Poetic (or "ruff!") justice?...

*******************************************

"My dog's had his felt

collar nicked!" (Then the thief had

his nicked collar felt!)

*******************************************

(17 Syllables)

------------------------------------------------------------

Sir Anthony Hopkins is very disparaging of acting 

schools. But they're easy to check out, surely? A 

school is only as great as the sum of the parts its 

students end up being cast in, right?...

Casting aspersions: so much easier than casting films.

------------------------------------------------------------

An actor's life is a bit like a curate's egg. Good in

parts. The better the parts, the better the life...

------------------------------------------------------------

Another DISAPPOINTED FANtastic match, another loss...

*********************************

I know when I 'egg

on' my team I could end up

with 'egg on' my face...

*********************************

(17 Syllables)

--------------------------------------------------------------

I'm told my GP's seeing only half of his patients in

person. I hope it's the top half, that's where my

problem is...

--------------------------------------------------------------

Lucky lorry drivers! Whilst some of them are 

driving up the MI, a shortage of them is driving up

...their wages...

--------------------------------------------------------------

It's perfectly acceptable to write about Sir Michael

Caine without having to resort to his famous 

catchphrase. Not a lot of people know that.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Why only 'men' and 'women' in mixed relay races?

What about transgender, gender neutral and non-

binary athletes, etc...? How many legs would there 

have to be to satisfy everyone in this crazy PC 

world of ours? Yes, I'm joking, but - as sure as eggs 

is eggs - there'll be someone out there who won't be...

-------------------------------------------------------------------

3-line car-toon...

******************************

FIAT ACCOMPLI -

another vehicle rolls off

the production line...

******************************

(17 Syllables)

-----------------------------------------------------------------

The England cricket team's performances under Joe 

Root are pretty consistent. But not all the time, and 

that's the problem...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Anna Wintour / Bill Nighy romance? Now is the

Wintour of our discontent / Made glorious summer

by this son of Alfred & Catherine Nighy...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Just how many miles can you win an 800m race by?...

(For anyone who can win a 100m sprint by miles,

impossible is indeed nothing)

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Who doesn't like Bacon first thing in the morning? 

The ideal replacement for Piers Morgan, I would 

have thought. Even if he does live in LA...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

'BUY APPOINTMENT TO HRH THE PRINCE OF WALES'.

So that's what 'cash for access' means? Can he make 

it for 8:00pm next Tuesday?...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

the dog whisperer...

**********************************

even a dog who

doesn't respond to its name

will respond to love...

**********************************

(17 Syllables)

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Not only are throwaway plastic plates and cutlery likely 

to be banned soon, but - in an increasingly woke world - 

throwaway remarks are also sure to be far more closely 

scrutinized...

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Never mind Covid, it seems to me becoming President

of the USA poses the greatest clot risk. Both of the last

two have been MASSIVE ones...

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Nepotism? Best not to, er, brooch the subject with

Madonna's daughter. Unless it's a Swarovski one,

of course. Because then she's probably contractually

obliged to respond...

----------------------------------------------------------------

So Kanye West is changing his name to Ye? Is 

he planning to open an Olde Coffee Shoppe?...

---------------------------------------------------------

Making a living - barely...

**************************************

"Got much work?" I asked

the stripper. "Not got much on

right now, "she replied...

**************************************

("So I see"...17 Syllables)

---------------------------------------------------------------

Talking of clot risks, becoming a member of the 

current Cabinet must be right up there. One or two

of them have become MASSIVE ones...

---------------------------------------------------------------

King Charles? I can live with that. King William?

That won't be a problem. But ***king Harry? Never!

-----------------------------------------------------------------

My wife couldn't wait to get jabbed. "I'm not afraid

of a little prick," she explained. "In fact, I even went

ahead and married one," she added - giving me the 

sweetest of smiles...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Arguing the toss(er)...

******************************

Thank God my husband's

a loser! (Every time we

argue, he loses)

******************************

(17 Syllables)

------------------------------------------------------------

One day we'll have a King Charles, but right now

all we seem to be reading about is ***king Harry.

ENOUGH ALREADY!,,,

------------------------------------------------------------

SUPPLIES SUPPLIES - revamped TV show where 

contestants have to guess where the heck next 

UK's vital goods will be coming from...

---------------------------------------------------------

PING-PING-PING-PING-PONG - NHS's 

Test and Trace app ruins this year's table 

tennis championships...

-----------------------------------------------------

Skipping's not good for your health, said my

doctor - just after I told him I'd skipped

breakfast, lunch AND dinner!...

-----------------------------------------------------

LOVE £$LAND: Millie & Liam? They'll be making a Milliam!...

************************************

Thank God Love Island's

over! Time to bring back Lust

of the Summer Wine?...

************************************

(17 Syllables)

------------------------------------------------------------

Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Ronnie Wood - and

Charlie Wattsisname, the unassuming drummer... 

RIP, great man.

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, August 27 - and they 

publish it without the wordplay bit. What's

the f**king point? Absurd paper. Bunch of total

incompetents. How many times now?...

------------------------------------------------------------

Drinking 8 glasses of water a day to lower my 

heart risk is proving impossible. Does this mean 

I've got a drink problem?...

------------------------------------------------------------

Now Nigella's taken 'slut' off the menu, 'spotted

dick' must be quaking in its boots...

------------------------------------------------------------

Goodness gracious, GR8 balls of fire! A virtual G7

summit with virtually no GR8 statesmen! We're

saved! Not.

------------------------------------------------------------

It's just not cricket...

************************************

Lord Botham to be

trade envoy to Oz? What's he

going to trade? Insults?...

************************************

(17 Syllables)

-----------------------------------------------------

Unlike journalists, writers of cookbooks 

always reveal their sauces...

(V. Hefter, Daily Mail, August 24)

-----------------------------------------------------

I hope they put a cap on energy bills. Not a 

baseball one, that would be stupid...

-----------------------------------------------------

A question of priorities...

*******************************

"Putting our members

first". Building societies -

or cautious porn stars?...

*******************************

('Is it a large part?': 17 Syllables)

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Lovers of high-heels must really hate living in flats...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

If chip-eating really does add to your life-expectancy, not

only will those lucky enough to die of old age have had

their chips, they'll probably have had bucket-loads of 'em!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

PARASHOOTING - hitting a target whilst descending 

from the skies. The latest Paralympic sport?...

(Down to earth with a 'BANG, bang, bang!'...)

---------------------------------------------------------------

If Sir Ian McKellen can play Hamlet, can dried-up

old prunes be given plum roles?...

-------------------------------------------------------------

Two masalas at one sitting, Tom Cruise? That can't 

be good for your tikka...

-------------------------------------------------------------

Unlucky in love: I had a date and walnut cake last

night. Unfortunately the date went to the loo and 

never came back. But at least I was left with the

walnut cake...

-------------------------------------------------------------

Do I play village green cricket? Sort of...

***********************************

I'm a 'far more shots 

at the bar than shots on the 

pitch' sort of player...

***********************************

(17 Syllables)

---------------------------------------------------------------

My memory's so bad, I have to write everything

down on a jotter. If only I could remember where I

put the damned thing!...

---------------------------------------------------------------

A former CIA officer says the USA looks like a deer

caught in the headlights right now. As does our 

very own Foreign Secretary, I guess. Except that in 

his case it's a Raabit...

---------------------------------------------------------------

54-year-old extremist Anjem Choudary apparently 

wants to rename Buckingham Palace 'Buckingham

Masjid'. No doubt a certain Mahmoud Abbas would

much prefer 'Buckingham Palestine'...

---------------------------------------------------------------

Let all eco-warriors rise as one to give three cheers

for Prince Harry and Sadiq Khan...

"HYP HYP..............ocrite!"

"HYP HYP..............ocrite!"

"HYP HYP..............ocrite!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------

If Davina McCall can trademark the word 'MENOPAUSING',

can I lay claim to 'PERI-PERIMENOPAUSAL CHICKEN'

which I want to add to our restaurant's special womenu?

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I did devour 'War and Peace' in a week, mind...

*******************************

It's said we've all got

a book in us. Not me! My

X-ray came back clear...

*******************************

(17 Syllables)

---------------------------------------------------------

The milk of human kindness? You can stick

it up your arse, mate. I'm lactose intolerant...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Prominent anti-vaxxer Richard (Right Said Fred) Fairbrass

may well be called 'Richard', but to me he's more of a 'Dick'.

I wish him well as he recovers from the virus...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

So Wrigley's Extra gum sponsors Love Island to the tune 

of  £3.6m? I can see why. Who does my wife want to win? 

With bags of time to pick and choose, she takes her pick 

and chews and chews...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hi!" - "No, I'm not"...

******************************

My family tree's

a bonsai. No wonder I'm

only five foot three...

******************************

(17 Syllables)

-----------------------------------------------------------------

The dangers of online chatting: my girlfriend thought

I was the best thing since sliced bread till she caught

me bread-crumbing. Now I'm toast...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Are smaller weddings bigger than big bashes? Yes!

It's a wedding, not a 3-ring circus. One ring's plenty:

the wedding one. No need to go over the (big) top!...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Nicky Haslam's favourite letter is 'Z', apparently.

'Why?' - 'No. 'Z'... Popular letter is Y. Everyone wants 

 to know Y. But I couldn't tell you, to be honest...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

And they should know, right?...

***************************

Both of my dogs think

anthropomorphism is

rather pathetic...

***************************

(17 Syllables)

--------------------------------------------------------------

To call someone 'the yellow of the egg' is quite a 

compliment. More fool, then, the Garrick Club for

its 'albumen-only' policy...

--------------------------------------------------------------

How the hell do you take relationships to 

another level if you live in a bungalow?...

----------------------------------------------------

The 's' in Ghislaine is silent. I wish the f***

Harry and Meghan were. Nothing personal.

----------------------------------------------------

But wasn't he an OXFORD don?...

***********************************

"Fancy a punt on

the Cam?" asked Dr Spooner.

Very carefully...

***********************************

(17 Syllables)

------------------------------------------------------------

Setting the bar high's no problem if you've got a

barstool to match...

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, August 18)

------------------------------------------------------------

TIP AND RUN: leaving £1 on the table for your

waiter before doing a runner is just not cricket!

------------------------------------------------------------

It's often said that everyone's got a book in them.

Not me. My X-ray came back clear...

------------------------------------------------------------

Mark Allen v Reanne Evans: it's no bad thing for

warring exes to get things out into the open. But

not necessarily the British Open!...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Live in the present! The gift of life - what a present!

It's one you should live in. Especially right now...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

GB Olympic star in drug storm...

***********************************

Sprinters who take drugs

cross the line. Often in first 

place - that's the problem...

***********************************

('Who doesn't like a bit of needle?': 17 Syllables)

-------------------------------------------------------------

CORONANATION STREET - there's no better soap

to wash your hands in than a long-running one!...

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, August 17)

-------------------------------------------------------------

It's never good when injections of pace 

occur before the race has even started.

------------------------------------------------

Those rich veins of form sprinters find -

are they the ones they inject into?...

------------------------------------------------

My wife's addicted to gambling. She 

really has become my 'better' half!

Costing me a bloody fortune...

------------------------------------------------

See that 'Plant Crossing' sign?...

*****************************************

My aspidistra's 

grown two feet this year. It walks 

everywhere these days...

*****************************************

(17 Syllables)

----------------------------------------------------------------

£10.95 for Tom Kerridge Tomato Ketchup? He's got

a sauce! ('A Sauce As Rich As My Customers")

----------------------------------------------------------------

£323 for turning up in the House of Lords and saying

nothing? Me mam was right: silence really is golden!

----------------------------------------------------------------

Cyclonic vacuum cleaner...

---------------------------------

Congratulations to James Dyson for finally managing 

to find a way of getting rid of the old bag. Me, I'm

still married - but not for want of trying...

----------------------------------------------------------------

Liz Jones was married to a man who picked his feet.

apparently. As this is the same man who also picked

his wife, I wonder where his feet are now? Maybe

they ran off with another man?...

---------------------------------------------------------------

My neighbour thinks he's related to Einstein. Me, I 

once thought I was related to the Queen. Distant

cousin, once removed. Forcibly, as it turns out...

---------------------------------------------------------------

QUARANTEENAGERS - surly 'guests' the hotels dread.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"YOU REEKER!" - cry of joy as Babylonians invent soap.

------------------------------------------------------------------

BABYLONIAN - a very young Lonian...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

To continue with a certain journalist's footballing analogy,

you can certainly argue about whether the current Labour

leader is more of a left or right winger, but one thing's for

sure: he's certainly not a keeper...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

A footballer's shattered dreams...

**********************************

Jack got his big break

when he was sixteen. Sadly,

it was his left leg...

**********************************

(17 Syllables)

--------------------------------------------------------------

FOOTBALL?  ALREADY?  IT'S JUST NOT CRICKET! 👿

--------------------------------------------------------------

"You need a filling," said the dentist. So I went to a 

filling station. Turns out the only fillings they had 

were cheese & tomato and tuna...

---------------------------------------------------------------

RSVP...

-------------------------------------------------------------

BLACK THAI CURRY - dress: casual, food: formal...

--------------------------------------------------------------

THE (VAIN)GLORIOUS TWELFTH - Prince Andrew

goes grouse shooting...

--------------------------------------------------------------

My aspidistra and I have a fair bit in common right

now. Whilst I'm growing quite close to my new

girlfriend, my aspidistra's growing quite close to the

bedroom window. At least a foot this year, I'd say...

--------------------------------------------------------------

(Even plants have feelings, even it is towards 

inanimate objects. My aspidistra's growing quite 

close to the kitchen table as I speak)

-----------------------------------------------------------

an animal lover writes:...

*******************************

My wife and I are

trying for a cat. Isn't that

what pussies are for?

*******************************

(17 Syllables)

--------------------------------------------------------------

Is it too early to call for a Joe Root knighthood -

or should I wait another couple of hours?...

--------------------------------------------------------------

For years, Spurs fans have thought of Kane as part

of the furniture. Probably confusing him with cane.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Not sure what worries me more: the raising of the

energy cap, or the lowering of the ice cap. Shame

it can't be the other way round!...

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Will Adam Peaty go to any lengths to win Strictly, or just 

the couple or so he needed to win his gold medals?...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

A* IS BORN - musical about a bright student's exam grades.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Energy saving (2)...

***************************************

The only thing that 

it's good to keep switched on all 

the time is...YOUR BRAIN!

***************************************

The only thing that

saves energy when never

switched off is...YOUR BRAIN!

*************************************

('Global warming': 17 Syllables)

----------------------------------------------------------------

When in Rome, do what the roamers do: check your 

charges! Thanks a bunch, Vodafone...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Prince Andrew Cuomo: less 'One Man, Two Guvnors',

more 'Two Men, One Guvnor'. And both in the s*** right

now. Two guesses as to what won't feature in the top 100

baby names list this year!...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"I guess New York won't be wanting another 'hands-on'

governor any time soon". (Say those who Cuomo couldn't

stop himself from putting his hands on?)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

FUSELAGE - the central body portion of a normal aircraft.

FUSELARGER - the central body portion of a jumbo jet.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Ignorance is bliss. Except on Tuesdays...

***************************************

What you don't know won't

hurt you. Unless you don't know

that bees can sting you...

***************************************

('F***ing picnics!': 17 Syllables)

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wearing boxers helps fertility, apparently. I wonder

whether marrying one does? Maybe Nicola Adams'

partner will find out one day...

----------------------------------------------------------------

Rihanna still looks great, but she's put on a few

£'s since I last saw her. About a billion, apparently...

----------------------------------------------------------------

WPC Penny Lancaster may be 50, but she's still

as pretty as a picture. A Constable, haha...

(I thought he only did landscapes?)

---------------------------------------------------------

The weakest of weakdays...

***********************************

A chain is only 

as strong as its weakest link.

Except on Tuesdays...

***********************************

(17 Syllables)

-----------------------

"Mine's a punch!"...

--------------------------------------------------------------

An autobiography is nothing more than someone

bringing themselves to book...

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, August 11)

---------------------------------------------------------------

"My round" said Lauren Price - and all 5 judges

agreed. GOLD! So now the drinks really are on her!

----------------------------------------------------------------

Global warming? Seems people don't give a toss

about melting ice caps? What the hell would it take?

Melting baseball caps?...

----------------------------------------------------------------

WEAK DAYS - days you can't make it to work...

---------------------------------------------------------

The fountain of youth...

***********************************

Seems I've had a faith 

lift. People take one look at 

me and scream "my God!"...

***********************************

(17 Syllables)

-------------------------------------

COP 26? Any relation to PC 49?

--------------------------------------------------------

SINNERGOGUE - a place to repent one's sins...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I used to take my dietician's advice with a pinch of salt. But she

tells me pepper would be healthier...

(Vincent Hefter , Daily Mail, August 10)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Throwaway knives, forks and plates may soon be banned, 

apparently. What next? Free speech and throwaway remarks?...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When it comes to perseverance, bloody-mindedness and sheer 

sporting courage, pole-vaulter Holly Bradshaw sets the bar pretty 

high (4.85m high in Tokyo, enough to win bronze - which makes 

her, and others like her who don't win gold - 'losers' in Piers 

Morgan's eyes). Dare I suggest the only bar Mr Morgan has ever 

set over the years is the one he so courageously props up of a 

night in his local hostelry?...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'The Beautiful Game'? I don't think so...

**************************************

After the Lord Mayor's

Show (the Olympics) comes the

dust-cart of football...

**************************************

('A farewell to the Games': 17 Syllables)

-----------------------------------------------------------------

If it cares so much, why the hell does global warming

allow itself to be driven by human activity? Can't it

just walk? Rank hypocrisy!...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Putting down Geronimo the alpaca for spreading TB

makes about as much sense as putting down me for

spreading Marmite...

---------------------------------------------------------------

Where would Alok Sharm El-Sheikh like to go to

next, I wonder? I haven't got a clue...

---------------------------------------------------------------

"Of course I'll pay you back, Paddington"...

************************************

I promise to pay

the bear on demand the sum

of fifty-two pounds...

************************************

(17 Syllables)

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Adele's looking great, but she'll be putting on a fair 

few £££'s if she gets that Las Vegas residency!...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Now he's got a reported £100m US TV deal, it seems

there's one thing Gordon Ramsay will never need cook 

again, and that's...the books!...(well, not the ones he's

written, anyway)

--------------------------------------------------------------------

I was hoping a Brit would win the modern pentathlon.

Turns out the winner was French, so I'm delighted.

Congratulations, Kate...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

"Go to hell!" screamed my wife. "No chance," I laughed,

"it's on the f*cking red list!"...(Cue flying saucers... 

followed by flying cups, slippers and frying pans)

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Bit of a giveaway...

************************************

When asked if I would

like sex, I thought about it...

long - and very hard...

************************************

(17 Syllables)

---------------------------------------------------------

WPC Penny Lancaster...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Many a wealthy celebrity would be happy to own a 

Constable. Rod Stewart's gone one better: he's 

married to one. A special one!...

(Worth a pretty penny, married to a pretty Penny)

-----------------------------------------------------------------

We may now be officially a nation of couch potatoes,

but not me. I'm a three-piece sweet potato. It's the 

healthier option...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Head in the clouds?...

**********************************

Nothing brings people

down to earth faster than a 

parachute failure...

**********************************

(17 Syllables)

---------------------------------------------------------------------

(News travels fast. Often accompanied by Alok Sharma, it seems.)

Red list, amber list, Franz Liszt? "Who gives a f***?"

seems to be Alok Sharma's attitude when travelling...

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Not sure how Tom Kerridge likes his £87 steaks, but

he obviously prefers his customers rare. So rare, in fact, 

he probably can't remember when he last saw one...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"F*** OFF"ICE WORK! 4 out of 5 WFH civil servants can't be wrong!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A parachute that always lets you down never lets you down...

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, August 5)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Loser in the boozer...

***************************************

"Your round," I said to

my colleague. "You're pretty fat

yourself," she replied...

***************************************

(17 Syllables)

------------------------------------------------------------------

Are members of The Vegan Society permitted to read

anything by Lamb or Bacon?...

---------------------------------------------------------------------

My bank account's on the 5:2 diet. I log into it at five-to, 

and it loses 200 pounds. Who knew it was so easy?...

(The 5:2 diet - £ for lb, it's the best around)

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Seeing as knitting is Tom Daley's hobby, I think he should 

knit a jumper. A long jumper. We could do with one now 

Greg Rutherford's retired!...

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, August 12)

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Couldn't whoever made the NHS Covid app less 

sensitive also have made Boris Johnson a little bit 

more so while they were at it?

------------------------------------------------------------------

Jesus, just look at all those passengers at the airport!

Heathrow after row after row of 'em!...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

PLANE SAILING - seaplane negotiating choppy waters?...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Poor stock control...

***************************************

How come I'm still on

the shelf when I'm twenty years 

past my sell-by date?...

***************************************

(17 Syllables)

-------------------------------------------------------------------

England may well be the mother of parliaments, but

there's relief all round when paternity tests prove that

Boris couldn't possibly be the father. Well, not this

time, anyway...

-------------------------------------------------------------------

So many people have politely been telling Boris to

'go forth and multiply', it can't come as too much of a 

surprise when he goes and does exactly that...

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Zero carbon by 2050? Yeah, right. Talk about 'Emission 

Impossible'... (Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, August 4)

-------------------------------------------------------------------

CATHARCTIC - providing cold comfort...

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, August 3)

(As in "writing about my ill-fated trip to the 

North Pole proved quite catharctic", haha...

-------------------------------------------------------

The little hand's on three, and the big hand wants to slap you!...

*************************************

Bloody hell, it takes

some winners hours to tell us

how speechless they are!...

*************************************

('Tokyo 2020': 17 Syllables)

-----------------------------------------------------------

How do you spell 'nappy'? - "N...A...Peepee...Y!"

-----------------------------------------------------------

When you're young, unforgettable nights are 

often the ones you can't remember!...🍷

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, August 26)

-------------------------------------------------------

Piers Corbyn: money can't buy you love, but

it can buy YOU, love!...

-------------------------------------------------------

a married bed-hop-hop-hopper...

****************************

is a footballer 

who's an animal in bed

a 'Kangarooney'?...

****************************

(17 Syllables)

-----------------------------------------------------------------

GB's rowing squad seem to have saved their best till

last in Tokyo: what an almighty row to finish with!...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

What does Boris Johnson actually stand for? Who 

knows! The only thing we can be sure he stands for is 

the National Anthem. If he can be arsed, of course...

------------------------------------------------------------------

When gymnasts fall off the beam, they're told to get

straight back on the horse. When they fall off the

horse, are they told to get straight back on the beam?

------------------------------------------------------------------

Sports Personality of the Year, 2021...

---------------------------------------------

1) Dina

2) Asher

3) Smith

---with honourable mentions to Mark Cavendish, 

Adam Peaty & Max Whitlock. And the Olympics 

aren't even over yet!...

===============================================

To win an Olympic medal of ANY colour is quite an

achievement - you really do have to be driven. Piers 

Morgan probably thinks that means hiring a chauffeur...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes, you have to be driven to make it to the top. But

not by a chauffeur, Piers...

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Great to see so many Olympians' dreams come true. But

I hope mine never do - they're mostly of being chased

down the M4 by a rabbit with a candle in its ear!...

---------------------------------------------------------------------