A sauce of protein...

*******************************

What goes best with a

delicious plate of tasty

snails? "Garden pesto?"...

*******************************

(17 Syllables)

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Arcuri-osity killed the cat. But Boris seems to have 

survived. Till now, at least...

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I suggest Boris stands behind a 'HANNIBAL LECTERN'

inscription at future press conferences if he really wants

to scare us into submission...

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Having heard the cops are closing in on them, those

international Lego thieves must be bricking it - in every

available colour!...

---------------------------------------------------------------------

MAXWELL HOUSE - B&B?...or S&M?

---------------------------------------------------------------------

LOréal have got a lot to answer for: "why in God's

name did you call your actress daughter 'Tuppence'?"

I asked Mr & Mrs Middleton. "Because she's worth it,"

they replied. "Not a penny more, not a penny less,"

they added, rather cruelly...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Water? Eau no!...

*******************************

Is Farage drinking

H2O? - that's not the man

we've got Got2Know!...

*******************************

(17 Syllables)

--------------------------------------------------------------

A man with designs on his body - and women!...

What is it with comedian Pete Davidson? No sooner

is a woman linked to him, than she's inked to him, 

too. Tattoo madness!...

--------------------------------------------------------------

'Smart' doorbells have their knockers, it seems. 

Perhaps the homeowners would be better off if 

their doors did, too...

--------------------------------------------------------------

No need to get dolled up, luv...

**************************************

A BARBIECUE? Is

that what Ken like to throw on

his girlfriend's birthday?...

**************************************

(17 Rather Sillybles)

----------------------------------------------------------------

"We had sex on the sofa," says Jennifer. And there 

you have it: Boris may or may not be bi-curious, 

but this is proof yet again that he was most certainly 

Arcuri-ous...

----------------------------------------------------------------

During lockdown, I found myself running up local

hills to keep fit. Silly me, I badly twisted an ankle.

I should have taken a leaf out of Tom Daley's book 

and stuck to running up Gucci-style mini dresses!

Maybe I wouldn't be feeling quite so, er, crochety.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Haughty culture...

----------------------

Seems #MeToo is turning many an English rose into 

a shrinking violet these days. And as for making any 

sort of a joke about 'deflowering' them, heaven 

forbid! Probably can't even call myself a pansy these

days. Makes you feel like a right Titchmarsh...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Having a ball!...

******************************

I'm having a bawl!

It's my party, so I'll cry

if I want to, right?...

******************************

(17 Syllables)

------------------------------------------------------------

The idea of Sir Ian McKellan, 81, playing Hamlet 

at Windsor is no more crazy than yours truly, 73, 

playing Roger Federer at Wimbledon. Make of 

that what you will...

(Vincent Hefter, Mail on Sunday, March 28)

------------------------------------------------------------

Yippee! Pubs and barbers are re-opening soon! 

I'm with Boris: who doesn't want to see a pint 

and a PM both with a good head on 'em again!

------------------------------------------------------------

77% of us use 'smell test' on food, apparently. Me,

I can always tell if food's gone bad by the smell it

makes as it comes out of the microwave. I call it 

the ping pong...

--------------------------------------------------------------

You know who claims that the AstraZeneca vaccine

causes blood clots? Bloody clots, that's who! Just

sayin'...

--------------------------------------------------------------

 

The black sheep of the family & the piano bar...

************************************************

Can a bar bar black

sheep who can't prove that they've had

a negative test?...

************************************************

('The Piano Bar': 17 Syllables)

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Now the Suez is blocked, it looks like a heck of a lot 

of cargo won't be getting its canal route treatment 

for a while. Painful!...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Some aunts are funny - other aunties aunt...

*******************************************

"Your aunt's a knit wit!" -

"Don't you mean 'nitwit'? - "No, she

has me in stitches!"...

*******************************************

(17 Somewhat Sillybles)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Johnny Depp's appeal bid is rejected (news item). Proof,

yet again, that beauty is only skin-deep - and Amber Heard,

when it came to Johnny, was sadly out of her Deppth...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Plenty of vitamin B12 & selenium, too...

*****************************************

If you ever have

to eat your words, talk tripe. The

zinc'll do you good...

*****************************************

(17 Syllables)

-------------------------------------------------------------

Making jokes about Tom Daley's ability with a

needle is strictly for knit wits. "Count me in!"...

-------------------------------------------------------------

Seems the only staff that lasts any length of time

in Harry & Heghan's household is the staff of life.

And even that gets fired as soon as one of them 

goes on a diet...

-------------------------------------------------------------

Sunseekers: "seek and you shall (be) fined," says

Boris. Bugger, there goes my summer holiday...

-------------------------------------------------------------