Brick Lane Café...

************************************************

Estate agents' set

meal: COTTAGE pie, HOUSE wine, FLAT

white: this week only!...

************************************************

(1 main course, 2 damp courses!)

(17 Syllables)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

'When Meghan said she hated the f*cking royal family with

a passion,' explained her spokesman, 'what she really meant 

was that she much preferred tea to coffee in the morning,

except on Sundays'. Easy mistake to make...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

The difference between a royalist and a republican is the

difference between 'God save the Queen' and 'God save

the ***king (expletive deleted)

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Caffeine <-----------------------------------------------> Coffin

The more tea you drink, the less likely you are to die! It's 'official'!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Tea cuts early death risk (News item). Does that mean if I

down a swift cuppa before each of my three bottles of

whisky each week, I'll be OK?...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Radio 4 schedule... ---------------------- At 11:00am today, we go over to Boris Johnson who will give a

talk highlighting his achievements in office. At 11:01am today, Lauren Laverne presents Desert Island Discs... (I just hope my nearest 'warm bank' has a radio, I wouldn't

want to miss a word) --------------------------------------------------------------------------

*****************************************************

Boris Johnson officio alicuius linguae

non aptus est. Dilectus etiam Latinus...

-----------------------------------------------------

Boris Johnson is unfit for office in anyone's

language. Even his beloved Latin...

*****************************************************

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Simplicity is the answer to most things. Especially contentedness.

Yet our lives are becoming increasingly complicated. How big a catastrophe will it take before the Western world sees the light? Asking on behalf of the elders of a rapidly disappearing indigenous tribe.

(The further removed from nature we are, the more screwed up we become.

It's pretty simple, really. But you wouldn't think so, the way we lead our lives)

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'Never Kissed a Tory' T-shirts? If you ever see Liz Truss out and about you

could always try giving her a French one... #EntenteCordiale

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lewis Hamilton, fashion1sta. Oh well, at least he's still No 1 in the fashion stakes.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aston Villa lose yet again, and the townsfolk of Gerrards Cross seem to know

exactly how the manager's feeling...

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***********************************************

"I love you so much, darling, I would

never disagree with anything you said."

"I'm sure you would, dear."

"No, I wouldn't."

"Yes, you would."

"No, I wouldn't"...

***********************************************

------------------------------------------------------------

TITFER TAT - selection of hats in a charity shop...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

What do the BBC and pistachio, pecan, cashew, almond and 

macadamia have in common? They're all nuts. #WokeMadness

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Macron 'est un tres bon buddy de notre pays', says Boris. Talk about 

extending the hand of Frenchship...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shakespeare and Taylor Swift on the same course? No so much 'chalk

and cheese', more 'literature and litterature'?...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Of course a jacket potato's not posh. Well, not unless the jacket's a Gucci.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The country is in crisis. No part of society seems to be running 

smoothly, and here we are, facing a choice between Starmer, Sunak 

or Truss.... 

Thank God for whiskey. With or without the fucking 'e'.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, sadly, to be found in the Daily Mail's historic special edition to commemorate the death of Queen Elizabeth II...

************************************

Curiosity

killed the cat. So perhaps it's

best not to ask how...

************************************

(All these musings were written well in advance

of the Queen's passing)

(17 Syllables)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cut back on your energy use, suggests Nadhim Zahari.

Stupid a*sehole. No wonder no-one from the government's

doing the rounds of the studios. They're all f*cking idiots.

#NoExpletivesDeleted #EnergyCrisis

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

This government makes my bloody blood boil! Saves on the 

heating, I guess... #CostOfLivingCrisis

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

                           KING CHARLES III   

               ----- A MOMENT OF HISTORY -----

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

In Liz we (don't) Truss...

*********************************

Allergic to nuts,

you say? I take it you won't

be voting for Truss...

*********************************

(17 Syllables)

--------------------------------------------------------------

Of course Arsenal bloody won. Who wouldn't, with 

Jesus and the Angel Gabriel on their side?...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Generalisations never work - and that, my friends, is 

the exception that proves the rule...

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, September 20)

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Yippee! If I get into trouble now, I won't get into hot

water. There isn't any! Mum says she's had to switch 

the boiler off... #CostOfLivingCrisis

--------------------------------------------------------------------

So the Sussexes have got a new dog called Mamma Mia. 

No need to make a song and dance about it...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Walk 10 minutes to live longer (Mail). Yippee! I did that

once - 2015, I think it was. How much longer will I live?

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes you come across an act of such monumental

stupidity, you wonder whether there shouldn't be some

sort of basic intelligence test for anyone about to enter 

a polling station to mark their cross...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Is there any reason to be positive about this country 

right now? I'm open to suggestions...

------------------------------------------------------------------

Boris Johnson, our failed Prime Minister, is awarded 

Ukraine's highest honour, 'The Order of Liberty'. 

What for? For being a tinpot crackpot? You couldn't 

make it up. Sorry, Volodymyr, but self-aggrandisement 

was the whole point of his visit...

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Carry On, Nurse...

*******************************************

Hysterectomies

on the telly? "SCREENS, NURSE! -

42-inch, please"...

*******************************************

(17 Syllables)

-----------------------------------------------------------

ARAB'LE LAND - often found in the Middle East...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

The difference between a blackleg and his colleagues is

striking... (Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, August 26)

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Seeing as it's so expensive now, I can't even afford the

energy...to complain about it. #EnergyCrisis

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

The first episode of Meghan Markle's podcast series may

not be a cracker exactly, nut it's certainly like what you'll

find inside the cracker: a bit of a joke...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm sure she's trying her best, but at only 5ft 3 inches, is it

any wonder that Priti Patel is in over her head?...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

A lot of light in the home makes us feel happier, apparently

(another bloody survey). Hence the wedding vows to my

wife of 'love, honour and a bay window'...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

The 20 questions a man should ask on a first date. No 1: do

you buy the Daily Mail? If the answer's 'yes', then you've

saved yourself having to ask another 19 questions. (I'm

biting the hand that doesn't feed me, here)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Liz Truss has no idea how to cope with the dire situation we 

all now find ourselves in. (Nor do I, by the way.) But I 

recognise gravitas and expertise when I see it, and I don't see 

it in Ms Truss. An utter lightweight. If now is not the time for 

a Government of national unity - in consultation with all the 

leading lights of business and industry - then when is? To limit 

ourselves to the brainpower of a handful of less than impressive 

individuals from one side of the House is to fight the current 

crises with one hand tied behind our collective backs...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ask customers to buy produce of a different size and shape

than they're used to? Imagine if prospective husbands were

expected to do the same when choosing their partners?

Doesn't bear thinking about!... #Lidl

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thirty-five per cent of pupils didn't manage to get a grade 4 

or above in their GCSE maths, apparently. How depressing 

is that? That's nearly a third of them...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

DREI dry offerings...

****************************************

How long's the Queen been

reigning now? And they still want

to call this a drought?...

****************************************

-----------------------------------------------------------

How the last drought ended: months and months 

of dry terrain - and then it began terrain!

-----------------------------------------------------------

****************************************

How the drought ended:

months of dry terrain - and then

it began terrain... (17 Syllables)

****************************************