka Christina Schaffer)
(another Mail on Sunday double! See Oct 1 blog entry)
--------------------------------------------------------------------

***************************************************************

Model Naomi Campbell is pictured in all the papers
in a designer 'bullet-hole' dress. I can't help but
wonder whether it's made of shot silk, haha...

***************************************************************
Women spend 71 days a year glued to their phone,
apparently (news item). Men? They also get stuck
- stuck for things to say, usually, haha...

***************************************************************

nominative determinism, my arse...

*****************************************

"forgive my lack of
passion," sighed the passion fruit
to the ugli fruit...

*****************************************



(Sad, but true: few passion fruit have lived up 
to their name when left alone with ugli fruit...)



(17 Syllables)
------------------------------------------------------------
"Why would you want to play second fiddle when
you've been leader, first violinist and concert-
meister? It hurts intensely," says John Humphrys.
Wow! Sounds like he's been orcastrated!...
------------------------------------------------------------
Police watchdog to probe Boris? Don't tell Dilyn!
------------------------------------------------------------

Scottish Parliament building...

*****************************

a monumental
error: I saw an eyesore
and an eyesore me...

*****************************



('Some monument, some error!': 17 Not-So-Sillybles)
------------------------------------------------------
I very much enjoyed your photo of a twisted
postbox in Yorkshire. When will I be able to
see one tied up in Notts?...(Daily Mail)
(Alex Chinneck public artworks project)
------------------------------------------------------

fruit-based romances...

*********************************

when the apple of
your eye calls you her ugli
fruit, you know it's love...

*********************************



(17 Syllables)
---------------------------------------------------------------
Who says Joan Bakewell is 'the thinking man's
crumpet'? She's a Bakewell, right? Doesn't that
make her 'the thinking man's tart'?...
----------------------------------------------------------------
78% of Gallup pole-dancers are now embarrassed
to be associated with a certain Prime Minister. No
names, no pack-drill...
---------------------------------------------------------------
No quid pro quo in Trump's phone call to Ukraine?
Withholding almost $400million in military aid prior
to the phone call makes that about 320million quid
pro quo, at the current rate of exchange...
---------------------------------------------------------------

a vegan's bananas...

***************************************

"You were on a low-
carb diet at 12?" - "Yes, and sick
of it by half-past"...

***************************************



('Nuts like seeds': 17 Syllables)
------------------------------------------------------------
My wife and I like to share driving duties: I drive
her to the shops from Monday to Friday, she
drives me up the wall at the weekend...
------------------------------------------------------------
Couldn't the almost £50million damage to
household fittings and furniture caused by pet
rabbits every year (news item) be covered by a
special rabbit warren-ty, haha?...(Vincent Hefter,
Mail on Sunday, September 29)
------------------------------------------------------------