penne pinching...

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My recipe book's

a scrapbook, really - that's all

I can afford. Scraps...

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(17 Syllables)

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An 8-page special on savings? Thank you, Money Mail. I

didn't read any of it, so saved...at least ten minutes.

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As Kurt Zouma's now found out: make your cat's life hell 

and you've not got a cat in hell's chance of getting away

with it. Poetic justice, I guess...

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Andy Warhol and Ukraine War hell, side by side in the 

paper. An estimated £150 million for a 40 inch square 

silkscreen image on the one hand, God knows how many 

million refugees fleeing for their lives on the other. What 

sort of warped planet do we live on?...

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Snowboarding's great if you're piste off with business -

standing on a board's so much more fun than sitting on one!

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So what if a street's called Nelson's Row? Can't Lambeth

Council just turn a blind eye to it?...

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KILLERWATTS - my leccy bill will be the death of me!...

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No matter how severe the current financial crisis, I know

I'll always manage to put food on the table. Trouble is, 

it'll be someone ELSE'S table. I'm a waiter...

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£14.99 for a bottle of Sandringham washing-up liquid? I

wonder if there's an equally expensive Sandringham soap

available should the Queen decide to was her hands of 

such blatant commercialisation...

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Sandringham washing-up liquid: perfet for cleaning the 

dishes after a hearty meal of (House of) Windsor soup

and (Mount)battenberg cake. (How else to raise the

money for Andrew's out-of-court settlement?)

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Our hens are pretty domesticated - not only did they 

lay these eggs, they laid the table, too...

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"I grant you 3 Rishis," said the genie. "Tell you what,

mate - if any ONE of them can get us out of this mess,

then it's the CHANCELLOR who's the f**king genie-us".

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