Ellie Simmonds to dance on Strictly...

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If Ellie was on

Strictly's short list, is Peter

Crouch on their long list?...

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(17 Syllables)

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WEAK DAYS - days you're too sick to go to work...

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, August 9)

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IBS - Irritable Bowel Syndrome, IDS - Irritable Duncan

Syndrome: only one of them's a pain in the backside, but

they're both bloody hard to get rid of...

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Jeremy Clarkson's so popular, I'm told his new restaurant

won't  be needing plates - he'll have all the diners eating 

out of his hand...

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So 'Dick' Turpin's name is too embarrassing for some? (news

item). Reminds me of my neighbour John Longbottom. He

couldn't stand his name, either - so he got it changed. He's 

now Peter Longbottom...

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Prince Edward & Ozzy Osbourne - TOGETHER AT LAST!

I can die happy... #CommonwealthGamesClosingCeremony

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, August 11)

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