God's gift to women...

********************************************

Boris Johnson in

Greece? Not quite the same as 'John

Travolta in Grease'...

********************************************

He's more suited to a Carrie On film, I reckon...

(17 Syllables)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

My wife may not be able to sniff out Parkinson's, but she can

smell a rat two weeks before I've even STARTED an affair!...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

The role of 'period dignity officer' should NEVER have been

given to a man. Period.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For Andrew Pierce to say that 'hiring a comedian to crack jokes on

a serious political programme is an insult to the viewer' is in itself

an insult to the viewer. Patronising git. Or is that insulting to gits?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PM & Deputy PM: how very civilised, we're now 

being governed by a Mrs T and Coffey...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

"Racism means I still can't hail a cab," claims Edward

Enninful. Really? Not even a black one, haha?...

------------------------------------------------------------------

Rishi Sunak needn't be ashamed of losing to Liz Truss - 

Kenneth Clarke once lost to Iain Duncan Smith... 

The Conservative Party is basically nuts.

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Boris's farewell speech: don't know what planet you're living

on, Boris, but you're talking out of Uranus... 

Turns out I DO know which planet!...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Boris Johnson...

Admired from Kyiv to Carlisle, my arse. Loathed from

Liverpool to Lossiemouth, more like. Get it right, Liz..

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Let's hear it for Tim Vine...

************************************************

I used to live hand

to mouth. Do you know what changed

my life? Cutlery...

************************************************

(17 Syllables)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This came 8th in Edinburgh Fringe's Funniest Jokes, 2022. Should 

have won. The winning joke, and most of the others, were either 

rubbish or even older than I am.. What's more, Tim's is a humorous 

haiku/senryu - which is probably news to him. You can't beat a 

three-liner one-liner!...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A group of owls is called a parliament. Which probably explains 

why Boris Johnson doesn't give two hoots about what's going on 

in the country...(He was put on earth for one reason, and one 

reason only, to wit: to woo women - or so he imagines)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Calmer Sutra: ideal therapy for Lord Pannick?

-------------------------------------------------------------

THE (LAVA)TORY PARTY - a (busted) flush?

---------------------------------------------------

Tories fire Johnson...

***********************************

Of course Boris was 

a loose cannon - and cannon 

are MEANT to be fired...

***********************************

(17 Syllables)

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A consummate orator, so why do we 'ate 'er? Poor old Meghan.

It's an uphill battle... #OneYoungWorld

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dumped again, son? Fear not, lad - there may not be plenty more

fish in the sea, but there ARE still a few in the s'women pool...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sunday with Laura Kuenssberg: 'no word of a Ly'cett', what a breath

of fresh air Joe was. Sometimes life is too serious to take seriously...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meghan Markle's about to give a speech on gender equality in 

Manchester (Personchester?) today. As far as I'm concerned, 

she'll be preaching to the converted - I'm sure she'll be delighted 

to hear that I despise both her AND Harry equally...

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Oh well, it was worth a try...

*********************************

Écrire un haiku

en Français ne le rend pas

meilleur qu'en Anglais...

*********************************

(17 Syllabes)

--------------------------------------------------

BURLY HORSE TRIALS, 2022.

So now we're fat-shaming horses, too?...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'Not satire, but spiteful cruelty'? Not sure the makers of HIGNFY

should DIGNFY such inane comments with an answer. It was spot on.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A 78-year-old half-naked model on a front cover? Talk about 

'Hutton semi-dressed as lamb'. Sorry, Lauren...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

'For heaven's sake, Harry, kiss and make up,' suggests

Sarah Vine. (If he doesn't know how, Meghan could 

always help - she's great a making up. Stories, mostly)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kate Beckinsale in a Greggs bathing costume? Shame they don't

sell pork pies - she could have topped it off with a pork pie hat.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NEPO KIDS: if it's a case of 'like father, like son' or 'like mother, like

daughter', you can't make me - sometimes I don't like either of them!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Boris Johnsoniuk? Boris Johnsonova...and out, hopefully.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Certainly, if he's well-rounded...

*****************************************

If a female 'big

cheese' is a DAME, should a male

big cheese be EDAM?...

*****************************************

#AnagrammyAwardsNomination

(17 Syllables)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

WARNING: contains graphic description of violence...

Whoever said neither of the Tory leadership contestants is

up to the job has hit the nail on the head... #NationalSocietyForThePreventionOfCrueltyToNails

--------------------------------------------------------------------

If Boris Johnson really is 'likely to run for PM again',

then surely most people with a functioning brain are

'likely to run for the hills again'. Trump and Johnson:

poster boys for a disintegrating world...

--------------------------------------------------------------

A Bit of a DICK/tionary (contd)...

*********************************

PARAFFINALIA -

all the stuff arsonists tend

to come equipped with...

*********************************

(17 Syllables)

-----------------------------------------------------------------

The more trouble Donald Trump gets himself into, the 

more popular he becomes. America is officially nuts...

-------------------------------------------------------------------

The further away from the seat of power Boris finds

himself, the more bearable he becomes. We may even

go back to chuckling once again at his musings, safe in 

the knowledge he no longer poses a clear and present 

danger. Always a jester, NEVER A LEADER...

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyone ever seen comedian Marcus Brigstocke and

Sky political correspondent in the same room together?

Thought not.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I'll always be grateful to The Repair Shop for fixing the

table for me. Chelsea are back where they belong again

- at the top!...

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The biscuit as a social being...

*********************************

Biscuits love to be

in a packet - it gives them

the chance to hobnob...

*********************************

(17 Syllables)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

DESIGNATED DIVER - usually the centre-forward... #RedCard!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PETULANT CLARK - "why won't they re-release Downtown?" she sulksi

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

David Beckham a gay icon? A man whose paymaster is the Qatari riyal

family - more riyal than you can shake a fist at, by all accounts? You

couldn't make it up...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What's all this 'quiet quitting' bullsh*t nonsense? It's called 'working to rule'

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What's the collective noun for a group of snowflakes? A shitload. #NoneTaken

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