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"I'm thrilled to peices to be here at Margate - and 

(before you correct me, clever clogs) it's 'i before 

e, except by the sea,' and I'm writing this right here 

on the beach, OK? So there! Love to Tina"...

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"To wake the soul by tender strokes of art-illery":

Compassion? You don't know the meaning of the 

word, Putin...

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Call yourself a chef? I told you I wanted my salad 

medium-rare - so why is this one well-done?...

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CIDER FECTS - the effects of too much cider...

(Rumpy-pumpy? - ditch the scrumpy!)

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A happiness officer in the workplace? Don't make me laugh...

(Vincent Hefter, Daily Mail, March 3)

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Is the Russian equivalent of Britain's 'One Man and his 

Dog' 'One Arse and his Arsenal'? Humanity. eh?...

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Ex-Miss Ukraine: from baring all to bearing arms, from

photoshoot to 'shoot to kill' - the world is becoming as 

dark as her jacket...

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