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There's a message from your wife. She wants 

you to call her pronto. "Tell her to bugger off. 

I'll call her no such thing"...

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Prince Charles has called a certain Mr Holland a national

treasure, apparently. I think he's confusing him with the 

Crown Jools!...

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I recently asked a comedian where he got his best material

from. "The pub," he replied. "Black Velvet, you can't beat it!"

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I just came across a depressed centipede. At least, I think it

was depressed: it was lying in the fetal position - the 'hundred

fet'al position......

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The Daily Mail Great Class Test: King Edward potatoes are

obviously upper class, but who was Granny Smith? Should

social climbers be having anything to do with her apples?...

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Matthew, Mark, Luke and...Andrew? Wow, talk

about taking 'mission creep' to a whole new level!

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The Ukraine War (BBC 1, 9:00 - 10:00), repeated on Tuesday,

1:00 - 2:00am): a war you can just turn on and off, according

to your mood. I'm not sure how many of us truly appreciate

how lucky we are to live our lives so far removed from such a

living hell. And now: Coronation Street. What sort of a world

do we live in? It all seems so wrong...

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