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Victoria Beckham claims it takes her five
minutes to apply her make-up. Really? How
long did it take her to make that up?...

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(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, August 18)
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Only 12% of Paralympic Games tickets sold? The prices must be crippling...
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Dear Mr Nosey from Whitehall, so what if I'm one of the clupper asses
born with a silver spoonerism in my mouth? It's never stopped me being
a wood ghurka...
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Dear BBC, see what happens when you airbrush Tess Daly's face? You
get an airhead...
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In the new film version of Swallows and Amazons, Titty becomes Tatty.
As a loyal Ransome fan, I shall now have to get my own back by
boycotting the film. Never has the term 'tit for tat' been more appropriate...
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Now that Phil Edmonds' business methods are coming under severe
scrutiny, it's maybe time to see if he's still any good at spin...
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