GUILTY!

******************************************************

Whilst Ghislaine Maxwell has been found

guilty, Prince Andrew continues to lie low.

******************************************************

------------------------------------------------------------------

Not sure how Posh Spice's fashion empire has accrued 

such losses - seeing as it has provided an incredible 

amount of material over the years..........to satirists!

------------------------------------------------------------------

The 's' in 'Ghislaine' remains silent. Thankfully, 

her victims decided that THEY no longer could.

---------------------------------------------------------

IKEA: if only I could put up their furniture as

fast as they've put up their prices!...

--------------------------------------------------------------

No wonder Worzel Gummidge has been accused

of being littered with innuendos. It was written by

a well-known Crook...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

IN ROSSENDALE WE CALL OUR IDIOTS 'THE COUNCIL' (mugs)

Not sure what's more amusing: the mugs flying off the shelf, 

or the councillors flying off the handle! (Or the handles flying

off the mugs? haha....)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

*********************************

SAXOPHON FOR SALE,

twenty-seven pounds only.

Missing an E. Tel:...

*********************************

(17 Syllables)

--------------------------------------------------------------

What? You use the shuffle button when listening to 

albums? That's out of order!...

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, December 30)

----------------------------------------------------------------

"No Vacc" Djokovic has now withdrawn from the ATP 

Cup. Makes me wonder if Mr Djokovic is somehow 

related to Mr Imbecilic...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Just as batsmen aren't 'batsmen' any more, but 'batters', 

so Australia doesn't just win any more - it batters...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

THE MERCHANT OF VENISON - speciality butcher...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Certain rather ungracious Harry Potter stars should remember 

that the platform they are now using to express their views is

the one created for them by JK Rowling: platform 9¾ !

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

No way should we merely be given the Covid facts and figures

and be told to act sensibly. We elected Boris! How f***ing

sensible was that?...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

My girlfriend couldn't find a Mr Right, she tells me, so she's

making do with a Mr Right Now. Charmed, I'm sure...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Ashes debacle...

*******************************

I don't want Joe Root

to step aside, but I do 

wish Chris Silverwood!...

*******************************

(17 Syllables)

-------------------------------------------------------

"Party with abandon!" says Boris. As yet more

people abandon his Party...

==========================================

Party with abandon or abandon all parties? Can't

help feeling Boris has got it wrong. Again. I guess

we''ll find out soon enough...

------------------------------------------------------------

ENGLAND BATSMEN HIT ROCK BOTTOM!

(They were probably grateful to hit anything)

---------------------------------------------------------------

Talk about the England batsmen getting their ducks

in a row: 54 of them in 2021 - that's a lot of ducks!

---------------------------------------------------------------

All these photos of 'celebrities' in the Maldives. I'm

off to Skeggy next week, if any paps are interested.

---------------------------------------------------------------

FORGET-ME-KNOTS - the half-hitch and the 

figure of eight are the only ones I can remember!...

---------------------------------------------------------------

FARMER GUSTA - Cypriot immigrant now has

a smallholding in Somerset...

-----------------------------------------------------

Boxing Day night: same old, same old...

******************************

7:10: apple

crumble...1:15: England 

crumble. Hate cricket!

******************************

(17 Syllables)

------------------------------------------------------------

After the Ashes debacle, I desperately needed a 

boost. Turns out there were plenty of vaccination 

centres more than happy to oblige...

------------------------------------------------------------

QÜRTIYE - President Erdogan's preferred

version of the qwerty keyboard...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

England crumble: at least when we make a meal of batting in

the Ashes, it's a tasty one. Almost as good as apple or rhubarb!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

What's that? Turkey? Chicken? Duck? (It's not much 

fun when your signature dish turns out to be illegible)

------------------------------------------------------------------

extreme childsplay...

*************************************

is an absurdly

straightforward jigsaw puzzle

a game of two halves?...

*************************************

(17 Syllables)

------------------------------------------------------------------

Will those of us who thought President Erdogan rather

quirky now have to think of him as a bit qürkiye?...

---------------------------------------------------------------------

So the blind are now 'blind people' and the deaf are now

'deaf people'? Really? The blind don't see the point and 

the deaf have never heard such nonsense! Feel free to 

disagree, of course, but please don't call me ignorant - 

I prefer the term 'ignorant person', OK? The world's

gone mad cognitively disabled!...

---------------------------------------------------------------------

TV: when there's too much crap and not enough carp, 

call in Mortimer & Whitehouse. I'm hooked!...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Same old, same old: 7:15 - apple crumble, 1:00am -

England crumble. Who'd be a cricket fan?...

---------------------------------------------------------------

Romy Iris Charlotte Johnson...

******************************

Romy wasn't built

in a day, as they say. It 

took Carrie 9 months!...

******************************

(17 Syllables)

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Thank God the days have started to get lighter. Once 

I've finished off the turkey, chocolates and Christmas 

cake, I hope to get lighter, too!...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

If Charlotte is the apple of Carrie's eye, is

Apple the Charlotte of Gwyneth's?... (Paltrow)

--------------------------------------------------------------------

It wasn't just a white Christmas - the whole bloody year 

was white! Not a day seemed to go by without someone 

complaining about the number of snowflakes around!

--------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm an animal lover - knowing where my loyalties lie is

a direct result of finding out how often my friends do!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Great news! Looks like the four pubs still in existence next

June Bank Holiday will be allowed to stay open till 1am!... 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yuletide felicitations...

  ****************************************         

           WISHING YOU ALL 

              A VERY HAPPY

    3 PLY TYPE IIR CHRISTMASK! 

*****************************************

-----------------------------------------

Happy Christmas to 

you and yours...his and hers...and 

maybe even theirs!...

-----------------------------------------

(17 Syllables)