I see you, saw you...

******************************

Lumberjacks don't have

to be that attractive for 

trees to fall for them...

******************************

('See-saw: see the tree, saw the tree': 17 Syllables)

---------------------------------------------------------------

A small glass of wine a night increases heart risk

by 17%? OK, I'd better stick to large ones...

---------------------------------------------------------------

Being a party to a disappointingly slow vaccine 

rollout, there's not a lot of jab satisfaction for Matt 

Hancock right now...

---------------------------------------------------------------

Marine v Tottenham? They may not have been

playing in the semis exactly, but certainly on a pitch 

right behind a few of them..

---------------------------------------------------------------

Post Brexit knicker elastic to be sold in yards? 

(Letters). Best place to sell it, I reckon!...

---------------------------------------------------------------

Food's not up to much, though...

**********************************

Great news! 'The Quiet

Night Inn' has a 2 for 1 

on homebrew tonight!...

********************************** 

(17 Syllables)

-------------------------------------------------------------

At least there's no waiting in doctors' surgeries 

these days, being scared to death by a ca-cough-

cough-cophony of flu sufferers. Every cloud, etc...

--------------------------------------------------------------

No-one's heard a Little Bo Peep out of him since

October - seems Jack Ma really is the Alibaba 

black sheep of the Chinese e-commerce 

community right now..

--------------------------------------------------------------

A GOOD TIM - no end of a good time...

--------------------------------------------------------------

We mourn his passing - but not his heading...

**********************************

When a two-footed

footballer kicks the bucket,

which foot should he use?...

**********************************

(17 Syllables)

---------------------------------------------------------------

My gran asked me the other day what Facebook 

and Twitter were. "A pair of suspenders," I replied. 

Well, they do seem to have gone on a bit of a 

suspending spree recently. Just ask Trump and Co...

---------------------------------------------------------------

Talking of vaccines, can we start calling the 82-

year-old John Prescott 'Two Jabs' Prescott yet?...

---------------------------------------------------------------

Play me a few bars - CHOCOLATE bars, if poss...

*********************************

Nutcracker Suite Tooth -

what the Sugar Plum Fairy

is said to have had?...

*********************************

(17 Syllables)

--------------------------------------------------------------

The Queen announcing her vaccination was

nothing less than a call to arms. Her subjects'

arms. "Bring along your owners, so you can get 

jabbed, too!"... 

--------------------------------------------------------------

The cod philosopher: when life slaps you in the

face with a wet kipper, dab your eyes, don't 

flounder, and everything will turn out 'brill!' 

Never forget there are plenty more fish in the sea 

- the perfect plaice to find a new sole mate!...

--------------------------------------------------------------

If old-timers Stan Bowles & Don Shanks can be 

described as 'as thick as thieves' (news item), can 

present-day footballers who persistently breach 

coronavirus regulations be described as 'as thick 

as two planks'? (Er, that'll be a 'yes')

-------------------------------------------------------------

Boris Johnson a serial miscreant? (News item).

More of a cereal one, I would have thought - such

is his history of sowing his wild oats...

-------------------------------------------------------------

President Trump -------> EXIT

*********************************************************

If nothing else, President Trump has ably

demonstrated the difference between leaving

a mark on society and leaving a stain...

(Quite a long sentence, that - but not as long 

as the one he himself might have to serve 

once he's left office)

*********************************************************

Vaccine, 5ml...

***********************************************

"I'm in a vial mood" - 

"Don't you mean 'vile'?" - "Nope, I'm off

to the Jabcentre"...

***********************************************

(17 Syllables)

-----------------------------------------------------------

Is it still OK to sow your wild oats if you suspect

they've been genetically modified?...

-----------------------------------------------------------

Thank God for the scientists!...

***********************************

The diff'rence between

'the end is nigh' and 'the end

is in sight'? Vaccines!...

***********************************

(17 Syllables)

-----------------------------------------------------

'Dry January' too tough for you? Try 'Drei

January': no more than three glasses a day 

of a decent German white! Works for me...

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, January 11)

-----------------------------------------------------

Some people think Covid is nothing to be 

afraid of, some people think it's the end of 

the world. Me? I think the end of the world 

IS nothing to be afraid of. I win!...

---------------------------------------------------------

'What do your candles say about you?' asks

the newspaper article. The fact I don't have 

any probably means they get on my...er, wick?

---------------------------------------------------------