Food - for thought...

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If we are what we

eat, why aren't I VERY RICH?

The food I eat is!...

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(17 Syllables)

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My ex was a cougar. Trouble was, she found out I was 

a cheeteh. Mind you, we were both animals in bed while 

it lasted.

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Paul Merton went down a storm last night. Could the gales

of laughter coming from our many comedy clubs be used to

augment our wind farms' output?...

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A weight-loss plan anyone can stick to? That's all very well, 

but does Velcro REALLY contain all a body's essential nutrients?

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Seeing as all Liz Jones owns in the world are a couple of bath 

and hand towels, I suggest she pours herself a couple of martinis 

and dries them very, very thoroughly!

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Yes, Boris Johnson may well have stepped up when it 

comes to 'the war', but that doesn't mean he shouldn't 

step down when it's over. A la his beloved Churchill.

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If anyone's earned the right to be called the gaffer, surely

it's Boris Johnson. He seems incapable of getting through

a single week without making at least one gaffe. Is this

really the best our country has to offer?

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Why shouldn't the Royal Horticultural Society continue to 

use the term 'electronic communication' instead of 'email'? 

If anyone's entitled to use flowery language, they are!...

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Will Putin win? "NOT ON MY WATCH!" says Zelenski 

(even if it's not an £8,000 Blancpain Grande Date Aqua  

Lung one, like his Russian counterpart's). Oh well, 

at least Putin will be able to tell the exact time it all went 

wrong for him...

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If Putin ever decides to really throw the book at brave

Russian TV protestor Marina Ovsyannikova, I sincerely

hope it's not Tolstoy's War and Peace. A book like that

could cause a great deal of damage...

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The difference between Rishi Sunak and Boris Johnson? 

Rishi says families are struggling, 'but he's got their backs'. 

Boris? He knows families are struggling, too - but he gets 

their backs UP...

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"It's time to end this 'ludicrous debate' on pronouns," says 

Liz Truss (she/her/hers - except sometimes on a Tuesday).

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5,500 children on a gender-swap waiting list? Is it me, or is

this just another fad, like hoola hops and finger spinners? THE.

WORLD. HAS. GONE. MAD. And I'm doubtless not even allowed 

to say that. Probably time for me to identify as a dinosaur...

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Caribbean charm offensive, anyone? Seems some of 

the locals do indeed find 'colonial' charm offensive. The 

Cambridges may have turned on the charm, but 

apparently at least some of the Belizeans turned on them. 

It's only a matter of time, I suggest, before certain ties are 

irrevocably severed...

(Vincent Hefter, Mail on Sunday, March 27)

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Good to know that he undying support of her loyal 

subjects has given the Queen a sizeable lift - and I 

hear she's already had it installed at Balmoral!...

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