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No, Pinocchio

DIDN'T like his nose - but it

grew on him. Sometimes.

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(17 Syllables)

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THE ART OF ONE-UPMANSHIP

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                   by

      Erik ten eleven Hag

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Preferred pronouns? What a load of  tosh. No wish to insult you,

but if you think I'm going to start calling you 'they', think again. 

Vincent Hefter (he/him, except on Wednesdays)...

(Vincent Hefter, Mail on Sunday, April 24. Except they left out 

the punchline. Yet again. Twats)

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It must be tough for Nadine Dorries to be mocked for her 

dyslexia. It is, after all, 'just part of my NDA', as she'd 

probably put it... #NadineDorriesDNA

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Is saying a man walking around London wearing a £72,000 

watch is 'asking for it' any different from saying a girl walking 

around the same streets in a mini skirt is also asking for it? 

Replies, please, to Sarah Vine, Mail on Sunday...

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Genital-tucking briefs for four-year-olds? No way, Jose! 

Nip and tuck is one thing, ladies - but tuck and nippers? 

That's quite another...

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Home is no longer where the HRT is, it seems. But at least 

Sajid Javid is appointing a tsar to help sort out the shortage.

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Glad to hear that Ben Whishaw and Mark Bradshaw's 

split is an amicable one. Seems to be a case of 

"I still like Q" - "I still like Q, too"... #IStillLikeYouToo

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Angela Rayner said it was categorically untrue that 

she tried to distract Boris Johnson by crossing and 

uncrossing her stockinged legs. That makes her a 

denier of the fact. (20 denier, probably, Boris couldn't 

help but notice)

(Vincent Hefter, Mail on Sunday, May 1)

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